Johnny, thank you very much for taking the time to go into detail. The thing is, to me, the most important feedback is what works, what's positive. The rest is almost forgettable from the start.

I'm not completely sure about the statement at the end. It's a variation of a quotation by Carlos Santana. I read it some years ago, and found it's quite  a simple and interesting view. I once wanted to bring across the conjecture that the feminine history, with regard to the different gender, does not have those "honorable" path of destruction of the masculine. Women deserve the opportunity to let their visions grow and show up their imagination before the consequences arrive.

The men politics and established business system seems to me, undeniable; to aim for blowing up this earth. It's a race to space. Then we can play Star Wars for real. With our masterminding ignorance in case of this fact we can sleep well. 1984, Jules Verne, it gets real since we imagine. Men seem to work like go, go, go, restless.

I still broke my head about the sentences you picked out and agree that there's a more beautiful way to write it, but then, I find myself editing and mixing things up as they shouldn't. I'm in fact not a crafty writer when it comes to English. Nevertheless, I like it very much to use a language which delivers by pictures, and not a literal exploration of things. I honor some of those pro scripts which are interestingly simple written. Sometimes I see an amazing picture the author gave away in a very easy way in the screenplay. So, the reader makes it great. He's given the choice to imagine with a free impression. There's a big opposition who asks for a clear voice and a great package. So, I guess it's our choice between the old artists and gurus which preach short sentences, blank, blank, blank or the way of vary to impress with the writing too. It's a controverse which challenges me over and over because there's a big difference between those ways.

Thanks again.

Alex

@ Mark

You mean the iron lady...

well, Merkel is very successfully in selling weapons too.

I think about to cut this last comment; threw it in at the last second to give some more controversy. I even think about to let Byron lose this script in the end. The violent against those two seems to satisfy the reader, maybe the theme deserves another climax, more irony.

The logline: Well, I thought with describing the crazy choice of characters I could make you interested in what the plot is and how they come together. I rethink that.

I work on the dialogue.

Thanks Mark

Quoted from PrussianMosby I once wanted to bring across the conjecture that the feminine history, with regard to the different gender, does not have those "honorable" path of destruction of the masculine. Women deserve the opportunity to let their visions grow and show up their imagination before the consequences arrive.

That is a quote for the books, I think you just blew me away.

Most folks won't agree with me on sentence and passage structure anyway - a cue most definitely - but honest nonetheless. There are hundreds of ways to arrange words, that's why my feedback comes across massively thin sometimes haha! Take it easy, looking forward to your OWC entry.

Johnny

Quoted from oJOHNNYoNUTSo That is a quote for the books, I think you just blew me away.

Hard words. I'm just thinking too much about policy, which is absurd. A friend of mine always points out "no policy tonite" when we come together with some people.

I found the origin of this whole angle:

"It's the women who have the power to change the world."
-Carlos Santana, musician

This quote fascinated me from the start. The newspaper printed it in one of those special windows which is a great job by the editors. It's not a complicated sight of him and I like how direct he speaks it out.

Quoted from oJOHNNYoNUTSo Most folks won't agree with me on sentence and passage structure anyway - a cue most definitely - but honest nonetheless. There are hundreds of ways to arrange words, that's why my feedback comes across massively thin sometimes haha! Take it easy, looking forward to your OWC entry.

Your way of speaking about delivery of words is very interesting. And it's right to demand the best from the author. It's high level stuff and I'll read your points some more times.

My OWC shorts were not successfully concerning quality. Maybe I do better this time. I think I'm in. Hopefully I see you there too.