Looking for a quick read this morning, and folks seem to like this one.

Very cute idea.  I enjoyed it, but I do have a suggestion for you that is a bit more visual.

The early portion is filmed from the patient's POV, and the detective instructs him to blink his eyes for "yes."  I think that is a mistake.

I was envisioning this poor patient riding bug-eyed and unblinking for the duration.

Have the detective tell him to blink his eyes for "no".  Then, from the patient POV, we can see the patient "blinking" -- negative responses as the screen goes black, then returns -- as the detective gets more desperate and flustered with each blink.

Apart from that, nice piece.  Good work.

Thanks Col, glad you liked it! I'll take care of "Gregory Lewis" as soon as submissions are opened. It is funny how I fail to spot such things, while double-checking my English and everything.

Thank you too, Dustin! I liked the idea of a POV from below turning into a POV from above (via the out-of-body experience), but wasn't sure how to express it. As for capitalizing the sounds or not, I'd be glad to adopt the most usual practice.

Hi Bert, I like a lot your suggestion! It could also help to make the moment of the cardiac arrest more interesting: when the patient hears the last name, he closes his eyes without re-opening them. I think it would be better that way. Thanks for the read and the help!

I read this when you first posted it and got waylaid with a review. Very enjoyable and I didn't pick what was going on until the end. You definitely have a knack for these types of scripts.

Thanks, Libby! These are the only types of scripts you will be seeing from me in the near future, so they'd better be enjoyable.

I don't have anything to add that hasn't been said, but I read it and I enjoyed it.

This was very well done for a 4 page script. One of my biggest challenges as a writer has been writing effective shorts and so this was a very good example for me and I enjoyed reading it.

Not much else to say other then you effectively set up the twist and I didnt see it coming so thats mission accomplished.

Nice job!

Glad you liked it, Pete. Thanks for the read!

Thank you too, Topher! I have some experience with shorts, but full-length scripts are still an intimidating challenge for me.  

For anyone interested, here's a stop motion (lego) animation version of "Rosa". It is a hobbyist's work and there were difficulties and limitations, but... it is something different.

Wow... that's tough to watch, I managed about 1.15 before turning it off. I'd rather read the script.

Quoted from DustinBowcot Wow... that's tough to watch, I managed about 1.15 before turning it off. I'd rather read the script.

The thing with the first scene was that it had to be done in a single long shot, from the patient's POV. In the second scene, where the POV has been abandoned (for technical reasons), there's more freedom and the whole thing looks better.

Congratulations on getting this produced and Legofied! haha! genius!

Thanks, Mark! Glad you liked it.