All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Small Potatoes by Thomas Tosi - Short, Horror, Comedy - Three boys making mischief during a backyard sleepover are horrified to discover how they keep getting caught. 18 pages - pdf, format
I’ve been away from screenwriting for years and now, after doing some research, I see that you are correct. It never occurred to me to look into how trends in formatting have changed.
Wow! Thanks so much for taking the time for such a detailed review; it's appreciated. I'm hoping that I can also offer some helpful feedback to other folks here.
Yeah, been away from writing/filmmaking for years but the kids are off at college now so...
I have a few ideas for feature scripts on which I am starting work (one at a time!) but I know I have a lot of rust to scrape away first. So, when I stumbled across an almost thirty-year-old draft of the short "Small Potatoes" I thought this goofy little story would suit that purpose.
A screenplay is after all a screenplay. We don't need to know what the credits look like when reading it. We need the story. That doesn't mean you couldn't suggest what the credits would be like or write it down somewhere if you plan to direct/edit it yourself.
-Agreed. I do have a nasty habit of writing for myself. In this case, I felt it helpful to describe the intentionally cheesy credits and fx to set the viewer's expectations that what follows is a goof, a spook story told at a sleepover that is sprinkled with a little nostalgia.
Never know what GFX could accomplish and it is unneccessary in the screenplay.
-IMO, intentionally "cheesy" fx are an important cue to set the viewer in the right frame of mind for the story (for the same reason mentioned above) but I take your point.
P2: "Clearly, he is the same boy, now older, on the cusp of being a teenager." We already get this from the above paragraph since he's referenced as Bernard and 12, this line is superfluous.
You have a lot of directing tips in here. It's not a problem if you plan to direct it yourself...
-Yeah, when I originally wrote it (on a manual typewriter), I'm sure I was intending to shoot it myself. I was doing a lot shorts at the time. But, you're right.
The SERIES OF SHOTS/MONTAGES should be formatted as them, not in the action lines.
-Interesting. I was purposefully not trying to call out shots in the script here, thinking that there were many ways in which this could be blocked and staged but I will look at it further.
The story unfortunately didn't grab me at all, but don't worry. It's most likely mainly down to me. I liked the dialogue and how you captured pre-adolescent antics.
-No worries. I don't like every script I read, movie I see, or song I hear either. All the more reason that I appreciate your reading it through and leaving detailed notes.
How the vines were so obviously making noise and being visible while the boys were earlier dumbfounded how his father kept knowing what was going on there. Surely Bernard would have noticed something living there then.
How the boys just casually didn't really care about how they saw creepy vines moving and rising up five feet and catching one of them by the feet. "Oh so that's how the father knew" Nothing else there, no questions, no fear. Makes perfect sense.
-See notes above about the intended tone (goofy sleepover spook story) that I have clearly in my head HOWEVER even a campy tone can only excuse away so many potential story holes so I will take another look.
Once again, thanks so much for taking the time. It's great to find a community of people just trying to help each other get better at something they love.
Pages: 1
Author
Small Potatoes
Logged
Locked Board