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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Broadcast Moderators: bert
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Colkurtz8
Posted: April 5th, 2019, 1:49am Report to Moderator
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Andrew

Thanks for taking the time to read this.


Quoted from Andrew
You had me at Network!


Cool, yeah, Network is a firm fixture in my top 5 films. Dusty is my less charismatic, less compelling tribute to Howard Beale. Also, the script’s title is a homage: one word, two syllables with a wide meaning.


Quoted from Andrew
There's a melancholy present here throughout that evoked the recently maligned (I personally loved it) Life Itself. Not sure if you've seen it, but Make You Feel My Love is used as a motif to thread together seemingly disaparate stories. It's beautifully done, and I see some of that intent present here.


I haven’t seen it but yeah I’ve heard a few less than complimentary reviews about it. I’ll concede that the parallel stories require some “just go with it” factor. The plotting is admittedly mechanical in parts. As you say, I’m going for mood and atmosphere and a sprinkling of the feel good (not without a sting in the tail, more on that below) I rarely have positive endings so this is somewhat of a change from most other stuff I’ve written...somewhat


Quoted from Andrew
The dichotomy of timeless and the ever-present need for the new - regardless of whether or not it's broken and needs fixing - is explored well through Dusty. The song choices enhance that plot point and question well. The addition of Edna to his story only deepens Dusty.


I’m glad you mentioned this about the need for something new. Although the ending is ostensibly a positive, upbeat one I think there is something more tragic and worrying about Dusty retreating back into his fantasies with Edna. The man needs to move on but these developments at the station will vindicate him in a way and justify staying stuck inside this unhealthy mindset of conversing with his dead wife.

So while I’ll hold my hand up regarding the conveniences/contrivance of the plot and how Wes and Janet looked to have resolved their troubled relationship in that movie type manner, I think there is more going on with where we find Dusty at the end. Its like a trade off, Dusty has helped these two strangers patch things up but where does that leave him?


Quoted from Andrew
To further enhance the connection between the two stories, I wonder if the story is better served by focusing on one single song as a motif (even though that contradicts what I say above). A song that holds real meaning for Wes and Janet. My thinking here is I think it's potentially more powerful when Janet reaches out to Wes through Dusty if the song selection used is accompanied by single word or expression to get over how she feels. Another of my all time favoutires is Ghost. There, they use to devastating effect 'Ditto' as a means of demonstrating their love, both at the very closing scene, but also when Whoopi Goldberg is in the diner with Demi Moore.


That’s a good suggestion and would certainly increase the emotional impact. I litter the script with songs given Dusty’s profession. There are far more songs name dropped here than all my other scripts put together as it’s not something I’m in the habit of doing because yes, as we know, licensing rights would be an absolute nightmare. However, this script is an exception and I pushed the boat out.


Quoted from Andrew
- Replacing the diner scene with the temptress, and using the page count to explore Wes and Janet through flashback in happier times. This way you can set up a memory / phrase / expression to be paid off later


Good idea. I just wanted Wes to decline temptation so he could take the moral high ground and be so unforgiving of Janet’s betrayal.


Quoted from Andrew
-- Find way to connect these stories so they are soldered together more deeply. I'm not sure quite how that's achieved, but it feels like the connection needs deepening.


I agree, it’s a bit random and disparate. These are two parallel stories that only really come in to direct contact when Janet rings the station. Otherwise, it’s rather Babel-esque. What I’m trying to emphasize is how two totally separate lives can have a bearing on one another in a profound way though not necessarily wholly positive. I know, not exactly breaking any new thematic ground here.

Thanks again for the kind words, much appreciated. I’ll add Life Itself to the list, cheers.

Col.


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