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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  iRobot Moderators: bert
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  Author    iRobot  (currently 4855 views)
stevemiles
Posted: November 15th, 2014, 4:43pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Anthony, been meaning to get around to reading this for a while.

‘...liverspots and shaving nicks.’ Nice description.

I like the overall idea, just expected it to build to a more satisfying conclusion.  Perhaps work more edge into Roy’s torment?

I’d almost want to draw more on the old soldier aspect.  What if the machine were made in Germany/Japan (assuming Roy’s a WWII veteran) make this battle almost personal to poor old soldier Roy.  Really send him over the edge with this thing scuttling around locked in ‘Deutsche’ mode and spouting German commands.  Just a thought.

Anyways, it’s a simple and fun idea and nicely characterized.  For me it just needed a little more to make it pop.

Steve.


My short scripts can be found here on my new & improved budget website:


http://stevemiles80.wixsite.com/sjmilesscripts
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: November 15th, 2014, 7:22pm Report to Moderator
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Hi Steve and thanks for the read and comments, appreciated.

I've altered and amended it a little based on SS feedback, so I think the conclusion may be a little better in latest version - including a little more on the soldier aspect.

A Made in Germany stamp on the box is certainly a possibility.

Cheers

Anthony


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: December 7th, 2014, 8:03pm Report to Moderator
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iRobot just announced as a semi-finalist in Reel Writers Screenwriting Contest, winners announced 15th Dec - fingers crossed!


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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LeeOConnor
Posted: December 8th, 2014, 7:58am Report to Moderator
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Well done for getting to the semi final, mate
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: December 29th, 2014, 4:11pm Report to Moderator
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iRobot has just being annonced as a Finalist in Short Screenplay Contest run by Cherub Films.

Along with Second Chances by Dustin Bowcott...

Anthony

(It also ended up as a semi-finalist in Reel Writers comp)


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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DustinBowcot
Posted: December 29th, 2014, 4:56pm Report to Moderator
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Well done mate.
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: December 29th, 2014, 5:35pm Report to Moderator
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You too mate


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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TonyDionisio
Posted: December 31st, 2014, 12:52am Report to Moderator
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Damnit, get to the point!

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Congrats fellas. Nice job indeed.
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: December 31st, 2014, 2:06pm Report to Moderator
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Ah well, have to content myself with a finalists spot, Dustin too...

Still two SS'ers in top 8 out of 320 entrants cant be bad!


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1

Revision History (1 edits)
AnthonyCawood  -  December 31st, 2014, 2:26pm
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DustinBowcot
Posted: December 31st, 2014, 2:27pm Report to Moderator
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Assholes... I mean, ah well, win some, lose some.
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: December 31st, 2014, 2:49pm Report to Moderator
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LOL...

I've had a 1st, 2nd, 3rd, finalist and semi-finalist this year, not gonna complain too much

Woulda been nice to finish in the cash spots though, pay for a few more entry fees!


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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Colkurtz8
Posted: January 13th, 2015, 11:54am Report to Moderator
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Anthony

The Postman is young, late teens, acne scars still evident
- but not fresh, uniform too starched and new, his first
proper job, first month or two, maybe.

- A lot of unfilmmable speculation going on here. I’m not bothered by it so much but others will be.

“and superficially frail,”

- This struck me as an odd description given he’s 80 years old. And reading on, he is indeed frail all over, inside and out, (hearing, sight, arthritis, balance) so why include “superficially”?

POSTMAN
Jeez.

- Wouldn’t Postman be accustomed to Roy’s carry on by now thus his pikey signature method shouldn’t come as a surprise.

Some serious line spacing going on between scenes, three lines at least! White space is our friend yes but not the needless kind

Good intro to the Roy character nonetheless, your classic ornery octogenarian. Plus you have us wondering why he is so wary about associating himself with this mysterious package.

With verbs like “heads through”, “ambles’ and “deft flicks” describing Roy’s actions (as well as putting his stick to one side) indicate that his frailty was all an act for the postman. Hence the “superficially” mention?

ROY
Bah, bloody rubbish.

- Ok, so he didn’t actually order it. I thought his ignorance of the package was all part of his curmudgeonly distrust of the Postman.

“wanders slowly, unsteadily,”

- And now he’s back to frail old man again. Hard to pin this dude down, eh

IROBOT
Whir, click.

- Is it actually saying these words or just making the sounds?

“a rat in armour, machinating.”

- Ha, I really liked this description.

IROBOT O.S.
Scuttle. Whir. Click.

- So I can presume he is saying these words now?

“Feigns cleaning the skirting again.”

- I’m struggling to see how you visualize the feigning. Some CGI I suppose as opposed to clever editing which would’ve conveyed the effects up to now of the Robot avoiding Roy and essentially being anthropomorphized into a rat.

A couple of chuckles in this as machine turns on man...or was Roy just misinterpreting the iRobot’s programmed vacuuming movements? Initially it was hard to know for sure but as I read on it it’s definitely implied that the circular gadget means treachery! Is out to fu?k with the old man!

I did find though I was getting more amusement out of the turns of phrase you use to describe its maneuvers, which is testament to your writing, rather than the events it was depicting. It was all a bit silly and simplistic, a little too harmless. I remembered reading something similar on the boards recently which featured a wayward kettle that had a few more laughs in it, it pushed the concept a bit further, realized the absurdity and really exploited it.

I feel you kind of pulled back a bit here and perhaps that was your intention, you wanted to keep it light. We got the rat comparison, the pinball antics under the table and chairs which I liked before Roy falls on it. Then his daughter comes home (who takes in the scene remarkably well considering) and it just ends with the prospect of the iRobot not been done quite yet. Like when the prostrate, bullet riddled villain’s eyes spring open as our hero hobble away. Nothing very new there.

A decent concept, could make for an amusing short and to your credit you kept it brief. I do think its lacking a little push in the bizarre direction to fully utilize its potential. Have Roy totally lose his sh?t and destroy the house in his pursuit of it. Get the robot knocking stuff to thwart his efforts, go crazy!

Col


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AnthonyCawood
Posted: January 13th, 2015, 2:18pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Col thanks for the comments, think this is a slightly old version of the script so some of your observations have been picked up in the revisions.

I was going for a light man vs machine riff, in this case luddite geriatic vs mini terminator, so yes the end and the light coming back on was definitely homage to those sort of twists... though fairly sure not seen it done with a vacuum cleaner

I'll double check the white space, certainly wasn't intended to be three lines of it.

Feigns cleaning the skirting and the general movement of these sort of vacuums is very eratic and they constantly veer off and take unusual routes. Hopefully this can be achieved through editing alone.

There's definitely a few stylistic/formatting liberties too, I think they enhance the read a little - though I agree some may not like em.

The Whir, Click could be sounds... but Roy hears it as dialogue... for the viewer it depends on if you think that Roy is over reacting to the random movements of the unit, or that the unit is in fact alive... I hope this is left largely unresolved as I wanted it to be ambiguous.

This adds to me AI Fridge, and the other writers kettle... oven is next

Thanks as always for the read and notes.

Anthony



Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: December 21st, 2018, 6:07am Report to Moderator
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iRobot has been optioned, one of 8 optioned by the same producer.


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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