Hey Sylvia
Took a quick read, my thoughts... just my opinion of course...
It's a short short, so not too much to say as I think it worked well for what you were going for.
I have one suggestion, that I think would add an additional joke...
She whispers in his ear and squeezes his thigh.
Rich grins.
Tiffany finds an in-flight magazine from her bag and flips past a dog-eared page: “How To Pronounce Hawaiian”
She shows him an ad in the magazine: a pearl necklace
TIFFANY And if I’m right, you get me THIS pearl necklace. You game?
Rich laughs lasciviously and pulls in at the pick-up window.
Just a thought.
Anthony |