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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  How To Pronounce Hawaiian Moderators: bert
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  Author    How To Pronounce Hawaiian  (currently 889 views)
Don
Posted: January 13th, 2015, 5:55am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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How To Pronounce Hawaiian by Sylvia Dahlby - Short, Comedy - A gold-digger makes a friendly wager with her sugar daddy. 3 pages - pdf, format


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AnthonyCawood
Posted: January 17th, 2015, 2:37pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Sylvia

Took a quick read, my thoughts... just my opinion of course...

It's a short short, so not too much to say as I think it worked well for what you were going for.

I have one suggestion, that I think would add an additional joke...

She whispers in his ear and squeezes his thigh.

Rich grins.

Tiffany finds an in-flight magazine from her bag and flips past a dog-eared page: “How To Pronounce Hawaiian”

She shows him an ad in the magazine: a pearl necklace

TIFFANY
And if I’m right, you get me THIS pearl necklace. You game?

Rich laughs lasciviously and pulls in at the pick-up window.


Just a thought.

Anthony


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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