Hey Henry.

Tip I got from wonkavite - don't upload your script, save it to Dropbox in the public folder and use that link when submitting... then whenever you have a new version just replace the one in the Dropbox folder using exactly the same file name...

Voila!

That must be worth another read

Ah-ha. Very useful, thanks.

Definitely worth another read! (But I would have anyway)

Anthony

Good character introduction in depicting Angie as someone who’s evidently checked out of life, well beyond the point of caring. However, I got the impression she had been this way for sometime as her state suggested long term neglect but having read on I‘m thinking we’re meeting her fairly soon after she’s found out about her husband’s infidelity. If so, that's one hell of a degradation!

Effectively disturbing visual of her filling the dead dog with mementos. Having read on I see it functions well on a symbolic level too. As in the dead dog represents Barry's transgression which now (literally) contains the possessions of his and Angie's erstwhile relationship...all in one massacred, bloody mess.

Using the golf bag specifically in which to stuff the dog might have a grizzly significance yet to be revealed. We all know how that game in particular can come between spouses, especially those of the more senior demographic.

Thinking back to your opening description of the well kept workshop now blighted by the maddened Angie reinforces that anticipation of Mariticide.

ANGIE
Don’t worry, I’m sure your precious
Brian will be home soon.

- Methinks not…

I don’t know if you need the picture of Angie and Brian on the bedside table. Firstly we’ll join the dots that Brian is Angie’s husband/loved one without the need to explicitly show it like that. Also, would Brian or Roxy have allowed it to photo bomb their intimate selfie like that?

Plus, in 2015, developed photographs are almost a novelty, a relic of the past. How about the image is on Angie’s phone? She could’ve easily sent it to herself after discovering it on Brian’s phone or whatever.

Ok, so Brian hasn’t been killed yet has he? Is that what we’re led to believe? Angie is working her way through those around her (mother in Law, dog, lover) before he gets home? Given that the dog belongs to Roxy are we assume that Angie has already disposed of Roxy herself?

Nothing very original here, betrayed wife snaps and goes on a murderous spree, pretty standard stuff. Since its only 4 pages (although you could easily make it 3 if you were ruthless with the prose) there’s not much opportunity for it to develop a voice or distinguish it from the many others.

However, as I noted above, I did like the opening scene of Angie stuffing the dog with the trinkets, that’s an arresting image right there. Something tells me this is what provided the seed for the piece and you were compelled to write something around it.

Col.

Hey Col thanks for the read and notes, insightful as always... particularly where the inspiration came from

I think you read the shorter version, so there's a new one up that addresses some of your comments.

To respond to a couple of your thoughts

1) The photo bomb is to show that not only is Brian  cheating scumbag, but he's done the deed in the marital bed , kinda with Angie watching.
2) Printed photo, yep see where you are coming from, but it's Brian who's printed them and he's in his 50's... one to ponder on.

Glad you liked the arresting image, that certainly seems quite polarising

Anthony