Hi Manolis,

I haven't read any other comments, so let's have a look.

Title - I'm so so on this. On the one hand it doesn't appeal, but on the other it creates an emotional reaction. Interesting. On balance it probably works because it feels different.

Ah ha, like a found footage script. Well to start with. Who knows after, I haven't got there

Whilst I'm not a fan of these - but that's me - I would recommend being very clear with how you present this. To me, I should know it's a found footage - which I include personal footage - so that we have this in mind.

Ok it goes to normal footage now.

I LOVE the idea of being robbed, whilst drugged, and looking after a strange dog. Great.

I really liked that. Good work.

I am sure folk have pointed out tips to fine tune the writing, but quite frankly I don't care.

This was well handled, and had a slightly obvious finsih, but still handled well.

Well done.

Thanks for the read and the positive comments, Bill!

I hope it is clear now that the script is just a monologue combined with flashbacks (not a found footage script). As for the title, it is half a quote by Anatole France ("Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened."). But no one seems to have heard it.

I appreciate the feedback!

Manolis

Manolis

Good opening scene, sets up the comedic tone nicely.

"BACK TO SCENE"

TOM
And the burglary wasn’t the worst part.

- No harm to include some prose here after BACK TO SCENE just to establish Tom on the couch looking at the camera.

TOM
And the burglary wasn’t the worst
part.

- I get what you are going for but this just feels too random and improbable for it to blamed on him downing the sleeping pills and tying up the would-be guard dog. Rather just really really really unlucky.

TOM
My boss even made me pay the damn
mutt’s shrink.

- Again, I appreciate you are going for laughs, but a dog’s shrink, really? Plus, if Tom had been fired I know what he would be saying to his boss about footing that bill…

Nevertheless, and I know it might not seem this way from my above remarks, I do like the absurd, tongue-in-cheek humour here with the protagonist taking such offense over a barking dog, his faux confession into the camera and breaking the fourth wall.

TOM (V.O.)
And of the late Brigitte Bardot a
few moments later.

- She’s still alive. Or do you mean “a later Briggitte Bardot” as in older?

HANDSOME GUY #3
If only my goldfish didn’t require
my full time and attention!

- Good line.

TOM
This is Oliver. Was Oliver. It’s
been two weeks since...

- Nice call back to the opening scene, I was wondering about the significance of Oliver.

TOM (V.O.)
Healing would take time - she
totally understood that. I needed
to express my sorrow, let the tears
flow. Say goodbye to my old pal.

TOM (V.O.)
With a good deal of solace and
emotional support, of course.

- Good lines with Tom playing up the “dogless dog lover in grief” routine. Well written.

“smiles him off.”

- Ha, I like that description.

TOM (V.O.)
…I had to insist though…

- “Persevere” would fit better than “insist” here I reckon.

Given that Veronica has 8 dogs shouldn’t they play more of a part in the relationship montages and flashbacks between her and Tom? I mean, that’s a lot of canines running around and given Tom’s “full blown intolerance” of them there could be some decent comedy to be mined out of him being all sweet and tender around Veronica while throwing evils at the surrounding muts. Playing with that dynamic is well worth exploring for more laughs I think.

Remember, it was Tom’s primary reservation when he first sees Veronica in the park but he’s willing to get over it because she’s such a knockout. Yet that compromise/complication never reappears when they’re together. Feels like a missed opportunity.

I did laugh at the feigned suicide scene on the anniversary of Oliver’s death though, added a welcome bit of gallows humour.

I enjoyed this on the whole, there is the makings of a good comedic short in here but I think the ending felt a little flat. It might work better on screen, as in filmed, not necessarily showing Tom answering the door as I like the decision you made to play it off camera. My issue was more with it being predictable. Tom is pretending to mourn over his dead dog, even contemplate suicide on its anniversary so of course Veronica is going to get him a new one to make him feel better.

Also, even though I liked the tie in of the opening scene routine with later on I wondered why he was doing the whole lost-my-dog-Oliver act for the camera since he’s in fact waiting for Veronica to call over to give him his “personal gift”. I presumed that we would learn he and Veronica hadn’t worked out so he was perfecting the Oliver sob story for the next girl he was going to try it on but that wasn’t the case.

Anyway, some good stuff in here, I got a few laughs out of it,

Col.

Hey Col, thanks for another great review! Glad you enjoyed parts of the script. As for the rest:

Quoted from Colkurtz8 No harm to include some prose here after BACK TO SCENE just to establish Tom on the couch looking at the camera.

You are right.

Quoted from Colkurtz8 I get what you are going for but this just feels too random and improbable for it to blamed on him downing the sleeping pills and tying up the would-be guard dog. Rather just really really really unlucky.

Apparently, he didn't deserve to get fired, so he's rightfully resentful. He still blames the dog though, instead of his boss.

Quoted from Colkurtz8 Again, I appreciate you are going for laughs, but a dog’s shrink, really? Plus, if Tom had been fired I know what he would be saying to his boss about footing that bill…"

Pet psychologists do exist, no? Anyway, I agree that he normally wouldn't pay the bill after having got fired (unless his boss threatened to sue him or something).

Quoted from Colkurtz8 She’s still alive. Or do you mean “a later Briggitte Bardot” as in older?

Yes. I've fixed that one though – no mention of Bardot’s age at all.

Quoted from Colkurtz8 TOM (V.O.) …I had to insist though… - “Persevere” would fit better than “insist” here I reckon.

I'll take your suggestion.

Quoted from Colkurtz8 Given that Veronica has 8 dogs shouldn’t they play more of a part in the relationship montages and flashbacks between her and Tom? I mean, that’s a lot of canines running around and given Tom’s “full blown intolerance” of them there could be some decent comedy to be mined out of him being all sweet and tender around Veronica while throwing evils at the surrounding muts. Playing with that dynamic is well worth exploring for more laughs I think. Remember, it was Tom’s primary reservation when he first sees Veronica in the park but he’s willing to get over it because she’s such a knockout. Yet that compromise/complication never reappears when they’re together. Feels like a missed opportunity.

I tried to limit the dog scenes to what I thought was absolutely necessary, on the assumption that they wouldn't be easy to film. (I even had doubts about the puppy scene at the end.) But what you say makes sense, of course.

Quoted from Colkurtz8 I enjoyed this on the whole, there is the makings of a good comedic short in here but I think the ending felt a little flat. It might work better on screen, as in filmed, not necessarily showing Tom answering the door as I like the decision you made to play it off camera. My issue was more with it being predictable. Tom is pretending to mourn over his dead dog, even contemplate suicide on its anniversary so of course Veronica is going to get him a new one to make him feel better.

I do think the misunderstanding is relatively plausible, since Veronique knew that Tom had a sexual interest in her. She says that she "felt it was too soon to…", then tells him ("in a breathy voice") "Ce soir". Given that Tom wants her really bad, I think he could "misread those signs" (to quote Woody Allen).

Quoted from Colkurtz8 Also, even though I liked the tie in of the opening scene routine with later on I wondered why he was doing the whole lost-my-dog-Oliver act for the camera since he’s in fact waiting for Veronica to call over to give him his “personal gift”. I presumed that we would learn he and Veronica hadn’t worked out so he was perfecting the Oliver sob story for the next girl he was going to try it on but that wasn’t the case.

He's just trying to fool us the way he fooled Veronique, to show how convincing he's been as a mourner. Like I wrote in a previous post, the script is actually an adaptation of a theatrical monologue I've written (in Greek). So the guy just plays with the audience.

Quoted from Colkurtz8 Anyway, some good stuff in here, I got a few laughs out of it, Col.

Once again, thanks for the read and the helpful comments, Col! Always appreciated.

Manolis