Once his wife has died he has no reason to continue killing. I do like this but it needs some work. Being afraid of dying himself doesn't cut it unless you show us that in the story. He needs a reason to consider killing his daughter. The fact that the devil brought his wife back and then had her killed not long after doesn't make any sense.

You may reason that the devil didn't kill her, but it was a drug addict that did it and we are supposed to believe that the devil didn't have anything to do with that? Everyone knows how a deal with the devil will go down. Surely Peter would have suspected foul play and called of the deal.

I think the wife needs to be alive in some capacity. Maybe a stipulation of her being alive is that she needs seven blood transfusions before she returns to normal.

Hello Glenn.

I thought this was pretty good. Simple and straigh foreward, but also a little bit funny, in a delightfully dark manner.

Peter's line:
Paigey, when they come, tell them there�s three more in the shed.

...is really powerful. But it's force is somewhat diminished as you've aleardy had him say that the demon/devil wanted seven souls. I think it would kick even harder if you save that line about the needing seven till afterwards. As in:

PETER
Paigey, when they come, tell them there�s three more in the shed.

PAGE
What do you mean, three more?

PETER
He demanded seven. But I won't let him have you.
BANG!



I'd also think about coming up with a new title, as Beautiful Soul sounds like something my mother would watch on Hallmark, and not something I'd bother checking out, which means you'll lose most of your key audience.

Hi Glenn,

I'm writing notes as I read and without reading any other comments, so sorry if I repeat what has already been said.

The logline made me think this was a comedy. It read (to me anyway) like something Terry Pratchett  (RIP Sir Terry!) would have written.  A very serious, foreboding thing, but then he has his daughter over for tea!

Although a formality the Radio Announcer should have a (V.O.) next to it.

Peter walks towards the radio, he walks towards the front door' - Peter does a lot of walking towards things. Try to come up with a more natural, less awkward way of describing your character's movements.

I guess the shadowy figure wants him to kill his own daughter, we'll see.

Yes I'm right although you don't really sell it to me that this guy would murder so many innocent people, especially after his wife died anyway. At least he didn't kill his own daughter.  

There's quite a few orphans in the script, especially towards the end; and I'm not talking about Peter's victims. Look up script format orphans on your preferred search engine and have a look at your scripts to see how many times you do this.

The story didn't work for me but different strokes for different folks and all that!

Best of luck with it.

-Mark

Thank you all for the read and your remarks.

I do plan on giving this one a good going over and I will take all your advice into consideration.

All very much appreciated.