All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
If a comment makes a point and don't stink up the joint, then own it like a jewel and don't believe the fool.
I am no expert on hip-hop or rap, so I can't give you much feedback on that. But this is an enjoyable read. I think you captured the flavor of such a rap battle. Good job.
I am a fan of Hip Hop and I liked it. I like the way you write, you have a natural flow. Storywise, this probably wouldn't win many prizes, but the way it was told is something special.
That was great, what a very pleasant surprise. I too am a white boy from the semi-undangerous streets of the UK and yet you took me into that world and made me believe it. Love the rapping, loved the surprise twist and a great line at the end to finish it off.
Brilliant!
-Mark
For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
Loved it, Jean. Found a minor typo on page 4 where it reads "Jeff face screams", but aside from that I struggle to offer any criticism. Fast and funny read with some well written raps to boot. Really liked how the last line tied in as well, good work.
Wow, I really appreciate the comments guys. Will definitely check out that typo, Ecto.
I'm happy I successfully took you guys into a word you're not familiar with. Believe it or not, I actually edited down a ton of slang so the readers wouldn't get too lost, lol. I'm glad you guys were able to follow it.
This was great, no issues really both in story and execution. Technically it was solid.
The raps were sharp and funny, a tricky thing to take on but you pulled it off. Its obviously something you were confident about.
I was wondering too why he would've hung himself out to dry like that with the, shall we say, "pointed" tone of his raps...and embrace the inevitable beat-down. I also questioned why Jeff hadn't called him on it when reading over his page before entering the house but the last scene explains why and the closing line in particular was a great tie in.