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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Thank the Police Moderators: bert
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  Author    Thank the Police  (currently 4722 views)
Demento
Posted: February 2nd, 2015, 5:21pm Report to Moderator
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I think Tony here is obviously trying to troll people. This script is joke, a response to Dustin's F*ck the Police.
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irish eyes
Posted: February 2nd, 2015, 5:28pm Report to Moderator
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You can put Fade Out wherever you want.

According to these few websites,  it finishes on the right, I could also link you to thousands of scripts in which it finishes on the right... actually goto the home page

http://www.scriptologist.com/Magazine/Formatting/Scene/scene.html

http://www.storysense.com/format/transitions.htm

http://scripped.com/help/nav/_screenplay_basics

But you're right, if you're happy with it on the left who am I to argue.

Mark


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TonyDionisio
Posted: February 2nd, 2015, 5:41pm Report to Moderator
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Damnit, get to the point!

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So fade in is on the left and fade out is on the right? Why?
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Stumpzian
Posted: February 2nd, 2015, 5:42pm Report to Moderator
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Seems to me this script is not worth all this pontificating.

As I recall, Tony, you didn't like Dustin's script. So this, I guess, is your attempt to counter.  (His story doesn't need countering, in my view.) If that WASN'T your intent, I don't know what your intent was.

Henry



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Heretic
Posted: February 2nd, 2015, 5:52pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from TonyDionisio
"Fuck you cops, you just stops me cuz I be black!" and then resists. Cops wrestle him to the ground to take into custody and his fat-clogged heart gives out. Oh damn, is the world not a better place??? lol


This is also too one-note for me.

Fade in and out are left and right, respectively, for the reason that you suggested -- we read left to right, so we begin (fade in) at the left and end (fade out) at the right. Just a neat sense of balance. I don't think it's important.
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TonyDionisio
Posted: February 2nd, 2015, 6:06pm Report to Moderator
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Damnit, get to the point!

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Quoted from Demento
I think Tony here is obviously trying to troll people. This script is joke, a response to Dustin's F*ck the Police.


True about the "fuck the police"  script. That did inspire me to write this. False about the trolling part, Heretic handled that earlier in thread.

I will respond as I see fit.
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eldave1
Posted: February 2nd, 2015, 7:41pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted Text
Some of you really missed the whole point of this. Police don't just interact with the public in a 'power' way. Most of their calls are 911 and motor vehicle accidents. They also engage within the communities, schools, and do a ton of parades/fairs and even are assigned to help maintain traffic during various protests -- some protests against themselves, by the very people they protect.


I don't think anyone missed the point. Other than your first sentence, your first paragraph here is accurate. I think everyone has already pretty much stipulated that there are many good policeman and they are needed.


Quoted Text
A yong boy goes on a ride along and is excited by what he sees and wants to offer his thanks and a chance for everyone to thank the police as well.


So, if this is your log line, I will reiterate my original point. It is a boring and uninspired one.  i.e., if you were seriously trying to write a script commending the police - great, but do it in an interesting and compelling way. There are many interesting stories you could tell to support that theme. Conversely, If you are not trying to write a script, I'm lost to why it is posted in this thread.


Quoted Text
2 pages, yeah it's a short. Commercial for the police? Ok, not what I was shooting for, but I'm okay with that. Two pages is too one note??? How much can someone cover in 2 pages?


One could present an interesting theme in two pages. It is not so much about coverage is it is about story.


Quoted Text
Eldave, ok... so Jordan is black -- gets stopped walking home and perhaps legally frisked (if the local laws allow it) then, after he is released and told to have a nice day, says: "thank you, officers for keeping me safe while I walk home. My minor inconveinence was well worth it."


This would be more interesting than what you have. At least you would have a theme - e.g., treading on someone's civil rights or profiling them is for their own good - or something like that.


Quoted Text
...or perhaps he is a real hamster, gets caught with a weapon, some illegal drugs and illegal cigarettes that he has been peddling and also been to jail 6 times already but still continues to do it cuz his tiny brain just doesn't get it. "Fuck you cops, you just stops me cuz I be black!" and then resists. Cops wrestle him to the ground to take into custody and his fat-clogged heart gives out. Oh damn, is the world not a better place??? lol


Yuck.


Quoted Text
Pedophile priests? Thats a weird angle. Ok, trillions of people have benefited from the Catholic religion, hunger/disater relief medical/ethical benefits... so why not make a short thanking them for the good as well? Oh we can't cuz a small minority of them are gay rapists of children?


No, you could make a compelling movie praising the work of priests. In fact, they have been made. If it was one that simply involved a congregation applauding I would not find it interesting.




My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Grandma Bear
Posted: February 2nd, 2015, 8:05pm Report to Moderator
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The thing is Tony, people don't sit around the campfire and listen to someone tell us PSAs or commercials or the like. People want to hear stories. Stories need interesting characters, intrigue, clever interesting story plots. That's what keeps people wanting to watch/hear more. You can write stories that are pro whatever niche group, that's fine, but there has to be a story with characters we care about. We want to know what's going to happen next. This script doesn't. It's nothing against you or your beliefs or anyone else's. We're all just looking for great stories.


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DustinBowcot
Posted: February 3rd, 2015, 3:05am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from TonyDionisio


True about the "fuck the police"  script. That did inspire me to write this.


You were inspired by the title of my script as you didn't read the content. If you had read the content you would see that this response is a little silly. You were also inspired by those 1 page scripts that were posted here and copied the style. Instead of children shouting about 'keeping safe' you have people shouting thank you police officers, or whatever it is.


I'm pleased that the title of my script got you writing again... if only you'd written something decent with the urge, instead. I'd have been quite happy to read a real story. One that shows many facets of an issue and tackles them in an entertaining way.

If you read my script, you will see that it's not exactly as the title implies.
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Jean-Pierre Chapoteau
Posted: February 3rd, 2015, 9:58am Report to Moderator
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I thought the kids introduction was a little strange.  I get what you were going for but I thought it could have been worded a little differently.

"Proudly smile" no ING

I appreciate you making Officer Lewis a woman, because I have to say I assumed she was a man by default, and not saying that I still wouldn't have, but you did say "Officer Lewis put some wires on HIS chest, before you introduced Officer Lewis.

Well then. I didn't expect that ending. Preach, my brother. PREACH!

I wonder what the inspiration was. I can't wait to read the comments.

But would an officer keep a kid in car during all those shenanigans? I don't know much about ride alongs. Maybe they would.  


I DON'T READ REVIEWS BEFORE I REVIEW!!
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Jean-Pierre Chapoteau
Posted: February 3rd, 2015, 10:13am Report to Moderator
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Okay, WOW!  I have to go read Dustin's script. Will be back.

Well I can't find it.

But I have to say when I see police,  the first thing I think is danger.  I assume by default that they're up to no good. I don't like them looking at me or asking me any questions. This is all from bad past experiences when I am always obeying the law.  To say 'thank you officer" after being randomly frisked?" That's hilarious.  I won't even get into how wrong that is.

But I know most cops are great people. My friend grew up to become one. It's their job to find the bad apples, and I would literally bolt my doors shut if I found out they decided to just relax for a day and make that public. We need Police officers, and overall they are doing a great job in protecting the public. It's just hard to like them when they've harassed you throughout the years for no reason.

As a writer, I can't even imagine what kind of world I would live in if I felt safe when I saw police officers. Seriously. It's so foreign to me. "Oh the police are here, good" - WHAT??!!




I DON'T READ REVIEWS BEFORE I REVIEW!!

Revision History (1 edits)
Jean-Pierre Chapoteau  -  February 3rd, 2015, 10:29am
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DustinBowcot
Posted: February 3rd, 2015, 10:46am Report to Moderator
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Okay, WOW!  I have to go read Dustin's script. Will be back.

Well I can't find it.


http://simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-drama/m-1422010718/

There you go, mate.
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alffy
Posted: February 4th, 2015, 2:26pm Report to Moderator
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Did I just read a commercial for the Police force?


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
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Colkurtz8
Posted: February 10th, 2015, 10:18am Report to Moderator
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Anthony

I was waiting for a punch line here and anticipated it would be something in connection with the anti-police sentiment sweeping America at the moment in light of the killings. I'm thinking this is what inspired you to write this.

However, you appear to play it completely straight so it’s clear what side of the fence you sit on and that’s fine. I’m not a cop hater by any means but I would never be one, it’s a tough job, particularly in parts of the States. Still, it’s not mandatory either, people choose to sign up.

All that been said, the final question you pose, not in dialogue but in the prose comes off as didactic and finger wagging. I’m sure there is a more cinematic, less literal way to convey your message. As it’s written, it’s all too straightforward and instructional, which are not the most film friendly adjectives you want associated with your script. It reads more as PSA than a short film and this is perhaps your goal.

I see now that it wasn’t your intention but I did get a chuckle out of the unison “Thank you, Police Officers” responses from the crowd.

Col.


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LeeOConnor
Posted: February 10th, 2015, 2:07pm Report to Moderator
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Hi Anthony,

Read the short. It's very plain and straight to the point just like others have mentioned.

Yes Police officers, firefighters etc all should get a thanks and a pat on the back when it is deserved.
I don't certainly see them as hero's or people to look up to, if anything back in the UK, they abuse the power that they have and think they are above the law and I think that of the officers in the states too.

To be honest a lot of the time from my experience they provoke a situation, but of course this is on petty crime, so they will always come out on top.

The script for me just says every time I see a cop I should thank him, why? He's not enforcing anything in my eyes and like mentioned, certainly no hero.

My best friend and uncle who are police officers were both in the riots a few years ago in the UK, and both of which said it was a great crack, now does that attitude warrant a thank you?

But taking the script for what it is, it's a simple message, low budget and could be shot no problem. A good project for a student to pick up.

Cheers

Lee
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