Thank the Police by Anthony Dionisio - Short - A boy rides along with a police officer and has a lot to say about it. 2pgs. - pdf, format

Well done. A nice little message piece with natural dialogue. Very easy to visualize.

Only one suggestion - when Jordon used the word "cops" it felt out of place. I would have expected "police officers".

LOL.

Anthony,

Short, sweet, to-the-point... nice. Ironically, just this morning on FaceBook I thanked my friends and family who work as fire fighters and law enforcement. Guess we were both feeling grateful.

Ian

If Jordan was a black and living in Atlanta, East LA, Cleveland, St. Louis or a host of other cities he would have a pretty good chance of being stopped (or worse) by the police as he walked home from that ride along.

It's a matter of perspective. I'm an older white fok from the suburbs and my interaction with the police has ranged from positive to heroic. Other than the occasional traffic ticket all they have done as save my bacon during my 60 years on the planet.

Conversely, I have many friends from urban Los Angeles who fear and mistrust the police. When they encounter police their first sense is danger. That is based on a lifetime of frisking, unwarranted traffic stops and even brutality. Almost universally,  the common denominator amongst these friends is the color of their skin.

I would find it a more compelling vignette if their were two little 13 year olds who went on this common ride along. After which, one who goes home to the suburbs and one who goes home to the inner city. Their journeys and experiences would be very different and their views of the police by the time they hit their doorsteps would be in conflict. IMO, that would be an interesting and more complete story.

I see where you were going with this (replying to Dustin) but execution was way off. How about showing the officer do what the kid was saying as oppose to having the kid just say it?

I mean, this is a script. We primary deal with visuals. So show it. Lol.

Also, how about having a black or Hispanic?

Hope this helps
Gabe

As the wife of a police officer, I appreciate the sentiment here. Way, way, way more good cops than bad ones. All getting a bad rap these days though They could use a little positive support.

I'm not even going to get into my opinion on the whole issue except to say, if you're doing the right thing, you have nothing to fear.

Quoted from mmmarnie ...if you're doing the right thing, you have nothing to fear.

This is not true, as I'm sure we all know.

***

This script is super weird. Why the Audience as a character? Just to act like a blank-eyed cult? This is a piece of propaganda; we (the actual audience) are supposed to be the blank-eyed cult. The framing device hinders, I think, rather than helping.

The heavy foregounding of typical elements of severe political regulation -- the demand of audience unison, the dictation of recited speech, the transmission of messages by youth, the row of uniforms, the spectacle of the criminal hounded by a superior force, the fascist conceit of the weak individual empowered by the strong state -- almost makes this seem like a parody. Distressingly, I fear it is not.

Couple police officers in my family, but I doubt they'd be on board with this woefully saccharine agitprop.

Quoted from Heretic This is not true, as I'm sure we all know.

No. I don't know.  Personally I'm way more afraid of criminals, and if there weren't so damn many people doing the wrong thing, we wouldn't need so many cops in the first place. If someone is being profiled and they aren't doing anything wrong, they should be pissed at the criminals who look like them who are giving them a bad name. That goes for anyone being profiled...black, middle eastern, hippie looking peeps, bald headed guys mistaken for skinheads, Muslims...whoever. Be pissed at the bad apples in your group or religion, the ones who are causing you to be profiled, rather than the cops whose job it is to pluck out the bad apples. As for any of these criminals who resist arrest or pull guns on cops...the answer is simple...don't resist arrest or pull a gun on a cop.  

Yo,

Thx for the quick post SS and the reads.

Bogey, good point about the word 'cops'.

Ian, that's awesome that you feel that way. You know, I've been around a lot of fuzz and I never met a cop that wakes up in the morning and wants to go out and shoot or hurt someone -- and any who might, just wont last very long at all. Cops genuinly want to help people.

If you stop for a second, the numbers of law enforcement/people with more 'power' than an ordinary citizen, referenced to the trillions of interactions LE has with the public -- I'm certain the numbers of 'abuse' are extremely low, loss of any life being tragic, ofcourse. You just hear about cherry-picked incidents from the drive-by media. They are the propagandists, Heretic.

Marnieml, I agree 100%

Gabe, I didn't specify race of the explorers or their family cause its not important to me. A boy tells the story about his experience.

"The heavy foregounding of typical elements of severe political regulation -- the demand of audience unison, the dictation of recited speech, the transmission of messages by youth, the row of uniforms, the spectacle of the criminal hounded by a superior force, the fascist conceit of the weak individual empowered by the strong state -- almost makes this seem like a parody. Distressingly, I fear it is not."

Heretic, you are scaring me here. This is... wow. I feel bad for a mind that thinks like this.

Here's an idea. 2 weeks advanced notice... every LE in the world calls in sick for 1 day -- see what happens then -- guaranteed you ain't seen anything like it. Change a bunch of low information minds then

Tony

Tony, I get the sense that an anti-police sentiment has been attached to me here, though I'm not sure particularly why. I'm fine with police, and I suspect there are about as many good people policing as in any other job.

I'm anti-propaganda, which this certainly is -- its aim is to elevate and lionize a specific (political) group with the complementary tactic/intent of dehumanizing an opposing force, the "bad men" -- but if propagandize you must, I again suggest that the framing device of the Audience as spectators is distracting, especially speaking in ritualized unison.

This may be a divergence in taste, but in order to feel a genuine sense of thankfulness for the people who work as police officers, I would need a story that highlights the humanity (and its messiness/fallibility) of those people, rather than a piece that shuts me down with attempts to manipulate. Fargo is a great example of a story where you almost instantly become thankful for the good people that choose policing.

I notice you ignored eldave's comment, but to me, a willingness to engage with those sorts of complications is what would ultimately make for a satisfying script, propaganda or not. This is far too one-note for me.

If you really are interested in 'the numbers,' there is a good source of studies here: http://journalistsresource.org.....ch-review-statistics

You'll notice that they (and I) agree with you that the media are a serious source of misinformation, though the anti-police bias that you are perhaps implying may not exist.

Oh, and finally, thanks for the condescension!

***

Marnie, I don't mean anything further but to say that your original statement is objectively wrong. The world's unfair, nice people sometimes finish last, and police sometimes shoot and kill completely innocent people (random example). They're only human.

My problem with both your initial comment and this script is that they suggest an impossibly high standard for police. In your comment, it's not accurate; in the script, it's not realistic.

One thing that jumped out at me on this story, which was very subtle, is that the police officer is a woman.

Thinking back, I don't think I've ever seen a media report of police brutality that involved a female officer. Not saying it doesn't occur - I just don't recall ever hearing about it.

Tony may have touched upon something meaningful - the way female officers interact with the public vs. their male counterparts. I may be reading more into it than the story intended, but it was the detail that I remember most from the story.  

Quoted from Heretic Tony, I get the sense that an anti-police sentiment has been attached to me here, though I'm not sure particularly why. I'm fine with police, and I suspect there are about as many good people policing as in any other job. I'm anti-propaganda, which this certainly is -- its aim is to elevate and lionize a specific (political) group with the complementary tactic/intent of dehumanizing an opposing force, the "bad men" -- but if propagandize you must, I again suggest that the framing device of the Audience as spectators is distracting, especially speaking in ritualized unison. This may be a divergence in taste, but in order to feel a genuine sense of thankfulness for the people who work as police officers, I would need a story that highlights the humanity (and its messiness/fallibility) of those people, rather than a piece that shuts me down with attempts to manipulate. Fargo is a great example of a story where you almost instantly become thankful for the good people that choose policing. I notice you ignored eldave's comment, but to me, a willingness to engage with those sorts of complications is what would ultimately make for a satisfying script, propaganda or not. This is far too one-note for me. If you really are interested in 'the numbers,' there is a good source of studies here: http://journalistsresource.org.....ch-review-statistics You'll notice that they (and I) agree with you that the media are a serious source of misinformation, though the anti-police bias that you are perhaps implying may not exist. Oh, and finally, thanks for the condescension! *** Marnie, I don't mean anything further but to say that your original statement is objectively wrong. The world's unfair, nice people sometimes finish last, and police sometimes shoot and kill completely innocent people (random example). They're only human. My problem with both your initial comment and this script is that they suggest an impossibly high standard for police. In your comment, it's not accurate; in the script, it's not realistic.

Pretty much dead on. IMO, two basic issues have arisen in the thread.

The first one is the script itself. I found it boring, lacking nuance. It's if someone had written a script dealing with pedophile priests and then as a follow-up or rebuttal, someone wrote a script with the congregation applauding priests doing good things as if no one had an experience with a bad one.

In terms of the policing issue itself.

Quoted Text If someone is being profiled and they aren't doing anything wrong, they should be pissed at the criminals who look like them who are giving them a bad name. That goes for anyone being profiled...black, middle eastern, hippie looking peeps, bald headed guys mistaken for skinheads, Muslims...whoever. Be pissed at the bad apples in your group or religion, the ones who are causing you to be profiled, rather than the cops whose job it is to pluck out the bad apples. As for any of these criminals who resist arrest or pull guns on cops...the answer is simple...don't resist arrest or pull a gun on a cop.

Yes, I believe that the vast majority of cops are good. I know many. I have empathy for the their situations much like I do for those in the military. Personally, I think I am weak enough that should I have to endure the day to day challenges that either of these groups endure I would be a train wreck.

But to suggest that a black person, Latino or other minority should blame their own group for their disparate treatment rather than demand equal treatment based on who they are individually is a bridge too far for me. If white folks were subject to stiffer background checks for guns because the vast majority of mass shootings are done by white people, there would be an uproar. If white people has their bank transactions audited three times as much as black folks because most financial crimes are committed by white folks - there would be a rebellion. The ideal of policing must be that their actions are taken based on the specific actions of an individual, rather than the group that the individual is associated with.    

Not really a short script, more of a commercial for the police.
It was nicely wrote, but again nothing really to it as far as a story goes. You could elaborate more by actually taking us on these adventures. Maybe throw in a flashback each time the boy talks.

Fade Out is usually on the right.

Mark

Some of you really missed the whole point of this. Police don't just interact with the public in a 'power' way. Most of their calls are 911 and motor vehicle accidents. They also engage within the communities, schools, and do a ton of parades/fairs and even are assigned to help maintain traffic during various protests -- some protests against themselves, by the very people they protect.

A yong boy goes on a ride along and is excited by what he sees and wants to offer his thanks and a chance for everyone to thank the police as well.

2 pages, yeah it's a short. Commercial for the police? Ok, not what I was shooting for, but I'm okay with that. Two pages is too one note??? How much can someone cover in 2 pages?

Eldave, ok... so Jordan is black -- gets stopped walking home and perhaps legally frisked (if the local laws allow it) then, after he is released and told to have a nice day, says: "thank you, officers for keeping me safe while I walk home. My minor inconveinence was well worth it."

...or perhaps he is a real hamster, gets caught with a weapon, some illegal drugs and illegal cigarettes that he has been peddling and also been to jail 6 times already but still continues to do it cuz his tiny brain just doesn't get it. "Fuck you cops, you just stops me cuz I be black!" and then resists. Cops wrestle him to the ground to take into custody and his fat-clogged heart gives out. Oh damn, is the world not a better place??? lol

Pedophile priests? Thats a weird angle. Ok, trillions of people have benefited from the Catholic religion, hunger/disater relief medical/ethical benefits... so why not make a short thanking them for the good as well? Oh we can't cuz a small minority of them are gay rapists of children?

Women police make great officers. Sex/race doesn't matter as long as the department/community recruits the best possible people they can. This assault on the police keeps up and the best candidates wont want the job anymore and then we'll have an even greater problem.

Fade out usually on the right? Why? We read left to right, unless you read right to left. It may be missed on the right. Left is better IMO.

I think Tony here is obviously trying to troll people. This script is joke, a response to Dustin's F*ck the Police.

You can put Fade Out wherever you want.

According to these few websites,  it finishes on the right, I could also link you to thousands of scripts in which it finishes on the right... actually goto the home page

http://www.scriptologist.com/Magazine/Formatting/Scene/scene.html

http://www.storysense.com/format/transitions.htm

http://scripped.com/help/nav/_screenplay_basics

But you're right, if you're happy with it on the left who am I to argue.

Mark

So fade in is on the left and fade out is on the right? Why?

Seems to me this script is not worth all this pontificating.

As I recall, Tony, you didn't like Dustin's script. So this, I guess, is your attempt to counter.  (His story doesn't need countering, in my view.) If that WASN'T your intent, I don't know what your intent was.

Henry

Quoted from TonyDionisio "Fuck you cops, you just stops me cuz I be black!" and then resists. Cops wrestle him to the ground to take into custody and his fat-clogged heart gives out. Oh damn, is the world not a better place??? lol

This is also too one-note for me.

Fade in and out are left and right, respectively, for the reason that you suggested -- we read left to right, so we begin (fade in) at the left and end (fade out) at the right. Just a neat sense of balance. I don't think it's important.

Quoted from Demento I think Tony here is obviously trying to troll people. This script is joke, a response to Dustin's F*ck the Police.

True about the "fuck the police"  script. That did inspire me to write this. False about the trolling part, Heretic handled that earlier in thread.

I will respond as I see fit.

Quoted Text Some of you really missed the whole point of this. Police don't just interact with the public in a 'power' way. Most of their calls are 911 and motor vehicle accidents. They also engage within the communities, schools, and do a ton of parades/fairs and even are assigned to help maintain traffic during various protests -- some protests against themselves, by the very people they protect.

I don't think anyone missed the point. Other than your first sentence, your first paragraph here is accurate. I think everyone has already pretty much stipulated that there are many good policeman and they are needed.

Quoted Text A yong boy goes on a ride along and is excited by what he sees and wants to offer his thanks and a chance for everyone to thank the police as well.

So, if this is your log line, I will reiterate my original point. It is a boring and uninspired one.  i.e., if you were seriously trying to write a script commending the police - great, but do it in an interesting and compelling way. There are many interesting stories you could tell to support that theme. Conversely, If you are not trying to write a script, I'm lost to why it is posted in this thread.

Quoted Text 2 pages, yeah it's a short. Commercial for the police? Ok, not what I was shooting for, but I'm okay with that. Two pages is too one note??? How much can someone cover in 2 pages?

One could present an interesting theme in two pages. It is not so much about coverage is it is about story.

Quoted Text Eldave, ok... so Jordan is black -- gets stopped walking home and perhaps legally frisked (if the local laws allow it) then, after he is released and told to have a nice day, says: "thank you, officers for keeping me safe while I walk home. My minor inconveinence was well worth it."

This would be more interesting than what you have. At least you would have a theme - e.g., treading on someone's civil rights or profiling them is for their own good - or something like that.

Quoted Text ...or perhaps he is a real hamster, gets caught with a weapon, some illegal drugs and illegal cigarettes that he has been peddling and also been to jail 6 times already but still continues to do it cuz his tiny brain just doesn't get it. "Fuck you cops, you just stops me cuz I be black!" and then resists. Cops wrestle him to the ground to take into custody and his fat-clogged heart gives out. Oh damn, is the world not a better place??? lol

Yuck.

Quoted Text Pedophile priests? Thats a weird angle. Ok, trillions of people have benefited from the Catholic religion, hunger/disater relief medical/ethical benefits... so why not make a short thanking them for the good as well? Oh we can't cuz a small minority of them are gay rapists of children?

No, you could make a compelling movie praising the work of priests. In fact, they have been made. If it was one that simply involved a congregation applauding I would not find it interesting.

The thing is Tony, people don't sit around the campfire and listen to someone tell us PSAs or commercials or the like. People want to hear stories. Stories need interesting characters, intrigue, clever interesting story plots. That's what keeps people wanting to watch/hear more. You can write stories that are pro whatever niche group, that's fine, but there has to be a story with characters we care about. We want to know what's going to happen next. This script doesn't. It's nothing against you or your beliefs or anyone else's. We're all just looking for great stories.

Quoted from TonyDionisio True about the "fuck the police"  script. That did inspire me to write this.

You were inspired by the title of my script as you didn't read the content. If you had read the content you would see that this response is a little silly. You were also inspired by those 1 page scripts that were posted here and copied the style. Instead of children shouting about 'keeping safe' you have people shouting thank you police officers, or whatever it is.


I'm pleased that the title of my script got you writing again... if only you'd written something decent with the urge, instead. I'd have been quite happy to read a real story. One that shows many facets of an issue and tackles them in an entertaining way.

If you read my script, you will see that it's not exactly as the title implies.

I thought the kids introduction was a little strange.  I get what you were going for but I thought it could have been worded a little differently.

"Proudly smile" no ING

I appreciate you making Officer Lewis a woman, because I have to say I assumed she was a man by default, and not saying that I still wouldn't have, but you did say "Officer Lewis put some wires on HIS chest, before you introduced Officer Lewis.

Well then. I didn't expect that ending. Preach, my brother. PREACH!

I wonder what the inspiration was. I can't wait to read the comments.

But would an officer keep a kid in car during all those shenanigans? I don't know much about ride alongs. Maybe they would.  

Okay, WOW!  I have to go read Dustin's script. Will be back.

Well I can't find it.

But I have to say when I see police,  the first thing I think is danger.  I assume by default that they're up to no good. I don't like them looking at me or asking me any questions. This is all from bad past experiences when I am always obeying the law.  To say 'thank you officer" after being randomly frisked?" That's hilarious.  I won't even get into how wrong that is.

But I know most cops are great people. My friend grew up to become one. It's their job to find the bad apples, and I would literally bolt my doors shut if I found out they decided to just relax for a day and make that public. We need Police officers, and overall they are doing a great job in protecting the public. It's just hard to like them when they've harassed you throughout the years for no reason.

As a writer, I can't even imagine what kind of world I would live in if I felt safe when I saw police officers. Seriously. It's so foreign to me. "Oh the police are here, good" - WHAT??!!

Quoted from Jean-Pierre Chapoteau Okay, WOW!  I have to go read Dustin's script. Will be back. Well I can't find it.

http://simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-drama/m-1422010718/

There you go, mate.

Did I just read a commercial for the Police force?

Anthony

I was waiting for a punch line here and anticipated it would be something in connection with the anti-police sentiment sweeping America at the moment in light of the killings. I'm thinking this is what inspired you to write this.

However, you appear to play it completely straight so it’s clear what side of the fence you sit on and that’s fine. I’m not a cop hater by any means but I would never be one, it’s a tough job, particularly in parts of the States. Still, it’s not mandatory either, people choose to sign up.

All that been said, the final question you pose, not in dialogue but in the prose comes off as didactic and finger wagging. I’m sure there is a more cinematic, less literal way to convey your message. As it’s written, it’s all too straightforward and instructional, which are not the most film friendly adjectives you want associated with your script. It reads more as PSA than a short film and this is perhaps your goal.

I see now that it wasn’t your intention but I did get a chuckle out of the unison “Thank you, Police Officers” responses from the crowd.

Col.

Hi Anthony,

Read the short. It's very plain and straight to the point just like others have mentioned.

Yes Police officers, firefighters etc all should get a thanks and a pat on the back when it is deserved.
I don't certainly see them as hero's or people to look up to, if anything back in the UK, they abuse the power that they have and think they are above the law and I think that of the officers in the states too.

To be honest a lot of the time from my experience they provoke a situation, but of course this is on petty crime, so they will always come out on top.

The script for me just says every time I see a cop I should thank him, why? He's not enforcing anything in my eyes and like mentioned, certainly no hero.

My best friend and uncle who are police officers were both in the riots a few years ago in the UK, and both of which said it was a great crack, now does that attitude warrant a thank you?

But taking the script for what it is, it's a simple message, low budget and could be shot no problem. A good project for a student to pick up.

Cheers

Lee

Steering well clear of the debate around the subject matter, which belongs in another forum, this isn't a story or even an entertaining scene. If you wanted to get a message across you could have done it in an interesting story but this reads like a commercial.  

I was waiting for some punchline, some twist where the girl maybe mentions she got far more involved in the police action than she should...or something but there was nothing like that. The last line is something the audience can't see, unless you add a SUPER to it.

-Mark

While I like the overall message, I feel like it could have been executed in a more visually interesting and personal way. Maybe a story about someone that looks down on law enforcement realizing that they're not all bad after all, and deserve appreciation, or something along those lines.