Still way off from what? If the sentence says the ship is 800 miles from the sun then that is what ii is, so how is that still way off?
and the ship is nit almost at Titan, it has another 80-90 million miles to travel, yes 80-90 miles is nearly there compared to 800 but still depending on the gravity during that distance still could take longer than 800 miles.

Titan mission is set to launch between 2016-2022 but are attempting to get a flight plan together for 2020.

You can believe what you want to believe in terms of people being on mars or not being on mars but I don't listen to what so called world leaders tell me, I guess I just refuse to be a fool and decided to take my head out of my ass and look at the facts in front of me. All the answers are there, you just need to look at them and find them. Don't be afraid to be a free thinker.  

This is your opinion, it isn't fact, and the same could be said for me, yes you are a sceptic, that is your right to be. But do some research, and then step in to my shoes with people who I know and speak with. You don't know me and I don't intend to tell you anything about me. I'm merely trying to educate my knowledge through the art of film, and I will do that when I make this short this summer.

Cheers

Lee

I could continue  giving you scientific facts, but that doesn't make an impression.

I'll leave it at this: You have made some big mistakes. If you want to stick with what you have, fine.

Henry

And I could give you facts that they have already gone to mars. But beside all of that what mistakes? Besides the distance of where the ship is to the sun? It's a story regardless if it is true or not and what you believe doesn't matter. It's not a mistake just because on your belief system.

So what if nasa scraps their flight plan to Titan on 2020 and change it to 2040 which is more likely but that has no reflection on my script, that's a minor detail.

I don't think you're seeing this story for what it is.

So let's keep the comments on the script, like you say let's leave it at that. But if you want to continue the debate on who's right and wrong send me private message and we will discuss it that way.

Lee

Lee

“Spotless, white with a clinical feel.”

- Don’t they all

“Astronaut, HENDRIK HENSON, 35,”

- Great astronaut's name. Just seems very fitting.

I like how you methodically show his routine in the opening couple of pages, sets the tone and conveys the monotony of such an existence. Recalls those procedural scenes in 2001: A Space Odyssey and the isolation of Moon, no mean feat.

Is it too easy for me to draw a comparison to Interstellar in the video message scenes between Hendrik and Saskia? Did you write this before or after you watched it? Presuming you did see it.

MIKE
That’s the difficult part. It’s a
one man mission. A single craft. A
thirteen year round trip in
complete isolation.

- Would they offer a married man such a lengthy mission? One of the details mentioned in the novel of 2001: A Space Odyssey is that Bowman and Poole are chosen for the mission, for their expertise yes, but also because they have no familial ties.

It’s conceivable of course that Hendrik is the best guy for the job so he should be chosen so I wonder could you give him some character point or a specialized skill which means he is really the only guy for this mission. Perhaps he went on a similar mission before he got married or something. Just a suggestion.

HENDRIK (CONT’D)
Listen, I could not image being
Away…

- “Image” should be “imagine”

“classical MUSIC sounds throughout the craft.”

- Nice, very 2001-ish, which is always a good thing in my books.

HENDRIK
Well this is it sweetheart, the
long haul until I will be able to
speak to you again. I wish I had
more time to say goodbye. I love
you both so much. Eden look after
your Mother and do well in school.
Saskia, I will be dreaming about
you, I love you forever baby. I’ll
send you a transmission as soon as
I can.

- You'd imagine he would say more given he's going under for 2 years but I get that you can't write some 3 page long speech either. Plus, he's been in space for a few years now so the transmissions have presumably become more regimented and routine.

“opens a draw,”

- “draw” should be “drawer”

“He puts away the bowl, glances at his watch”

- What bowl? You use "the" as if we should know it. Sorry, very pedantic indeed!

I’m really immersed in it now to see what went wrong during his hyper sleep; the ominous starry void staring back at him, the waiting messages on his monitor. Has he gone off course and now drifting in deep deep space? Or overslept Rip Van Winkle style! Something is clearly wrong anyway. Reading on…

Yeah by page 11 it is certainly leaning more towards Interstellar with the vast passage of time and life spanning messages from home. Which for me is a bit of a problem as I wasn’t a big fan of that film.

“Hendrik covers his mouth, shocked, tears stream down his
face.”

- I mean, that’s pure McConaughey right there!

SASKIA (V.O)
Stay calm, Hendrik.

"Hendrik turns, the voice came from behind - no one there."

- Interesting, these ghostly intimations of his loved one invokes Solaris and how that film plays with the mind of the characters, resulting in apparitions/hallucinations and manifestations of your deepest thoughts. The 1972 Tarkovsky version is one of my favorite sci-fi films so again, a compliment. More Solaris and less Interstellar please

“Hendrik pushes through the door, stands in the doorway -
it’s Mike Edgington’s NASA office. Hendrik sits opposite
Mike, talking.”

- Unfortunately this is getting much too like Interstellar for my tastes. Even if I loved the film I would still consider the similarities too blatant in regards the time twisting, multiple worlds Hendrik is coming in and out of it. The door metaphor feels uninspired and familiar too, been done before a thousand times...whether it’s all in his mind or the result of entering some wormhole remains to be seen…

HENDRIK
Saskia, where are you?

- Can we get a variation on the "Where are you?" line. He's said it three times now.

HENDRIK
The fifth dimension. The doors are
giving me my life in different
scenarios.

- Yeah, by now you've lost me I’m afraid. I didn't dig this plot development in Interstellar so I’m not going to like it here, sorry. Plus, once again, the rip off is egregious, especially for a film that came out within the last 6 months.

Besides, the dialogue itself is just pure exposition, something which repeatedly bogged down Interstellar too. On top of that there is no explanation that Hendrik has passed into some 5th dimension. He is just speculating based on his own beliefs (ok, the evidence is pretty strong with all these door leading to different times in his life) but what about the layman reader?

I mean, only for Interstellar most of us won’t have a clue what he’s talking about. With the knowledge of seeing that film we can perhaps fill in the blanks and surmise that he must have inadvertently entered a wormhole or whatever but we should get some indication of this within your script so it works on its own terms without the reader needing to have watched Nolan’s film.

It’s a pity because this started really well, I was intrigued by the scenario and appreciated the allusions to other films as I’ve mentioned. What I wanted to see most was where you would take it...hopefully in a fresh and unexpected direction. Half way through when he wakes up from his hyper sleep and something is clearly amiss I was glued to it, great tension and build up there as Hendrik gradually realizes all is not right.

Unfortunately, it just became a carbon copy of the film-I-shall-not-mention-because-I-have-too-many-times-already and I was cast adrift (much like Hendrik) for the last third.

Col.

Thanks for the read Col your comments are always much appreciated.

Quite a lot of what you have read has been changed and a final draft has been completed. We also felt (like most people have commented) that this was to similar to what is out there already.

With the direction we want to take this, we hope to achieve a new angle on visuals to make this project unique. We certainly do not want to make a replica of another film like 2001 or interstellar.

I'd rather not make it so blatantly obvious to what has happened to Hendrik, I think the audience or at least an intelligent audience will know exactly what is happening, especially when entering another dimension. (not calling you unintelligent by any means)

I intend to make films for intelligent audiences who engage in the story not just daydream looking at the screen, I don't want this to hit the big time nor do I want it to be filled with action packed scenes. If I want to have a character stuck in a white room lost in space for 20mins and film it then thats what I will do. My original idea was to go into more depth in the fifth dimension but that would be an endless cycle of a film. Someone will appreciate what I do and unfortunately i'm sad to say, that is a very small market.


And just for the recored I started writing this quite a while back way before interstellar, I just don't have the millions of dollars to get my projects off the ground quick enough, but I guess a projects will always be compared to another.

Thanks again for the read Col.

Lee