Nightout by Siva B - Short, Suspense - A man and women candle light dinner acquires an odd taste, when a man returns from a cigarette break to find that the women has disappeared and the one remaining customer in the restaurant is gorging on what appears to be skin and bone. 6 pages - pdf, format

Hi Siva,

I see a lot of basic grammatical mistakes that give me the impression English isn't your first language. I'll focus on the story.

I liked the concept. It's slightly far-fetched and not as fully realized as it could be, but it held my interest. Part of the problem is you give everything away in your logline. There is nothing left for the reader to digest (pardon my pun) because you don't bring anything new to the table (pardon another pun) aside from what we already learned from the logline.

How did the stranger have time to kill, cook, and eat the man's girlfriend in such a short period of time?

I thought it would have been funny if the entire script was a giant misunderstanding.

You suggest the stranger eating the girlfriend by showing him retrieve a hair clip from his mouth. What if the girlfriend accidentally dropped this in the stranger's food at the start of the script, and the rest of the story plays almost like a sketch comedy? The girlfriend goes missing, the boyfriend sees the stranger pull the hair clip out of his mouth, and he assumes the stranger ate her up. It could lead to some potentially hilarious situational moments.

I would recommend adding something to the story to give it some pop.

The one thing I will certainly congratulate you on is writing a short script that's relatively easy to film. Everyone here can tell you that's not an easy thing to do.

Keep writing.

Chris