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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  What Is Hell? Moderators: bert
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  Author    What Is Hell?  (currently 2946 views)
LC
Posted: March 31st, 2015, 6:33am Report to Moderator
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Source Code, Groundhog Day, Run Lola Run, Edge Of Tomorrow, all operate on the same principle of reliving the day or past events over and over with different outcomes/scenarios/complications. We have a tendency to: 'this reminds me of this' etc. That said I think this is a pretty nifty idea for a short.


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Colkurtz8
Posted: May 18th, 2015, 9:00am Report to Moderator
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Richard

This was very well written I must say, virtually no issues technically. A breezy read.

I really dug the first 3 pages. In other words, the first attempt we see Will and Clare make to evade their pursuers. The action throttled along at a great pace, complimented by terse, snappy dialogue. The opening scene in particular had an initial casually idyllic feel to it before turning sinister with the mention of the meddling Aunt. It was referred to in such a matter-of-fact, seemingly offhand manner that I couldn’t help be reminded of “Badlands”

I was curious to keep reading and find out more.

Then Will wakes on the blanket in the park and we realise where we are at, sort of “Groundhog Day” meets “Run Lola Run” territory which is not a bad thing I liked but those films but the concept has been done to death by now, reliving the same moments to see can one do it better, cause and effect, decision making and consequence, etc.

I did enjoy what you did with their second attempt (although we find out they have had many more prior) but with the ending being so left so up in the air as it is it all feels a bit gimmicky, all style over substance. I mean, outside of the neat central idea there is not really much to grab onto here. It just seems destined to repeat itself in some horrible purgatory...or as Paco (and the title) suggests “Hell”

I'm not expecting some fully fleshed out back-story but I feel you have to give us more than just showing this couple trying (and failing) to evade these homeboys over and over again...before ending it as they're about to do it again. I don’t think tacking on the theme of quantifying what hell would be like justifies it.

I do appreciate the fatalistic tone in the final exchange where they resign themselves to the conclusion that taking their own life is the most desirable option, as if there is some romantic dignity in that. However, I think we need something more substantial because right now it just feels like a writing exercise. One that was conceived purely on the basis “that wouldn’t it be cool to show multiple versions of the same scene” without much thought put into crafting an actual self contained narrative.

Still, my bit?hing aside, the script certainly has its moments and the writing is very assured.

Col.


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