Senex by Christina Dimitriadou - Short - A little boy teaches his parents a grave lesson: Don't do unto others what you don't want others to do unto you. 4 pages - pdf, format

Hi Christina,
    I'm gonna read your script.  I will make notes as I see them.  If you have a common theme (like past tense) I will only list it once since I don't want to pile on.

Here goes and good luck:

1.  You don't list any contact info.  What if someone wants to make this?

It's cute.  I can see this being made.  I don't know how correct the formatting is for showing the different days, and i notice that you don't really show what the family looks like.  They really don't have personalities at all.  And honestly, I didn't get the end.

But, it's an easy read, which considering there is very little dialog, that was impressive.

I hope you flesh out the story.

I'd read any rewrite you do.

Dan

Christina,

some comments come with elderly advice.  And that advice can be bad too.  Read with caution.

A cute little story with a little moral.  Works for me.  To improve it, I think you might show Rose and Gregory as trying to accommodate granddad even though the accommodations are belittling.  After Grandad spills his soup, they give him a bib and sippy cup.  After he breaks a dish, they feed him on paper plates.  His place setting becomes a sheet of plastic.  And as they make these arrangements for granddad, Anthony is modifying his little play set.  Giving the figures bibs, coating the table with plastic, mimicing his parents.  Cute until Anthony tells his parents they're going to have the little table.

One last point, and I confess I'm very guilty of this.  The idea of a story is to get emotion from the audience, not necessarily the character.  Showing granddad crying doesn't do anything for me (made of stone here).  Showing me granddad being stoic, taking his punishments, and trying to be better, yeah, that evokes some consideration from the audience.  

Best
Richard

Hi Christina, the format is something you need to work on, the character names should be in capitals only first time they appear in the scenes etc.

Hello Christina,

that was a really nice read, loved the little story involved here. And for me it works and grabs me. It's well written also, maybe a few actions are a bit too long, but that's nitpicking. I agree with Marcela, your format is a bit off. Check out a few other scripts here on the site. In dialogs, leave the ':' away behind characters for example.

Anyways, good job and good luck with it.

Nice little story. Works for what it is. GL.

Tony.

I didn't think it was bad at all, if anything I would say it was... quite touching.

It's something which can be filmed as well on a low budget, so that's a plus of course if you plan to take it that step further.

Not much else to say really, the writing can always be improved as others have mentioned, something which we all try and do.