Scars of Men by Jaygua - Short, Drama - A former Music legend spend his time serving community hours with troubled teens while searching for his real purpose.  43 pages - pdf, format

Jaygua,

Sometimes comments cut to the quick.  Read with one eye open.

I just started this.  read the first 6 pages which is an extended scene in a car with dad and son.  Way too long.  No matter how witty the dialogue is, it won't hold for 6 pages.  And I don't know what Korean Fork music is.

We get to the dentist, and Tommy becomes Dylan?  And we have some more inane chat that goes nowhere before we get to the old man who got in trouble for starring at his teacher's chest.  Staring, perhaps?  

Made it to page 18, but it's more of the same chat going nowhere.  It's me, I'm sure.  I can't get into it.

Best
Richard

You've got a talent for dialogue. Which is probably the most important thing in a screenplay, but you really need to work on the rest. Even some of the dialogue.

Show up. Participate and learn a thing or two. In a year or two, you'll be writing like a pro.