Coulrophobia by P.H. Cook (Angry Bear) - Short, Horror - A young woman, suffering from coulrophobia gets stuck in an elevator with a clown. 5 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Coulrophobia from Indie Me on Vimeo.

Thanks Don! You're awesome as usual.

Yes, this is another damn elevator script! Dena asked me to write a piece for her elevator anthology, so I did, because I like her.  Any input on how this could be made better would be very much appreciated.



And yes, I'm aware I still have some elevator scripts return reads to do as well.  

Great job on this Pia. I can't wait to do this little creepy piece!

Quoted from Pale Yellow I can't wait to do this little creepy piece!

said the vicar to the Goth dwarf.

Hi Pia,

What not bunny man. Gosh, what a missed opportunity. (have a crying clown motif)

SPOILERS

The premise here is very sound. The small space, the claustrophobia, the immediacy of the problem.

The evilness of clowns has been well used, but it doesn't mean it can't be used.

I like the fact the brain can warp under pressure, make you see things, do things etc, but I would probably just make it extra clear what has happened, especially at the end.

Did she use the spray? I wasn't sure, since chris doesn't seem to have been affected. If so I doubt chris would be standing there with the balloons.

If she didn't then perhaps we could see her hold up what she thinks is a canister only to be something else. Deodorant etc Kind of reminds me of the moment in Shutter island when di Caprico initially thinks he's shot the doctor, but we then see he hasn't. His mental illusion.

Mindy - she sounds all excited about her interview. I did wonder what that was going to be in a hotel room. If this is actually a meeting room, perhaps give it a name, say the apple suite, or indeed, something that foreshadows mental anguish ? Not sure what. The shadow suite?

However, why not make her up tight about her interview, rather than happy?  Also late, so she has to get going. We then see her as mentally vulnerable before getting in the lift and somewhat forced to do so. The more pressure, the more they break.

If she's badly affected I could picture her sweating, not looking at chris, and not engaging. So rather than she says have doesn't like clowns, perhaps the clown comes to that determination. Does she think she's the mother of a child at the party so engages in chat?

Anyway, just a few thoughts, but sound basis.

Cheers

Pia,

Comments rise and fall.  Always read while seated.

I really liked this.  Works because it plays to a common fear of clowns.  That she hallucinates while under pressure works for me, although since her presentation wasn't till later, I don't see why she had to get on the elevator with the clown in the first place.  If you add a time element that takes away that choice, it makes the confrontation unavoidable.  Also, perhaps a reason for the elevator to get suck?  A men working sign perhaps?  cover the bases.

In my experience, hotel staff refrain from saying room numbers out loud for security purposes.  They simply hand over the key which is numbered or put it in some sort of sleeve that's numbered.  But that's a nit.  

It seems as if Mindy and rosy know each other.  Would it work better if they didn't?  If Mindy had to ask where the ballroom was?  If the seminar was on time?  

A scrub of dialogue might help.

"you have a kid party to go to?' is awkward.  A simple 'kid party?' works.

'seven years olds.  Magic and balloons'

The rest goes pretty well.  We have Mindy mishearing and mis-seeing.  The pepper spray is a bit confusing.  Real?  If so, it works for me.  If hallucination, not so much.  But that's me.

Best
Richard

Bill and Richard, thanks for reading and your suggestions. Dena will read them and since this is her project, she'll decide which ones will work best for her. I'm just the lowly writer here.  

My intention was to make Mindy all confident and excited about her presentation later that. She's riding high. Nothing can go wrong, until she rounds that corner and sees the clown. Then everything changes.

She decides to get into the elevator with the clown, despite her fear of them because the clown is female and is made to look friendly. What could possibly go wrong?

Did she spray the clown or not? The audience is supposed to be left wondering. That's why I added the tears painted on the clown's face.

Mindy and Rose are not supposed to know each other. Maybe I just pictured Rose as the hotel receptionists I'm used to in the South. Very friendly. And also, they also always tell me my room number. Maybe they think I'm a bit thick and can't figure it out otherwise.  

Thanks again, guys! We'll see what Miss Dena thinks.  

Why the hell wasn't this in the OWC? Would've scored a few points from me, for whatever that's worth.  I thought this was funny, and it's amazing what some people can do in five pages.

The morphing of the clown was cool, along with Mindy hearing different things to what were being said.

I think you write really well for a Swede(?), I understand English ain't your first language aye?

This would be great to film, with some sinister visual effects.  Might be worth trying to find out about that, real talk yo.

Thumbs up!

Quoted from Max Why the hell wasn't this in the OWC? Would've scored a few points from me, for whatever that's worth.  I thought this was funny, and it's amazing what some people can do in five pages.

Dena asked my to write an elevator script with a clown yesterday morning, that's why. Sometimes things just work out better when not trying to think too hard.  

Thanks for checking it out. I'm glad you liked it.

Great notes guys. It's close to perfect in my eyes...but some good suggestions here as always! Plan on filming this series in the fall this year. Really excited.

And Pia you are the closest to pro we know in here you will never be a lowly writer! You are a great writer!  

Maybe you two should do another collab.

Nice, Pia.

Just make sure, you point us in the right direction when it leaves the cutting room floor. I always enjoy script to screen.

BLB

Pia, this was fun to read with a lot of potentially great and gruesome looking character morph visuals. Clowns are always good value - make-up will be terrific too - nice clown v evil clown.

I too was a little perplexed whether what she did with the pepper spray actually occurred or not, but you've answered that, and I like the addition of the 'tears' at the end.

Just one point when I was reading: 'kid party' that should surely be 'kid's party' - sounded odd imh.

Look forward to seeing what you come up with Pia & Dena and what other stories will be included in the anthology!

Great little piece. Would love to see this filmed.

Gl

Tony

Nice work Pia. Not sure why the change from a female to male though. Was there some significance there I missed? Couldn't it just be a friendly looking guy to begin with?

Pia: Please keep in mind that I am very much a minority view on this one as others obviously quite liked it. That being said, I think it needs some work.

The Opening: Mindy is going to do a presentation - and that's the last we hear of it. If you are going to include that fact, I would make it relevant. e.g., in the elevator the Clown could ask her what's she doing - she could say she is doing a presentation - on "overcoming fears" - or - "not judging a book by it's cover" or "The Problems With First Impressions" - something that would create an irony with the events that are going to ultimately unfold in the elevator.  

Quoted Text Your room is number four twelve.

A nit - I think it would read better as: "Your room number is four twelve."  

Quoted Text Mindy heads towards the elevators. Big smile on her face. She rounds the corner to the elevator bay. She stops in her tracks. Her smile fades. Waiting for an elevator is CHRIS...THE CLOWN. A female clown with a friendly face. She’s not as creepy looking as some clowns. She holds some balloons in one hand. Mindy stares at the clown, hesitates, then approaches. Chris smiles at Mindy. Nice white teeth framed by a friendly mouth. Mindy smiles back.

Not sure why she stop in her tracks and would stop smiling at a clown with a friendly face. I the think at best the face needs to be ambivalent or even unfriendly looking at first and then friendly once she smiles at Mindy.

Quoted Text CHRIS Yeah, that’s why I go out of my way to be a friendly clown. Not some creep that scares the shit out of kids. They both laugh.

I didn't find the line funny so the - they both laugh - was a hiccup for me.  

All of the misinterpretations didn't work for me. Specifically:

You have nice tits = I said, we’re gonna have to rely on our wits.

You want to fuck? = I guess we’re stuck.

I have a desire to kill = Maybe it’s a fire drill?

In all of the above cases, other than the last word rhyming, the sentences were not near close enough to cause a believable misinterpretation or mis-hearing on Midny's part. Not sure how to make the point, but I just can't imagine that someone is going to believe that when they thought they heard - you have nice tits - they are ever going to buy what the person really said was  - we're going to have to rely upon our wits, etc.

Quoted Text MINDY I wish the doors would just open. I don’t mind taking the stares.

I think you mean "stairs."

Quoted Text CHRIS What’s the matter Mindy?

Comma needed after "matter".

Quoted Text MINDY How...how do you...know my name?

A missed opportunity here, IMO. How does he know her name? Have him answer (e.g., Do you remember your 10th birthday party? - or, I was in your last nightmare, etc.).

The ending left me in kind of a WTF position. So - the Clown is going to assault her - she aims the pepper spray right at him. So, he has to be dumb enough to stand there and get sprayed in the face after she warned him. And then - other than the tear on his face I guess, there is no evidence of the spray once the elevator opens to the family.

I think it would work much better if you got rid of the spray altogether. i.e., have the Clown advance towards her - maybe she fumbles through her purse looking for something to ward him off - he runs his hands down her blouse and the elevator restarts and she shoves him away - te doors open......

Hope these help - like I said up top - it could be that I just have the wrong view on this.

Hey, Pia. funny stuff - I liked it a lot.

I think we could see she has that phobia from the very beginning, no? Your call, but that's what I'm thinking.

BLB, Dena will make this anthology. I'm sure she will let everyone know when it's ready to view.  

Libby, thanks for your input as always. As far as the kid vs kid's go...I wrote it how I talk. What can I say?  

Tony, patience. These things take time, but I'm sure Dena will make it as good as can be.

Dustin, My thinking here about the female to male morphing is that Mindy suffers from a fear of clowns. She sees this clown, but by it being a female one, she decides it's not as threatening as a male one. She decides to not listen to her inner alarm bell and enter the elevator with this seemingly nice harmless clown. IMHO, if the clown had been male from the get go, she would probably have decided not to enter the elevator with the clown.

Eldave, sorry you didn't like it. Not everyone likes my stuff. I read somewhere you like rom-coms and comedies. Those are my least favorite genres, so you and I will probably never agree on scripts we like.

As far as this script goes, I think you tried to over think some of it. I do agree that it would be good to have Mindy being there to give a speach on overcoming fear or something. Good irony. However, I have no idea where Dena is planning to film this. It could be in an apartment building or a hospital Who knows. In either case, that whole beginning part would be changed.

The nit-pik dialogue is an easy fix. Thanks!

The rest...I feel as if you just misunderstood the whole intention of the script and Mindy's actions. It's all okay though and I appreciate your input. Got a few things I will change based on it.  

Khamanna, you got it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

Quoted from Grandma Bear Eldave, sorry you didn't like it. Not everyone likes my stuff. I read somewhere you like rom-coms and comedies. Those are my least favorite genres, so you and I will probably never agree on scripts we like. As far as this script goes, I think you tried to over think some of it. I do agree that it would be good to have Mindy being there to give a speach on overcoming fear or something. Good irony. However, I have no idea where Dena is planning to film this. It could be in an apartment building or a hospital Who knows. In either case, that whole beginning part would be changed. The nit-pik dialogue is an easy fix. Thanks! The rest...I feel as if you just misunderstood the whole intention of the script and Mindy's actions. It's all okay though and I appreciate your input. Got a few things I will change based on it.

I'm happy if any part helped - good luck with this.

Pia,

Good source of conflict for a short -- being in closed confines with your worst fear.
  
I’d echo others regarding the pepper spray attack on ‘Evil Clown’.  The line between fantasy and reality is a little too blurry.  I’d have to assume she didn’t use the pepper spray as it’d mess both of them up -- way beyond tears.  I like Bill’s idea of making it a more innocent item -- that or perhaps a rape whistle (Mindy frantically blowing it as the door opens) might lend itself a comic touch.

That said I did like the final image of poor Chris holding the limp balloon and a hint of her inner sadness at this unprovoked outburst.  We get a sense it's not the first time.  Tears of the clown...

I’d think about losing this line:

‘No Mindy. Not yet. I’m going to eat you first.’

And just keeping the last part of the dialogue -- ‘Can you guess...etc’ -- IMO it carries more weight alone.

All the best.

Steve.

Thanks for checking this one out.

I think the blurry line between reality and fantasy was supposed to be blurry. Leaving you wondering if it really happened or not. What if Mindy hallucinated spraying the clown? I don't think anyone has considered that yet.  

The part of calling her by name is meant to be creepy. Like, how does he know my name and the eat you part is kind of a childhood fear. The fear of being eaten by a monster.

That was my thinking at least. Can't wait to see what Dena does with this.

Pia

“Mindy stares at the clown, hesitates, then approaches.”

- Given Mandy's fear why would she get in the elevator with Chris in the first place? Wouldn’t she take the stairs, double back and wait around the corner or something?

Why not have Mindy in the elevator first and Chris gets on at the second floor. That way she has less of an opportunity to avoid the situation.

MINDY
You have a kid party to do?

- Missing "'s" after "kid"

MINDY
When I was a kid I hated clowns. I
was terrified of them.

- Ah, I see, she used to have a fear but not anymore, that explains why she didn't mind so much taking the elevator. Still, I think it could provide some laughs if Mindy was in the elevator first and Chris enters after. That initial jolt of shock, maybe Mindy tries to walk around her to escape but can’t because of the elevator’s restricted space.  Anyway, it’s something to consider.

I loved the switch halfway through when the elevator stops, the tone darkens with the lights and paranoia sets in.

CHRIS
I said, we’re gonna have to rely on
our wits.

- This seems like an odd thing to say. Better than “You’ve got nice tits” sure but still, it doesn’t sound natural.

MINDY
I wish the doors would just open. I
don’t mind taking the stares.

- “Stares” should be “stairs”

I got some laughs too out of some of Mindy's misinterpretations. A few cool visuals also with Chris’s changing demeanour and make-up, genuinely creepy stuff.

However, I didn't get the ending. I knew it was all going to be part of Mindy's fevered imagination and Chris would return to normal but I didn't understand the significance of the close up, the meaning of the small tears and sad smile.

I mean, doesn't pepper spray do far more damage than just a few tears? Thankfully I don't have any personal experience (just swinging handbags and “I’ll call the cops” threats) but doesn’t one’s eyes become red and swollen and you’re rubbing them for a long time after in serious pain?

Chris, on the other hand, seems to have recovered in record time...except the sad smile and small tears.

So now I'm thinking Mindy never sprayed her at all. That it was also part of her exaggerated perceptions and hallucinations and Chris's tears are a result of Mindy's less than friendly attitude towards her and the art of clowns in general.

Or perhaps I'm way off altogether.

Oh and I really wanted to know what part of Mindy the (evil) Chris was going to eat first? You left us hanging on that one

Col

Oh lordy! Can't believe I missed a review! And yours on top of that! You always provide great feedback and have for years. A lot of us appreciate that, you know!

I must owe you a few by now. I'll get on it tomorrow. I'm just gonna plant a few plants in the morning, then it's work for the rest of the day.

Quoted from Colkurtz8 “Mindy stares at the clown, hesitates, then approaches.” - Given Mandy's fear why would she get in the elevator with Chris in the first place? Wouldn’t she take the stairs, double back and wait around the corner or something? Why not have Mindy in the elevator first and Chris gets on at the second floor. That way she has less of an opportunity to avoid the situation.

Someone earlier mentioned that Mindy could be there doing a speech on how to over come fears and phobias. I think that's a great idea and I will use that.

In my mind, Mindy does have a fear of clowns, but the clown is a female and VERY friendly looking so she decides to confront her phobia and go with the clown. She does hesitate though, which shows she does have some issue, before we the audience even know what that issue might be.

Quoted from Colkurtz8 MINDY You have a kid party to do? - Missing "'s" after "kid"

I know. Libby pointed that out too...that's how I speak though.   I'll try to remember this.

Quoted from Colkurtz8 MINDY When I was a kid I hated clowns. I was terrified of them. - Ah, I see, she used to have a fear but not anymore, that explains why she didn't mind so much taking the elevator. Still, I think it could provide some laughs if Mindy was in the elevator first and Chris enters after. That initial jolt of shock, maybe Mindy tries to walk around her to escape but can’t because of the elevator’s restricted space.  Anyway, it’s something to consider.

I agree. I like that idea.

Quoted from Colkurtz8 I loved the switch halfway through when the elevator stops, the tone darkens with the lights and paranoia sets in. CHRIS I said, we’re gonna have to rely on our wits. - This seems like an odd thing to say. Better than “You’ve got nice tits” sure but still, it doesn’t sound natural.

I agree, totally. Dena is a poet. Maybe she can come up with something better. I knew it wasn't great when I wrote it.

Quoted from Colkurtz8 MINDY I wish the doors would just open. I don’t mind taking the stares. - “Stares” should be “stairs”

One of those things I know for sure, but somehow missed.

Quoted from Colkurtz8 I got some laughs too out of some of Mindy's misinterpretations. A few cool visuals also with Chris’s changing demeanour and make-up, genuinely creepy stuff. However, I didn't get the ending. I knew it was all going to be part of Mindy's fevered imagination and Chris would return to normal but I didn't understand the significance of the close up, the meaning of the small tears and sad smile. I mean, doesn't pepper spray do far more damage than just a few tears? Thankfully I don't have any personal experience (just swinging handbags and “I’ll call the cops” threats) but doesn’t one’s eyes become red and swollen and you’re rubbing them for a long time after in serious pain? Chris, on the other hand, seems to have recovered in record time...except the sad smile and small tears. So now I'm thinking Mindy never sprayed her at all. That it was also part of her exaggerated perceptions and hallucinations and Chris's tears are a result of Mindy's less than friendly attitude towards her and the art of clowns in general. Or perhaps I'm way off altogether.

No, you're not off. Others had the same problem. My intention was to leave people wondering, was it real or not? No clear answer. Whatever your mind prefers could be the right one.  

Quoted from Colkurtz8 Oh and I really wanted to know what part of Mindy the (evil) Chris was going to eat first? You left us hanging on that one Col

Well, I left that one open to personal interpretation as well, but I think anyone who knows me and is familiar with my stuff, know exactly what I had in mind.  

Thanks again for reading and sorry, I missed your comments.  

Pia

I too was a bit late to see your response here so we’re even

Quoted from Grandma Bear Someone earlier mentioned that Mindy could be there doing a speech on how to over come fears and phobias. I think that's a great idea and I will use that.

Mmm, yeah, that might be a bit heavy handed though, a little too writ large. Although, for a short humorous sketch, which this script essentially is, it could work well and add to the absurdity of it all.

Quoted from Grandma Bear In my mind, Mindy does have a fear of clowns, but the clown is a female and VERY friendly looking so she decides to confront her phobia and go with the clown. She does hesitate though, which shows she does have some issue, before we the audience even know what that issue might be.

That’s fair enough. As I said further down, upon her admission that the phobia is something she used to suffer from, it made more sense for the scene to be structured the way it is.

Quoted from Grandma Bear No, you're not off. Others had the same problem. My intention was to leave people wondering, was it real or not? No clear answer. Whatever your mind prefers could be the right one.

Ok, I’m not sure if that works for me now that you’ve shed light on it. Having said that, I’m still inclined to go with the “it’s all part of her imagination” interpretation and Chris was just upset because of Mindy unfriendly attitude towards her. Clowns have feeling too, you know

Quoted from Grandma Bear Well, I left that one open to personal interpretation as well, but I think anyone who knows me and is familiar with my stuff, know exactly what I had in mind.

Now I am intrigued, I’ve narrowed it down to an appendage of some sort...

Col.

Hey Pia

SPOILERS!

Got to read this a few weeks ago.

How about having Mindy forced to face her fear? How about making that the day she has the meeting and that's the only elevator to reach that floor ?

I think what's causing "did this actually happen?" syndrome is the description. When this gets shot, we will see how the clown makeup is put on and that will determine if it did or did not happen. I mean, you're the writer, so you can leave it as is. But at some point there needs to be choice lol.

Other than that, I liked it. I found the ending funny when Mindy runs out.

Hope this helps,
Gabe

Quoted from Colkurtz8 Now I am intrigued, I’ve narrowed it down to an appendage of some sort...

I'll leave it up to personal interpretation. My lips are sealed.  

Gabe,

thanks for reading! I appreciate it.

You are right about being forced to face the fear. That's why I have decided to follow suggestions here and have Mindy already in the elevator when the clown arrives at the last second and forces her way inside.

Haven't seen you around much lately. Hope you've been busy with good stuff.

Thanks again.  

Well, well

I never get tired of evil clowns, so this one was right up my alley. I liked that this clown was a woman instead of the usual guy and that she didn’t seem creepy at first. The creep factor slowly built up instead.

A couple of suggestions:

There’s a certain rhyme between the threats and their clarifications (like “kill” and “drill”), but still the sentences as a whole seem too different to be mistaken. Maybe you could have Mindy a bit distracted with her phone or something so her confusion is more believable?

Mindy first threatens Chris with the pepper spray before actually spraying her. So it’s a tad unnatural when Chris reacts in shock and calls her a bitch; she knew the pepper spray was coming (or should have known). Easy fix though, maybe Mindy could pepper spray Chris without any warning, so her surprised cries of pain seem more natural?

Typos:

P.2 “SHE’S LOOKS SO FRIENDLY”.
P.3 “THE STARES”

Mr. Z!!!! Long time no z!

Thanks for the read. I dashed this one off when Dena asked me to write something for her elevator anthology. She also asked for a mime or a clown and this was my take.

Quoted from Mr.Z I never get tired of evil clowns, so this one was right up my alley. I liked that this clown was a woman instead of the usual guy and that she didn’t seem creepy at first. The creep factor slowly built up instead.

That was my intention.

Quoted from Mr.Z There’s a certain rhyme between the threats and their clarifications (like “kill” and “drill”), but still the sentences as a whole seem too different to be mistaken. Maybe you could have Mindy a bit distracted with her phone or something so her confusion is more believable?

I agree. Dena is supposed to film this one. If she does, I'm sure some of those lines will be changed. She's the poet, so I'm sure she can come up with better stuff.

Quoted from Mr.Z Mindy first threatens Chris with the pepper spray before actually spraying her. So it’s a tad unnatural when Chris reacts in shock and calls her a bitch; she knew the pepper spray was coming (or should have known). Easy fix though, maybe Mindy could pepper spray Chris without any warning, so her surprised cries of pain seem more natural?

Worth considering.

Quoted from Mr.Z Typos: P.2 “SHE’S LOOKS SO FRIENDLY”. P.3 “THE STARES”

Yes...this is a first draft.  

Thanks again for reading. Stick around. Don't be a stranger. There's definitely room for someone like you here.  

You're welcome, and sure I will. Best of luck with the shoot.

Hey there Pia, just took a look at this and not read the other comments yet so sorry if I repeat stuff.

The title drew me in, I had to look up Colourophia. According to Google this phobia has only sprung up in the last few decades and a lot of people (myself included) believe Stephen King’s IT has a lot to do with it! That book scared the large comedy pants off me as a youngster and the TV adaptation was really good as well.

Anyway I digress, as usual. Notes as I read through…

If Mindy has a phobia of clowns she shows little sign of it. There’s no need for her to get in the lift with the object of her fears, even if the clown does look friendly.

Kids party instead of kid.

Mindy says she ‘was’ terrified of clowns as a kid. So she doesn’t have Coulrophobia?

Nice and creepy being stuck in the lift with the clown’s face starts to change but the misheard dialogue doesn’t work at all for me. A light word here and there would be believable but what Chris says first is obvious and clear. The same trick is repeated over and over.

Stairs instead of stares.

Chris is becoming Pennywise the Clown. While this is nice and creepy it just seems like something from IT but not quite as eloquent.  

So it was all a dream or a hallucination? The tears on the clown’s face suggest something more sinister/supernatural was at play but it doesn’t really make any sense. If Mindy had emptied a full can of pepper spray, Chris would be on the floor puking up.

Not really my cup of tea this but it was an easy read and would be straightforward to produce with your friend. Stuck in a lift with a creepy clown is a great idea, I just think it needs bit more of an original spin and a twist you don’t see coming to give it the full impact such an tale deserves.

Best of luck with it.

-Mark

I have to disagree on the kid party thing. People keep saying that there's something wrong with it when there isn't. Plenty of people say 'kid party', or even 'kiddy party'.

Been meaning to check this one out for a while.

Glad I got around to it.  It's fairly sick haha.

I love the decision to make Chris a woman, and wonder why you felt it necessary to change the gender later.

I thought the vibe you had going with the female clown was very distrubing -- and not only did the change in gender scale the story back into something more conventional and less interesting -- it did not even make any sense.

I would recommend that you abandon that angle and simply ramp up the menace with your original "Chris".

Happy to give this one another look -- and a bit more thought -- if you guys decide to actually move forward with filming.  Just let me know.  

Hey bert, thanks for reading.

This is a first draft, but I thought it was okay enough to post.

Last I heard from Dena, this one is still on. As far as the female clown changing to male goes, I'm surprised you didn't get that. Mindy is a woman who fears clowns. She sees the female friendly clown and decides it might not be that bad. Get over it. Just get in the elevator. What's the worst that can happen? The clown turns into a male because this is her hallucinations or whatever and to most women, not me, mind you, males are a little bit more intimidating/scary than women, so that's why Chris turns into a male clown. I had Twisty in mind there.   If Mindy was a male, I would probably have kept the clown female all the way through and done some horrible things to the poor male Mindy with the female clown...  

Thanks again. I'll keep you posted on the progress.  

Thanks Don! No idea why the images don't show on my computer when I try to post an image...

This one was rewritten and shot this past weekend. An elevator prop was built even! I guess we now have to shoot a few more elevator scripts.  

This is a picture from first day of editing.  

Very cool - look forward to seeing it

Ah, Pia. You and your clowns. You and Dena need to keep up the awesome work. =)

Thanks Sean!

Dena and I actually work VERY well together and we only live like two hours apart. I'm really really happy we connected.  

Both films should be ready by this weekend or so.

So, it's been posted in 2015. Don't remember a clown short from you. I'll read it before you post the film, it's funner this way. Good luck with editing!

Looking forward to seeing it!

Read it! It would be fun to watch. Can't wait...

This is the script we shot. https://www.dropbox.com/s/372brwomhhc141a/Coulrophobia_film.pdf?dl=0

It's shorter than the original, but nothing vital is missing.

It was really intense at the end. We had a GREAT actor play the evil clown.  

And yes, I forgot to add a cover page.  

Quoted from Don

Looks like a nice shot. Who's the cinematographer?

Quoted from DustinBowcot Looks like a nice shot. Who's the cinematographer?

His name is Bernardo Santana. He's really great at making things look awesome. Something that I think has become more important these days. IMHO, when the cameras started to come down in prices and technology evolved, anyone, including me, could buy a camera and make their own films. Fast forward 10+ years and now the technology is such that it's no longer enough with just okay looking films. I think television shows have helped in this too. Films have to look amazing or people will often dismiss it as amateur immediately even if the story is good. In other words, I gave up a few years ago on filming stuff myself. A camera that was hot shit one year was obsolete a couple of years later. There was just no way that I could keep up with the tech side of things. The two films we shot last weekend were both filmed in 4k. That's why I use professionals when making films. If you have friends that can do it and do it for free, great, but if not, you're better off hiring a pro, IMHO.

Yeah, I've come to appreciate that the script is merely the start of something great. Everybody else needs to be great too. The DP, the Director, the actors, sound, the editor.... even art department, costumes, set design... so many talents required to make one great film. if just one of those aspects is weak then the whole thing can fail.

Good luck, Pia... and Dena.

Thanks!

I agree 100%. We were lucky enough to have a great DP, good actors, one of them really great. The male clown. We also had a make-up artist who's amazing, but so bored doing weddings and prom type events. She was really excited to do evil clowns.

To me, one of the easiest things to overlook when filming is the quality of the sound. Sound is something most people don't think about until they hear bad quality. Then it can ruin the whole film.


This is from the second film.

Creepy Clowns

Yeah, it's amazing how many potential ultra low budget efforts have been ruined by bad sound. I'm speaking from experience.

This is Dena's and my short film. It's very short, but pretty good...we think.  

Really good, Pia. The lighting was fantastic.

Yeah, some fine work, big congrats to both of you.
Happy it turned out quality.

Good stuff, Pia. Picked a good time for creepy clown shorts with It putting them back in style.

Quality little short.

Congrats Pia and Dena.

Great short, you two!  I really liked it and you know coming from me, that says alot about the quality.

Keep it up!

Congrats ...

This is some great stuff... as short as it may be.

_ghostie

Very nicely done. I see a couple of lovely cameos at the end too.  

Can I just say as a nitpick I wished the morphing into evil clown's makeup was a bit more sinister.  

How the heck... Did you shoot in a real elevator?

Looking forward to seeing your next one, gals.

Ooh, just noticed the still from the coming attraction. That looks really creepy. In a really good way.

Thanks guys and gals!

That is not a real elevator. It's a prop we had built. It was a total pain in the ass to move though as that one back panel was 8'x8'. We had to rent a Penske truck twice to move it! Now it's safely stored in Dena's garage. I don't even want to think about moving it again for awhile, lol.

So, the elevator is fake and we actually shot this in our DP's living room! Very tight quarters during the shoot, to say the least.

We shot both films over the weekend two weeks ago. We met up in Jax on Friday and discussed things, had a few drinks and installed the elevator. Saturday and Sunday were full days starting at 9am and lasted into 2:30am.

Hopefully, the second film will be ready before next weekend. That one is called Wanna Play? It's not posted at SS. We just wrote that one a couple of months ago. It came about as these creepy clown sightings around the world had started to show up again. We also have a feature script to go with it. Who knows, maybe someone will be interested in buying it. In other words, Wanna Play?, the short is a stand alone short, but also a sort of teaser for the feature. We will see what happens.

Thanks again.  

Love that soundtrack.

Quoted from Pale Yellow Great job on this Pia. I can't wait to do this little creepy piece!

LOL at my comment and WE DID FILM IT!! Two years later turned out really good I think Pia. I have learned so much working with Pia. I've learned so much from all of you in here. I hope I will always continue to learn and grow because I love writing and I love film. Feeling Thankful.

Congrats on the film, Pia and Dena.

I guess I’m one of the few who doesn’t find clowns the slightest bit scary. People, on the other hand...

Everything looks great. Nice set. Love the cameos.

Good job. Best of luck with it.

I'm not afraid of clowns. Don't really like them either though. They're just part of the past IMO. People that worked at carnivals and circuses. Neither of which I like. In fact, I hate circuses.

We were aware of the IT film and wanted to tie into that.

As far as the film goes, we had the elevator prop built and then we started to think about a script, and I remembered I had a couple of elevator scripts! We rewrote Coulrophobia to fit our needs and here we are.