Typing in a more involved review on my laptop.

I don't have the difficulty with the pronoun that others seem to have. That the character thinks that "Today I am a girl." is fine. There is a misconception that scripts can only have what is seen and heard. In part, a script, especially one like this that will be an indie short, can have cues to the director and actors. I've talked to actors. They don't mind some indication on what the character is feeling when it might no be clear. One actor might portray "Wait, what?" differently than another. Just don't over do it. Telling that "Today I am a girl." is much better than a full paragraph of "show." Show can be over done. Even books on writing tent to warn against using show all the time.

It is very possible, perhaps even likely, that gender identity issues begin in childhood. Therapists have known this much longer than the general public which still resists the notion. That makes this short rather fitting for our times.

A agree that this might not be filmed as written in America. But other cultures, which are less sexually polarized could have fewer issues.

The writing does need cleaned up a bit in places.

You've missed my point on genderless pronouns, Henry.

For me the whole crux of this story rests on the fact that the protag doesn't actually associate with one sex or the other, hence wanting to be separate from both of them. If the protag identifies as a girl then surely her sole aim would be to get to use the ladies toilets.

I think there's a far larger story with the asexual angle. Also a story rarely told as people automatically assume a person wants to be one or the other, when that isn't always the case.

I just don't see the logic with the toilet working otherwise. Not sure why you went on about show and not tell after that, perhaps it was unrelated, but perhaps consider starting new paragraphs to avoid confusion.

Genderless pronouns in English tend to sound awkwark. And my comments were not an attack on anyone.

Quoted from HenryTj Genderless pronouns in English tend to sound awkwark. And my comments were not an attack on anyone.

Who said your comments were an attack on anyone? You went on about the pronouns as though I had suggested the usage of she was wrong when she was in fact a boy. I merely corrected that.

I believe the only reason genderless pronouns sound awkward in English is because they are little used. I've used them in two features that I've written so far and they don't sound awkward at all once you get used to them.

Hi Kyle,

Some funny moments in here, specially with the parents, haha. Despite some comedic touches, you tackle a serious issue and the piece has a nice message. A few comments:

Because the protagonist's interaction with the teacher in class I got the impression that her being a transexual was a pretty well-known thing in school. So later on, when Poop boy freaks out it threw me off a bit because I thought he already knew or must have known. Maybe you can make him the new guy at school?

The scene with LONER GIRL seemed like a set-up without a pay off, since she never shows up again. Was the purpose of the scene to show that peeing outside was not an option because someone may see him/her? I don't think we need that scene (unless it serves another purpose I missed). The main conflict and its resolution still works without it.

Best of luck with this.

You're totally right. The Loner Girl scene is shit. I've been constantly rewriting it. The point is Jamie is going to desperate lengths to get away from people. Loner Girl represents what will happen to her if she just runs away and hides. Jamie doesn't want that. She doesn't want to be someone who hides because it's easier. Kind of a glimpse of the "lowest point." I am thinking of removing the scene as you say, and because she appears so late, I didn't want to shoehorn Loner Girl at the end either.

And good catch with the Teacher. She calls her James, meaning it's probably still a newish thing, and Poop Boy is a year older, so maybe they never ran into each other. Maybe I'm being too defensive. I'll work it out.

Thanks a bunch.