SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is April 25th, 2024, 1:14pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  A Dangerous Obsession Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 12 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    A Dangerous Obsession  (currently 1465 views)
Don
Posted: August 16th, 2015, 10:18am Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16434
Posts Per Day
1.94
A Dangerous Obsession by Itai Marango - Short, Drama, Thriller - A young sucessful businessman bumbs into a past that completely turns everything upside down. 21 pages - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
RichardR
Posted: August 18th, 2015, 8:48am Report to Moderator
Been Around


Posts
889
Posts Per Day
0.26
Itai,

I have to admit I didn't get very far in this one because the writing isn't good enough.  Below, I marked up your opening paragraph.  

EXT ZAMBEZI LODGES GARDEN; LUNCHTIME                     1
a(A) very meticulously manicured green lawn. camera whip(s)
through the beautiful(,) serene gardens, all types of
beautiful flowers array their exquisite summer
beauty. (E) even though the place is full of people taking (a)
break from there (their) day work, its relaxingly quite (quiet) except for
the beautiful sounds of birds singing in the trees.

Those are just mistakes, not awkward English.

And it doesn't get any better.

I doubt you'll find many writers willing to read your work in its present state.  I recommend you find a mentor who can help with your English.  Also, read all the scripts you can, especially those from good writers.

Best
Richard
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 5
Erica
Posted: August 18th, 2015, 1:27pm Report to Moderator
New



Posts
49
Posts Per Day
0.02
I have to agree with Richard.  This is a very difficult script to read.  I didn't get past the first page because of way too many mistakes.  Remember your writing a script, not texting your friends.  Please use capitals at the beginning of each sentence.  


Logged
Private Message Reply: 2 - 5
Itai
Posted: August 20th, 2015, 7:06am Report to Moderator
New


Location
capetown, south africa
Posts
2
Posts Per Day
0.00
thank you Richard and Erica. this is my first ever attempt at scriptwriting. I have no training at all.  I your opinion do you think im wasting my time or what.
once again thank you.
itai
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 5
Erica
Posted: August 22nd, 2015, 10:39am Report to Moderator
New



Posts
49
Posts Per Day
0.02
I would say it's never a waste of time if you enjoy writing.  If this is your first then congrats on finishing.  Finishing a first script is always the hardest part.

Look at other Produced scripts to get a sense of how the format is.

Also take a look here;
http://www.screenwriting.info/

There are many other sites too that can help with formatting.  While formatting is important it's certainly not the be all end all.  A good story is important.

Now looking at some of the dialogue.


Quoted Text
ROMEO
(excited)
yes my friend i enjoyed my meal
and that is my proof that the
meal was as usual top class.


This comes across as awkward.  Try reading your dialogue out loud to see how it sounds.  Ask yourself, is this how someone would talk?

Take the time and go through your script and check for mistakes.   If you can have someone you know look it over for mistakes before submitting it.  Your script is your business card, you wouldn't hand a client a card that has coffee stains and bubblegum dripping off it would you?

I recommend going over the script again and see what you could do with it.  Never give up on the first try.  So to answer your question, No you are not wasting your time.



Logged
Private Message Reply: 4 - 5
Itai
Posted: August 23rd, 2015, 2:32am Report to Moderator
New


Location
capetown, south africa
Posts
2
Posts Per Day
0.00
thanx Erica  
I am currently improving it. The first time I was a little too excited that I overlooked a lot of stuff.
thanx and stay blessed
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 5 - 5
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006