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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Rage Quit Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: October 17th, 2015, 9:21am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Rage Quit by Brandon Saunders - Short - An online gamer reaches boiling point when he is antagonised by fellow gamers. 13 pages - pdf, format


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-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  November 20th, 2015, 6:22pm
revised draft
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Logan McDonald
Posted: October 18th, 2015, 6:51pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Brandon,
I would say something bad about this but i'm afraid you'll come after me with a big black dildo! We've all seen videos of rage gamers on the internet and they are pretty funny but it got a little too real at the end. it would have been funny if he just brought the dildo instead of putting one between some poor saps eyes. Also why does Marvin say "frickin" when  he already says fuck a couple times? it would have been more believable if he was more explicit. Besides that you captured the rage gaming experience to a pretty good tee. I had Roommates that were just like the trolling gamers, cones and all!


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BSaunders
Posted: October 18th, 2015, 9:14pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Logan McDonald
Hey Brandon,
I would say something bad about this but i'm afraid you'll come after me with a big black dildo! We've all seen videos of rage gamers on the internet and they are pretty funny but it got a little too real at the end. it would have been funny if he just brought the dildo instead of putting one between some poor saps eyes. Also why does Marvin say "frickin" when  he already says fuck a couple times? it would have been more believable if he was more explicit. Besides that you captured the rage gaming experience to a pretty good tee. I had Roommates that were just like the trolling gamers, cones and all!


Cheers mate. I originally had 'fuck' instead of 'frick' but changed it at the end. I must of missed a few haha. I'll ctrl f the Frick out of it.

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RichardR
Posted: October 23rd, 2015, 11:24am Report to Moderator
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Brandon,

Can you really track comments?

Why start with MALE VOICE, when it's MARVIN.  You can still use his VO even if he's not yet introduced.
Marvin is a one trick pony.  He yells about being betrayed, but that's not graphic or specific enough.  How about some real time comments--'DEVIL DOG, YOU GOT THE ZOMBIE ON THE RIGHT.  RIGHT, YOU IDIOT!'  Simply having him yell the same thing over and over is boring.

Then, we have Marvin go off the deep end and result to a gun.  Hmmm, wouldn't it be more clever if he devised a way to destroy the other guys in the game?  Jumping to reality seems a bit over the top, but then, I'm no gamer.  I don't know just how devoted these people are.  And if Marvin is that devoted, why not show us that?  His bedroom is a tribute to CALL OF DUTY, or some other game.  He dresses the role.  He is MASTER SARGENT RIP FURY.  You have a viable idea if you push it to the limit.  Give Marvin the background he needs to jump from the virtual to the real world.  

And of course, if he should run into the stoners who aren't really stoners but worth adversaries????  OK, too much.  

Keep writing.

Best
Richard
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Equinox
Posted: October 23rd, 2015, 12:05pm Report to Moderator
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Marvin as a name should be limited to depressive robots, and should not be used for raging gamers...


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BSaunders
Posted: October 28th, 2015, 4:47am Report to Moderator
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Quoted Text
Can you really track comments?

I don't know what you mean by that?


Quoted Text
How about some real time comments--'DEVIL DOG, YOU GOT THE ZOMBIE ON THE RIGHT.  RIGHT, YOU IDIOT!'  Simply having him yell the same thing over and over is boring.

Good call, cheers man!


Quoted Text
Jumping to reality seems a bit over the top

Is it too over the top?


Quoted Text
His bedroom is a tribute to CALL OF DUTY, or some other game.  He dresses the role.  He is MASTER SARGENT RIP FURY.  You have a viable idea if you push it to the limit.  Give Marvin the background he needs to jump from the virtual to the real world.  

Noted!

Thanks for taking the time to read

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RichardR
Posted: October 28th, 2015, 8:48am Report to Moderator
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Can Marvin find the others on his team through their online game presence?  And what if they are around the world?

best
Richard
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BSaunders
Posted: October 28th, 2015, 2:39pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from RichardR
Can Marvin find the others on his team through their online game presence?  And what if they are around the world?

best
Richard


Usually when you play online, you are put in games with people that live near you for better connection.
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RichardR
Posted: October 29th, 2015, 5:46pm Report to Moderator
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Good to know. Thanks

Richard
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13thChamber
Posted: November 4th, 2015, 11:18pm Report to Moderator
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Nice read. The Marvin character's dialogue was kind of weird. The use of the word "Fricken" seemed to be over done at times, especially when he used other profanities. The ending was quite sinister...and ended on a very grim note. The ending took any sympathy I had for Marvin away as he legit lost his damn mind.

Nice read, nonetheless, oh...and nice reference to the simpsons with "one two three fake street". That part got a laugh from me. Keep it up.


13th
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BSaunders
Posted: November 21st, 2015, 5:09pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from 13thChamber
Nice read. The Marvin character's dialogue was kind of weird. The use of the word "Fricken" seemed to be over done at times, especially when he used other profanities. The ending was quite sinister...and ended on a very grim note. The ending took any sympathy I had for Marvin away as he legit lost his damn mind.

Nice read, nonetheless, oh...and nice reference to the simpsons with "one two three fake street". That part got a laugh from me. Keep it up.


Cheers mate.

There is an updated draft now!
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