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Wild Flowers by Anthony Cawood - Short, Drama - A couple are driven apart by the death of their daughter, until the murderer intervenes and nudges them back together. (Inspired by the OWC). - pdf, format
Pleasantly written with just enough subtlety. Not sure about the ending though, instead of remaining a small, contained story of your own, it suddenly becomes a Frankenstein spin-off or something. It could work beautifully as part of a whole Frankenstein movie, but on its own like this... I don't know.
Thanks for the comments Sandro - glad you mostly liked... the script was inspired by the recent OWC, so Frankenstein comes from that as a Universal Monster was part of the challenge...
Not to say it couldn't be re-written and made self contained, will have a think...
Hey Anthony, it reads nicely, but one thing really bothers me - how do we know the person who collects the daisies and puts them on the grave etc. is the child's murderer?
We know that the person who collects the daisies is the murderer because he's eventually revealed to be Frankenstein's Monster... and in the 1930s version of Frankenstein, the Monster throws the little girl, Maria, into a lake when they are playing, she drowns and he is clearly very upset by his actions...
That's why in this coda to that film he helps bring Maria's parents to some resolution of their grief, it's also why it is mainly in B&W
As I mentioned above, this was inspired by the recent One Week Challenge on the site, which was to feature a classic Universal monster... and it led to this as well as another script, Pond Life.
I completely forget about the little girl he offs in the movie, Anthony. Makes more sense now.
In fact, now that it has simmered around in my head a while I've likened more to it. Especially picturing the 1930's B&W mood and all.
It could play like an epilogue to the movie. Although, if memory serves, he's burned alive at the end. Then again, he is a sort of a zombie and when don't actually see him croak. So, if his clothes would appear charred in your story...
You're right he does burn in the windmill in the end, first version of my script had him returning to the ruins of the windmill, implying he'd escaped... but I changed it to the current ending... so love the idea of him being charred - will incorporate it into next version.
Like the atmosphere in this one. And the B&W. Thought it a nice touch, and ordinary visuals - like the kettle boiling - took on life as I was reading. I might show more, rather than tell, about the relationship between husband and wife. There's gotta be a way to get rid of the unfilmables with some cleverly placed actions of the two as they're in the bed, and in the final moments.
On the Frankenstein's monster deal - I seem to recall the original version had a scene that was cut out of the monster throwing a little girl into a lake or something. Is this what you're referring to here? Never actually seen the movie, but I do recall that.
Real quick, typo on the first page: She quitely weeps. Quietly.
I liked this. The B&W and transition to colour is very nicely done. I really liked the tone and for a script with no dialogue it was a quick and easy read. I enjoyed the ending too, although early on it was pretty obvious where it was going. I think that's more to do with us knowing it was inspired by the OWC so I was waiting for Frankie to show up.
With that in mind, may I ask why you chose Pond Life over this one for the OWC? Was it because you anticipated the abundance of Frankenstein's Monster scripts? In my opinion, this one feels far more fleshed out even with the lesser page count.
Hi Glenn and thanks for the read, appreciated as always... and glad you liked it...
Damn those typos... well spotted and ta.
Re Pond Life and this... my reasons were just based on the criteria, this is well under the page count and didn't think I should bloat it, but also because I think it plays mostly as drama rather than horror. But I do think this is stronger than PL, so great that the OWC inspired it.
Ah I see, it's nice and tight as it is and I agree, any longer and it could become bloated. On the issue of the tone though, I think you would've been ok. Many of the scripts had more of a drama feel about them.
Anyway, nice job. I'd love to see this filmed. Think it'd look really nice and would be easy enough to do.
Ah, a in between the scenes story. I like that. Simple, no dialogue, made me think of Murnau’s Sunrise. Bare bones but the story didn’t suffer. I liked it alot. Should have tried to sneak this one into the competition. I bet it would have done well!
First, good job. This is a nice little tale. For those not familiar with the original work, some of the references and visuals will not resonate. Something lost? I don't know. It works without the additional knowledge.
This is a personal, highly personal, view about tears on screen. My view is that if you want tears in the audience, you don't put them on the screen. The people in the seats should cry, not the character. To that end, you might work out some action that will demonstrate mom's depth of feeling. Favorite toys always work for me. She puts that little vampire doll on the grave, and you'll have the audience by the heart....yeah, a poor joke.
You do better with dad until he cries. You might simply double down on his anger. He keeps chopping even when he doesn't have to, turning a log into a pile of wood chips.
The bedroom scene is well done. The lack of dialogue works wonders. you might consider having him rise and leave. She soon hears the chopping of wood?
For me, the Frankenstein setup wasn't clear and didn't work all that well. I didn't get that he was the killer. I know big hands and feet, but had you added stitches to his wrists, I would have run with you.
Was Frankenstein literate? I'm not familiar with the story, so making him literate seems a stretch. Now, if he puts the daisies in the form of a little girl? That might frighten me more.
In any case, you've done a good job. Work on tugging the heart strings of your audience. it's sor of like life. If yoy cry, I don't have to.
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