SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is April 24th, 2024, 4:59pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Wild Flowers Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 10 Guests

 Pages: 1, 2 » : All
Recommend Print
  Author    Wild Flowers  (currently 3127 views)
Don
Posted: November 8th, 2015, 10:20am Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16431
Posts Per Day
1.94
Wild Flowers by Anthony Cawood - Short, Drama - A couple are driven apart by the death of their daughter, until the murderer intervenes and nudges them back together. (Inspired by the OWC).  - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  March 13th, 2017, 10:23am
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
Sandro
Posted: November 8th, 2015, 11:24am Report to Moderator
New



Posts
50
Posts Per Day
0.02
Spoilers ahead.

Pleasantly written with just enough subtlety. Not sure about the ending though, instead of remaining a small, contained story of your own, it suddenly becomes a Frankenstein spin-off or something. It could work beautifully as part of a whole Frankenstein movie, but on its own like this... I don't know.

Nonetheless, good job though.


Sandro
Logged
Private Message Reply: 1 - 21
AnthonyCawood
Posted: November 8th, 2015, 11:51am Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
UK
Posts
4323
Posts Per Day
1.13
Thanks for the comments Sandro - glad you mostly liked... the script was inspired by the recent OWC, so Frankenstein comes from that as a Universal Monster was part of the challenge...

Not to say it couldn't be re-written and made self contained, will have a think...

Anthony


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 2 - 21
Marcela
Posted: November 8th, 2015, 4:15pm Report to Moderator
New


Location
Nottingham, UK
Posts
153
Posts Per Day
0.05
Hey Anthony, it reads nicely, but one thing really bothers me - how do we know the person who collects the daisies and puts them on the grave etc. is the child's murderer?


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 21
AnthonyCawood
Posted: November 8th, 2015, 4:43pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
UK
Posts
4323
Posts Per Day
1.13
Hi Marcela and thanks for taking a read...

We know that the person who collects the daisies is the murderer because he's eventually revealed to be Frankenstein's Monster... and in the 1930s version of Frankenstein, the Monster throws the little girl, Maria, into a lake when they are playing, she drowns and he is clearly very upset by his actions...

That's why in this coda to that film he helps bring Maria's parents to some resolution of their grief, it's also why it is mainly in B&W

As I mentioned above, this was inspired by the recent One Week Challenge on the site, which was to feature a classic Universal monster... and it led to this as well as another script, Pond Life.

Anthony


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 4 - 21
Sandro
Posted: November 8th, 2015, 7:17pm Report to Moderator
New



Posts
50
Posts Per Day
0.02
I completely forget about the little girl he offs in the movie, Anthony. Makes more sense now.

In fact, now that it has simmered around in my head a while I've likened more to it. Especially picturing the 1930's B&W mood and all.

It could play like an epilogue to the movie. Although, if memory serves, he's burned alive at the end. Then again, he is a sort of a zombie and when don't actually see him croak. So, if his clothes would appear charred in your story...
Logged
Private Message Reply: 5 - 21
AnthonyCawood
Posted: November 8th, 2015, 7:31pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
UK
Posts
4323
Posts Per Day
1.13
Thanks Sandro, glad you like it more now

You're right he does burn in the windmill in the end, first version of my script had him returning to the ruins of the windmill, implying he'd escaped... but I changed it to the current ending... so love the idea of him being charred - will incorporate it into next version.

Many thanks

Anthony


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 6 - 21
Marcela
Posted: November 8th, 2015, 7:42pm Report to Moderator
New


Location
Nottingham, UK
Posts
153
Posts Per Day
0.05
Hey Anthony, okay, now I understand, sorry, I've never seen the film with Frankenstein, I probably now even spelled his name wrong.


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 7 - 21
AnthonyCawood
Posted: November 8th, 2015, 7:45pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
UK
Posts
4323
Posts Per Day
1.13
No worries Marcela, it's a classic film and still worth a watch imho... think it's available free online these day.


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 8 - 21
SAC
Posted: November 8th, 2015, 10:44pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


… but some dreams do

Location
Upstate NY
Posts
3208
Posts Per Day
0.78
Anthony,

Like the atmosphere in this one. And the B&W. Thought it a nice touch, and ordinary visuals - like the kettle boiling - took on life as I was reading. I might show more, rather than tell, about the relationship between husband and wife. There's gotta be a way to get rid of the unfilmables with some cleverly placed actions of the two as they're in the bed, and in the final moments.

On the Frankenstein's monster deal - I seem to recall the original version had a scene that was cut out of the monster throwing a little girl into a lake or something. Is this what you're referring to here? Never actually seen the movie, but I do recall that.

Otherwise, pretty good effort.

Steve


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 9 - 21
IamGlenn
Posted: November 9th, 2015, 6:12am Report to Moderator
January Project Group


:)

Location
Dublin, Ireland, Europe, The World.
Posts
692
Posts Per Day
0.20
Hi Anthony,

Real quick, typo on the first page:  She quitely weeps. Quietly.

I liked this. The B&W and transition to colour is very nicely done. I really liked the tone and for a script with no dialogue it was a quick and easy read. I enjoyed the ending too, although early on it was pretty obvious where it was going. I think that's more to do with us knowing it was inspired by the OWC so I was waiting for Frankie to show up.

With that in mind, may I ask why you chose Pond Life over this one for the OWC? Was it because you anticipated the abundance of Frankenstein's Monster scripts? In my opinion, this one feels far more fleshed out even with the lesser page count.

Anyway, good job.

Glenn.





Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 10 - 21
AnthonyCawood
Posted: November 9th, 2015, 7:36am Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
UK
Posts
4323
Posts Per Day
1.13
Hi Glenn and thanks for the read, appreciated as always... and glad you liked it...

Damn those typos... well spotted and ta.

Re Pond Life and this... my reasons were just based on the criteria, this is well under the page count and didn't think I should bloat it, but also because I think it plays mostly as drama rather than horror. But I do think this is stronger than PL, so great that the OWC inspired it.

Anthony


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 11 - 21
IamGlenn
Posted: November 9th, 2015, 9:12am Report to Moderator
January Project Group


:)

Location
Dublin, Ireland, Europe, The World.
Posts
692
Posts Per Day
0.20
Ah I see, it's nice and tight as it is and I agree, any longer and it could become bloated. On the issue of the tone though, I think you would've been ok. Many of the scripts had more of a drama feel about them.

Anyway, nice job. I'd love to see this filmed. Think it'd look really nice and would be easy enough to do.


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 12 - 21
Logan McDonald
Posted: November 9th, 2015, 1:46pm Report to Moderator
New



Location
Astoria, NY
Posts
56
Posts Per Day
0.02
Ah, a in between the scenes story. I like that. Simple, no dialogue, made me think of Murnau’s Sunrise. Bare bones but the story didn’t suffer.
I liked it alot. Should have tried to sneak this one into the competition. I bet it would have done well!


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 13 - 21
RichardR
Posted: November 9th, 2015, 1:47pm Report to Moderator
Been Around


Posts
889
Posts Per Day
0.26
Anthony,

Comments can be monstrous.

First, good job.  This is a nice little tale.  For those not familiar with the original work, some of the references and visuals will not resonate.  Something lost?  I don't know.  It works without the additional knowledge.

This is a personal, highly personal, view about tears on screen.  My view is that if you want tears in the audience, you don't put them on the screen.  The people in the seats should cry, not the character.  To that end, you might work out some action that will demonstrate mom's depth of feeling.  Favorite toys always work for me.  She puts that little vampire doll on the grave, and you'll have the audience by the heart....yeah, a poor joke.

You do better with dad until he cries.  You might simply double down on his anger.  He keeps chopping even when he doesn't have to, turning a log into a pile of wood chips.  

The bedroom scene is well done.  The lack of dialogue works wonders.  you might consider having him rise and leave.  She soon hears the chopping of wood?

For me, the Frankenstein setup wasn't clear and didn't work all that well.  I didn't get that he was the killer.  I know big hands and feet, but had you added stitches to his wrists, I would have run with you.  

Was Frankenstein literate?  I'm not familiar with the story, so making him literate seems a stretch.  Now, if he puts the daisies in the form of a little girl?  That might frighten me more.  

In any case, you've done a good job.  Work on tugging the heart strings of your audience.  it's sor of like life.  If yoy cry, I don't have to.

Keep writing.

Best
Richard
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 14 - 21
 Pages: 1, 2 » : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006