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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Old Man in the Santa Suit Moderators: bert
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  Author    Old Man in the Santa Suit  (currently 4110 views)
Don
Posted: November 25th, 2015, 7:32am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Old Man in the Santa Suit by Erica Benedikty - Short, Action, Fantasy - While an embittered young twenty something robs a bank on Christmas Eve, an Old Man claiming to be Santa offer to help if he just believes before it's too late and the cops arrive. 19 pages - pdf, format


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-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  December 1st, 2015, 3:51pm
revised draft
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ghost and_ghostie gal
Posted: November 26th, 2015, 5:36am Report to Moderator
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Erica,

I do detect a slight inkling to Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol?  Are we forever doomed to continue down this path?  Is there any hope for mankind to see the light and make a shift?  Where can we look to find these answers?

JIMMY found his inside the bank.  But instead of three ghosts, Christmas past, present and future... we have "OLD MAN IN THE SANTA SUIT."

I read it, and I have to admit... it was tough going initially.  But before I post my notes, which are done -- did you upload the wrong draft?  if so, I'll wait to read the correct one... and adjust my notes accordingly.  If not, then I'll post what I have.

Personally, I'd show a lot less of PETE.

Ghostie


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Erica
Posted: November 26th, 2015, 8:02am Report to Moderator
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Ghostwriter,
Thank you for giving it a read, every bit helps.

There is a newer version of the script done, I will get it uploaded.  I'm sure with some notes from here I will work on an even newer version, like all scripts it's a work in progress.

It's funny you mention Christmas Carol, it never started out that way at all.  As I've been working on it and after it was  written I began to look at the Christmas Carol angle for a full length feature version.

Until the new one is uploaded here is a copy with a few changes and hopefully more fixes to grammar and spelling.  Sadly I'm dyslexic but I don't let that stand in my way of enjoyment of writing scripts.
http://www.mediafire.com/view/i4am1bjxa590au7/Old_Man_in_the_Santa_Suit.pdf


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TonyDionisio
Posted: November 26th, 2015, 10:14am Report to Moderator
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Damnit, get to the point!

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Quoted from Erica
Sadly I'm dyslexic but I don't let that stand in my way of enjoyment of writing scripts.


Positive spirit. Don't let your hardships be an obstacle, nor fall into the trap of using them to gain pity. Your misfortune or "pains" can drive you to achieving excellence in life. I'll check this out soon.

Happy T-Give,

Tonya
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Erica
Posted: November 26th, 2015, 10:21am Report to Moderator
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Thanks Tony, I look forward to your thoughts on my script.

It's always a fine line when you talk about things like disabilities.  I chooses to mention them now, not for pity, but to show people that you don't have to let your disability get in the way or be an excuse.  You also don't have to hide them.  There is always a way around things.  Mistakes can be fixed as long as you write the story and not procrastinate or make excuses about not writing the story.


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eldave1
Posted: November 26th, 2015, 11:59am Report to Moderator
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Hey, Erica: Just a few notes.


Quoted Text

Betty hands the bag to Frank.

Three men approach.

JIM (20s) tall and slender with black shoulder length hair.
Black faded and cracked nail polish on his finger nails.
Wears a dark ski mask and a long coat to cover up a weapon,
runs into Frank as he takes hold of the bag spilling the
contents across the sidewalk. Jim loses his balance a bit
and bumps Roger, the toy falls out of Roger’s hand and
crashes onto the sidewalk.

Jim stares at the mess.

PETER (42s) Dressed in dark clothes with a black ski mask
over his face and a large oversized coat to conceal a weapon
under it, follows Jim. Behind them is SAM (50s) dressed
similarly to Jim and Peter but with an earpiece mostly hidden
from sight


This passage could be much crisper. Something like:

Just as Betty hands the bag to Frank, three men, wearing long dark coats and ski masks, approach. They are JIM (20s), PETER (42) and Sam (50).

JIM, leading the trio bumps into Frank. The food from Frank's bag spill across the the sidewalk.  
Jim loses his balance and then bumps Roger causing the toy to fall from the boy's hand onto the sidewalk. Jim stares at the mess he created.


I'm not sure some of the detail you provided works - e.g., if they are wearing long coats to conceal guns - how can we see that? We just see long coats.


Quoted Text
Jim covers his face so the group doesn’t really get a good
look at him.


I thought he was wearing a ski mask??


Quoted Text
ALISON (CONT’D)
Roger we’ve talked about Santa this
year


You need a comma after Roger.

Quoted Text

PETER (42s) description needed.


?????


Quoted Text
Peter raises his rifle threaten to strike again.

Peter’s starts his strike.

Jim grabs Peter’s arm struggling to hold the next vicious
strike.


Again - nothing inaccurate here - it could just be a bit crisper. e.g.,

Peter raises his rifle, ready to strike again. Jim grabs his arm to prevent the forward thrust.


Quoted Text
EMILY (CONT’D)
Hello Santa. How are you tonight?
Santa, are you going to deliver
your presents now?

OLD MAN
Don’t worry Emily, I’ll deliver the
toys.


You have this problem throughout so - I'll just point it out one more time - but check the whole script.

There needs to be a comma before Santa (first dialogue) and before Emily (second).


Quoted Text
JIM
The hell are you talking about?
Don’ screw with me man.


typo - Don't.

I did enjoy the story - a nice holiday redemption is good for the soul.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Erica
Posted: November 26th, 2015, 12:37pm Report to Moderator
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Thank you for the read eldave1,

I'm glad you enjoyed the story.  

There are a couple of opps, not sure how that's still in the script moments, I could have sworn I deleted those.


Quoted Text
PETER (42s) description needed.

Yeah, that should have been deleted it was a place holder while I was writing.


Quoted Text
I'm not sure some of the detail you provided works - e.g., if they are wearing long coats to conceal guns - how can we see that? We just see long coats.

I think that's the Director in me adding detail for shooting.  But your right it can be difficult to see and most likely not relevant at that point in the story.


Quoted Text
I thought he was wearing a ski mask??

I think I changed some things around in the re-write but didn't clean up all the old parts properly, I'll get that fixed up.

Thanks again.



Revision History (1 edits)
Erica  -  November 26th, 2015, 12:50pm
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Erica
Posted: November 27th, 2015, 3:35pm Report to Moderator
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I'm wondering if the title may need a rework.  It doesn't seem to be grabbing people attention. hmmmm.

Oh this waiting is killing me.  


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eldave1
Posted: November 27th, 2015, 4:12pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Erica
I'm wondering if the title may need a rework.  It doesn't seem to be grabbing people attention. hmmmm.

Oh this waiting is killing me.  


I did find the title a bit lacking. Maybe - "Santa's Cause"


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Erica
Posted: November 27th, 2015, 4:29pm Report to Moderator
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Hmmm, I like "Santa's Cause".

What about "Christmas Toy"  or " The Christmas Toy"?


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eldave1
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Quoted from Erica
Hmmm, I like "Santa's Cause".

What about "Christmas Toy"  or " The Christmas Toy"?


Better than the original title - but still doesn't give a sense of how this is different. I think your title needs to focus on either the old man/santa's goal or the protag's tradegy/redemption. e.g.,


- He's Checking a List
- Nothing Under the Tree


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Erica
Posted: November 27th, 2015, 4:50pm Report to Moderator
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Okay, something to defiantly work on than.

Thank you for the suggestions.

others,
Nothing for Christmas
Christmas Tale
The Christmas Heist
It came upon a Christmas Heist


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ghost and_ghostie gal
Posted: November 27th, 2015, 6:08pm Report to Moderator
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Erica,

Okay, I read the updated one. It's better, but it needs cleaning up - just standard second and third draft stuff, cutting words, and it wouldn't hurt to make some of the dialogue a bit more zingy.  Your first and last slug lines -- I'd adjust those... way too long... JMHO.

You could always mention somewhere in the action line that there's a bank next door.  But I'll end it on this, it's not so much how many words you use, but using the right ones.

Having said that, I always love a good Christmas tale, despite  the fact that I think most Christmas movies and songs that we indulge in are sappy and cliched... but they're also traditions I can't imagine going without.

Clearly the story centers around JIMMY.  And the fact that he hates SANTA CLAUSE or the very idea of it.   The brief exchange Jimmy had with ROGER prior to them entering the bank I liked...

.
Code

 ROGER
Santa�s coming tonight, I�ve been
good all year.
JIM
I wouldn�t count on him, he never
did for me. Ever.  



Then they get down to it, robbing the bank, and low and behold, the Old Man in a Santa Suit magically appears.  Then there's Emily, and you play off those three to get the ball rolling, albeit a few bells and whistles... and we find ourselves back in the beginning.

The star on top of the tree was a nice touch.  Jimmy giving the X-Wing to Roger, too.

My 2 cents;  I didn't care for the violence, I felt it wasn't needed.  If anything, I would re-think having Sam unload his weapon.  I get it, but... I would have gone a different route. Family oriented movies are usually G, PG, PG-13.  Less violence, the better. JMHO.

But overall, I enjoyed the story.  

I do believe Santa is real.  Not the twinkle-eyed elf of children's mythology or the creation of American holiday marketers, which clearly you used here.  But the Santa Claus that dwells inside good and thoughtful people, and plans deliberate acts of kindness.

Any questions just let me know.  Forgive my errors.  I'm writing this on the fly.  Holiday's and all...

Good Luck,

Ghostie



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Erica
Posted: November 27th, 2015, 8:18pm Report to Moderator
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Thank you Ghostwriter for the read and the notes!

I think this story starred out a lot darker then the way it is right now.  Over the course of several revisions it's taking on a new life, more of a Family Christmas movie.  I'm happy that this is they way it's turning out as I always wanted to write a story like that.

The new slug line at the beginning has changed to:
EXT. CITY STREET - FOOD SHELTER - DAY
Much shorter, I don't need to mention the bank next door, people would get that there could be a bank on the same street as being next door in not important to the story.

I agree on the ending with the violence, I think I might try a rework making it PG and in line with a traditional Christmas style.  If I turn this into a full length feature style the violence will go as I want the biggest audience possible.  I have to admit, the first time I saw Bad Santa, my mouth dropped.  Now I love that movie.

Again, thank you.  Any thoughts on the title?



Revision History (1 edits)
Erica  -  November 28th, 2015, 10:27am
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Marcela
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Hi Erica,
I definitely found your short script interesting! As for your dyslexia, that shouldn't be a problem, just get somebody to proof-read your work, or, after all, that's what we are here for. I'm not a native speaker of English and make a hell more mistakes than you do. I am still able to correct yours though!
For example:
page 4
No hero’s should be No heroes.
page 5
She’s just a child for god sakes. Should be - for God's sake.
page 16
Rapping paper  should be Wrapping paper (LOL, this one is actually funny, imagine paper performing rap moves!)

Also, on page 7: 'Reaching down he places hand on the ground as he uses his other to grab a chair.'
I thought he was getting hold of a chair and was going to throw it at Jim.
Also, on page 1 - 'The toy has seen better days and appears quite used and fragile.' I would either write that the toy has seen better days or that it appears quite used and fragile. You don't need to say the same thing twice.
Also,'LITTLE BOY, ROGER (10). The Little boy has a toy in hand.' A ten-year-old is not little boy anymore, maybe just A BOY. I don't think he would have a toy in his hand either at his age. Maybe you want to make him 4 year old.

As for the title, 'Nothing for Christmas' sounds the best to me.


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Erica
Posted: December 4th, 2015, 1:07am Report to Moderator
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Thank you for the read Marcela,

I'm glad you liked it.  The notes help.  I'm starting to like the title "Nothing for Christmas".


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DustinBowcot
Posted: December 4th, 2015, 3:32am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Marcela

She’s just a child for god sakes. Should be - for God's sake.


Plenty of people say for god sakes. God doesn't need to be in uppercase unless it starts a sentence. I'm an atheist. Gods do not exist. An atheist placing the 'g' in uppercase (unless it starts a sentence) is indirectly admitting the existence of such a thing.
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DustinBowcot
Posted: December 4th, 2015, 7:50am Report to Moderator
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I'm going to check out your script the same way I always do. I'm only interested in the quality of the writing. Disregard as you please and take my single opinion for what it's worth. I cannot speak for anyone else.


Code

1) Christmas Eve as shoppers scurry around making last minute
shopping choices.



Your first line of action is a tell. You're telling me, not showing me. Show me that it is Christmas Eve. How do we know the shoppers are making last minute shopping choices?

Code

 People on the street corner playing a Christmas tune.



People? Just people? Aren't they a BAND, or CAROL SINGERS. How are they playing this Christmas tune? Which tune is it?

Code

 Salvation Army volunteers ring their bells in hopes of
last minute donations during the holiday spirit



They ring their bells? How many are there? In my country they form bands (often brass) and play carols. I've never seen one dinging a bell, aside from in old US Christmas movies. The last part of the sentence 'during the holiday spirit' not only doesn't make proper sense and is missing a full stop, but is also unnecessary as by now the viewer should be fully aware it is Christmas time.

Code

EXT. SIDEWALK IN FRONT OF A FOOD-BANK NEXT TO A BANK - DAY



EXT. FOOD BANK - DAY

If it is really important that it's next to a bank, then place that in the action.

Code

People walk along the sidewalk bundle up as a bitter wind
picks up.



The same people that were playing the unknown Christmas tune? What do you mean by 'bundle up'? Do they all squeeze up against each other?

Code

A family stands in front of the food bank. Alison, fidgets
with her DAUGHTERS dated scarf in an effort to keep her warm
in the bitter wind.



Alison should be in uppercase like her Daughter. It should also be DAUGHTER'S dated scarf. Both Alison and her Daughter need an age and a description.

What is dated about the scarf? Is it simply an antique? You mentioned the bitter wind in the last action block and now here it is again.


Code

ALISON
You have to keep this pulled up,
it’s cold out, sweetie. I don’t
want you getting sick.

SALLY
But it stinks mommy.

ALISON
Sorry sweetie, this is all we have.



OTN dialogue. The fact that the mother pulls the scarf tighter shows all of the first bit of dialogue visually. The kid will know why her mom is pulling it up and so will the mom. So the dialogue is merely a weak effort to impart the viewer how poor this family are. It's unnecessary as the visuals and what they do and say will give this away subtly. The second line of dialogue is fine if the first isn't there.

The third line of dialogue is also completely unnecessary and OTN. Obviously it's all they have, they're standing outside a food bank looking poor. It goes without saying. Show, don't tell.

Code

The Father, FRANK (50s), stares down to the ground, his hand
rubs his face as if he hasn’t slept in days.



This needs to be handled better. You mentioned a family a few lines ago, but only described two of them before the dialogue started. You should find some way to intro the whole family at once. It's very messy and slightly confusing at the moment.

Where else is the ground if not down? What else could you rub your face with if not your hand? If you write that somebody rubs their face, it goes without saying that they have used their hand to do it. If he rubs it with a wet wipe then that would take mentioning. I think you should also describe he looking like he hasn't slept in days, rather than telling us through some indirect action.

Code

Few steps from the Father is a little boy, ROGER (10). The
Little boy has a toy in hand. The toy has seen better days
and appears quite used and fragile.



A few steps from the Father...

Next to Frank, ROGER (10), clutches a superhero figurine. One
of the arms is missing and the legs look like they have been
chewed by a dog.


Code

BETTY a Food Bank worker steps out onto the sidewalk carrying
a small bag of groceries.



Firs of all, I'll put in the missing commas.

BETTY, a Food Bank worker, steps out onto the sidewalk, carrying
a small bag of groceries.

How do we know she's a food bank worker?

[b]A door to the food bank creaks open and BETTY (56), not dressed for
the cold, shivers as she hands a bag of groceries to Frank.


Code

JIM (20s) tall and slender with black shoulder length hair.
Black faded and cracked nail polish on his finger nails.
Wears a dark ski mask and a long coat to cover up a weapon,
runs into Frank as he takes hold of the bag spilling the
contents across the sidewalk. Jim loses his balance a bit
and bumps Roger, the toy falls out of Roger’s hand and
crashes onto the sidewalk.



Ouch. There are many that will tell you to keep it to only one or two lines of action... which isn't exactly the correct information. You write by camera shot. Each shot usually only takes one sentence, which in turn usually only takes a couple of lines.

There's a lot wrong in the above. Fragmented and poorly constructed sentences. Writing like this is nowhere near good enough for competitions or anything like that, so don't waste your cash just yet. As a hobby then you can do what you like and I hope that you have a lot of fun while writing. Still some way to go before you're at a pro standard, but if you work hard then you may get there... if you want to. Some claim not to want to, or perhaps just don't fully realise their own motivations.

If the writing isn't up to par then I don't get to the story, but don't take that to heart, there are plenty of pro novelists that I can't read either. Tom Clancy bores the hell out of me, and I was once locked in a cell with The Hunt for Red October as my only reading material for a week. I read the thing almost three times. I still class that as one of the most horrifying experiences of my life... almost as bad as not having anything to read at all.

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TonyDionisio
Posted: December 4th, 2015, 9:31am Report to Moderator
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Damnit, get to the point!

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Quoted from DustinBowcot


Plenty of people say for god sakes. God doesn't need to be in uppercase unless it starts a sentence. I'm an atheist. Gods do not exist. An atheist placing the 'g' in uppercase (unless it starts a sentence) is indirectly admitting the existence of such a thing.


Capitalizing God as a rule the English language is not good advice. It doesn't need to be even though different religious groups may tell you otherwise. However, in the above, I agree that the possessive suggestion of "God's sake" should probably be capitalized just the same as if you had changed it to "for Dustin's sake." I view God as being an entity.

Either way, I doubt it's a glaring error and certainly nothing on par with some of the massive errors that come through here daily.

Tony
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JackJ
Posted: December 5th, 2015, 4:41am Report to Moderator
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I doubt anyone interested in producing or directing is gonna care about spelling issues, especially trivial things such as should God be capitalised.

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DustinBowcot
Posted: December 6th, 2015, 4:03am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from JackJ
I doubt anyone interested in producing or directing is gonna care about spelling issues...



Yeah, just like when I hire a carpenter, I don't expect them to be able to saw straight.
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Erica
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Thank you Dustin for taking the time,  All of this really helps.

Even if I'm only going to produce this script myself, I still want it the best possible with the least amount of mistakes.  I know I read somewhere that the writer didn't care because they were directing the script themselves.  That's all fine and dandy, but you still need to get actors.  Those actors have to read the script and you normally do a reading out loud several times.  If the script is riddled with basic errors, there's not a lot of hope for the final product.  

I would rather have people be honest and point out mistakes or say if they 'like' or 'didn't like' then tell me "Good job, your really good".  Then next thing you know I'm on American Idol singing away because my mom and family said I was really good only to find out that they were being nice.

Well of to the rewrites and corrections.

Thanks again.


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JackJ
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Quoted from DustinBowcot


Yeah, just like when I hire a carpenter, I don't expect them to be able to saw straight.


I'm not going to see grammar mistakes on screen, Dustin. If the story is good enough, grammar goes out of the window.




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DustinBowcot
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Quoted from JackJ

I'm not going to see grammar mistakes on screen, Dustin. If the story is good enough, grammar goes out of the window.


What hope for the engine if the bodywork is shoddy?
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JackJ
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Hypothetically - You enjoyed a script, read start to finish, found it entertaining, but there are a couple of grammar issues.

Versus

An incredibly well spelt (spelled) script, but found it bland - what script would you choose to recommend?

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JackJ
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Quoted from DustinBowcot


What hope for the engine if the bodywork is shoddy?


Spec scripts are designs destined to be repaired. In order to make the engine, you need a producer to provide the parts. In order to do that, admittedly, you need to provide a well written script...

However -- even if a script is immaculately spelt, changes are bound to happen, it's unlikely the screenplay is gonna pan out exactly as the writer visualized it. Therefore, a lot of what the writer wrote won't even make it on screen, that includes the bad grammar or the exceptionally well written grammar.

What counts is story, content. If it engages the reader long enough for them to finish, the likelihood of that story becoming a cog in the machine grows regardless of how many grammar issues it may have had.  

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DustinBowcot
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Quoted from JackJ

In order to do that, admittedly, you need to provide a well written script.


Yeah, precisely.

Revision History (1 edits)
Erica  -  December 9th, 2015, 3:32am
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TonyDionisio
Posted: December 9th, 2015, 9:57am Report to Moderator
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Damnit, get to the point!

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Quoted from CJ Walley


Indeed. However the key factor there is engagement. Some readers blue-screen the second they hit an error and become disengaged. I know of people who lose their shit over bold sluglines.


I don't know of any, as a matter of fact, most people seem to like them and why not? It clearly provides a visual indicator of when a scene changes and helps the reader pick it out. I likes em lots times.


Quoted from Cj_Walley
I know from my own experience that typos and grammar don't matter as much as many writers think.


I hope I never experience this.


Quoted from Cj_Walley
The fact is, many people, foolishly or not, attach good technical writing skills with good story crafting skills.


I disagree with "foolishly." I would say accurately. You are selling yourself as a writer with your writing. You are the product. Packages matter. Speaking of packages, have you read my Cock Man short?


Quoted from JackJ
An incredibly well spelt (spelled) script, but found it bland - what script would you choose to recommend?


I would recommend the "not bland one" with polished spelling/grammar. Remember, everyone has great ideas (or thinks they do) for movies. Gotta give em the complete package. Speaking of packages, have you read my Cock Man short?


Quoted from JackJ
I'm not going to see grammar mistakes on screen, Dustin. If the story is good enough, grammar goes out of the window.


Uhhh, okay then. Is that the "JackJ" rule?


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TonyDionisio  -  December 9th, 2015, 7:15pm
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Erica
Posted: December 9th, 2015, 10:55am Report to Moderator
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Thank you CJ for the pitch quotes about grammar.

Grammar is always a touchy subject, sadly it's mostly do to laziness and lack of effort.  One of my biggest pet peeves is when I see people use short forms on forums instead of typing out the whole word, especially in writer's forums.  I don't mean, lol at the end, I mean typing in a forum post as if they were on an old style phone in which you had to scroll through each letter.  You're a writer for God sake, write!  Wait, is that with a capital 'G' or a small 'g', oh screw it, GOD SAKE!  I win!

So thanks all that have read, I'm working on a newer version that has the corrections as well as some story improvements (I hope).  I think I will call the story "Nothing for Christmas".

I wonder, do I submit a new story with a different title or just submit again and ask to change the name?


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TonyDionisio
Posted: December 9th, 2015, 11:03am Report to Moderator
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Damnit, get to the point!

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Quoted from CJ Walley


Do you actually have anything to bring to the discussion?


If you incorrectly quote me then it appears not. Typical emotional response/tactic on full display. I hope no one buys it.

You should be proud of yourself. Good job.
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TonyDionisio
Posted: December 9th, 2015, 11:06am Report to Moderator
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Damnit, get to the point!

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Quoted from Erica
Thank you CJ for the pitch quotes about grammar.

I'm working on a newer version that has the corrections as well as some story improvements (I hope).  I think I will call the story "Nothing for Christmas".

I wonder, do I submit a new story with a different title or just submit again and ask to change the name?


I like the title change. Just post a link to the new version or email an admin with the new file. They will update it at the beginning of the thread so others don't get the older version.
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DustinBowcot
Posted: December 9th, 2015, 11:12am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Erica


Grammar is always a touchy subject, sadly it's mostly do to laziness and lack of effort.


Exactly. It just takes learning. I'm still learning and am always grateful when I learn something new.

As CJ has pointed out, there are readers, producers etc that will opt out of a work early. While there are also those that don't, I see little point in alienating the ones that do. Improving my work will improve the amount of eyes prepared to read my work.

For me, it's a matter of pride. I want my work to be presented in the best way possible.
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eldave1
Posted: December 9th, 2015, 12:48pm Report to Moderator
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Is it all that complicated? Proper grammar and spelling is preferred over poor grammar and typos.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Erica
Posted: December 9th, 2015, 4:48pm Report to Moderator
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Okay, here is were I think things can possible get tricky.  I'm working on re writing the opening montage to make it a little more clear.  When I wrote it, I had myself in mind for shooting, so of course I can picture it in my head.  If I plan on selling this script or not, I need to make the opening more clear as Dustin pointed out.


Quoted Text
How are they playing this Christmas tune? Which tune is it?


This part I didn't include because I know song I would like to use but that all depends on budget, who's directing, who's producing, etc.  I've read both possibilities, that you should stay away from saying the song name, on the others hand, people say to include it your song choice.  Personally if I was to sell the script I think I should keep it generic and let the director choose.  What's the best approach for this in a spec script, even a short script?

Or keep it as "Generic Christmas music like,

"It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year by Andy Williams, plays.




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ghost and_ghostie gal
Posted: December 9th, 2015, 7:02pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Erica
What's the best approach for this in a spec script, even a short script?


When specific music is named in a screenplay, if the producers decide they want to use that music then the rights and legal team will determine its availability and pay the necessary licenses to include it in the film.  This is standard practice and applies to everything in a screenplay that may require a license or rights or permissions. Every aspect of a greenlit screenplay is scrutinized by the legal team to avoid any liability for the producer.

Professional producers do not use music or other copyrighted material without first getting the necessary clearances.

There are essentially two things a screenwriter can do when they wish to include music in a screenplay. One is to describe the generic type / style / era of the music and allow the director/producer to select the specific work. The other is to nominate a specific piece of music because the writer has a reason for using it due to its particular relevance to the theme or story.

So yes, any writer can nominate a particular song or piece of music in a screenplay if they wish.

I hope this clears it up.

Ghostie



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ghost and_ghostie gal  -  December 10th, 2015, 3:23am
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Grandma Bear
Posted: December 9th, 2015, 7:19pm Report to Moderator
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I recently told the writer of a short script I'm producing with another board member, "it's perfectly fine to mention specific music you have in mind. It will give us an idea of the type of music you have in mind."    


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DustinBowcot
Posted: December 10th, 2015, 7:19am Report to Moderator
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If you use songs that are out of copyright then it's all good. The Producer may even thank you. I'm sure a lot of Christmas songs will be free to use today, particularly if sang by actors and not using a recording of a famous singer's version. Even some of those will be fine though. Silent Night is free to use...

Here's a list of public domain Christmas songs:

https://www.easysonglicensing......Public%20Domain.aspx

That's just from quick research. If you look a little deeper there will be more. This one is good because it also tells you songs that you may consider public domain, but aren't.


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TonyDionisio
Posted: December 10th, 2015, 8:19am Report to Moderator
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Music is pretty damn important to a movies final product, in a lot of cases it makes a movie memorable and even having people come out of the theaters thinking it was better than actually was.

I just think that on the screenwriting level only, unless the song really has something to do with the story, one would be best to leave music up to the pros. So many other things to focus on. A ton of scripts come through here with a song kicking off the opening scene for what I can see is no other reason than a particular song that the writer just happens to like.

Anyway, Interesting about the public domain lists, certainly in reference to independent film making.
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Erica
Posted: December 10th, 2015, 3:38pm Report to Moderator
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Thank you Angry Bear for your comment.  I think in this case regardless if I Producer/Direct or sell the script the opening piece of music helps to set the tone.  Of course If I pick Santa Claus is coming to town and the director wants White Christmas, so be it.

Thanks Dustin for that list of songs, it's a great reference.  Ironically all of those songs in the public domain are songs available on Killer Tracks.  Now I know why they use those songs.  Of course like the article says just because the song is public domain, doesn't mean you can take a cd and use it.  That mechanical recording would still be copyright.

In any case I believe that the song choice for this piece that I would use does add to the story, one "It's the most wonderful time of the year" adds a bit of irony to the story considering the toy in the first scene and the bank robbery in the second scene.  The other piece of music would be "Santa Claus is coming to down" is a bit of foreshadowing.  But in the end this is all up to who ever is producing and/or directing.

Thanks again all.


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JackJ
Posted: December 11th, 2015, 1:17am Report to Moderator
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Thanks to CJ and Dustin for taking the time to reply with considerate responses. I really appreciate your views, thank you.




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