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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Into The Unknown Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: December 6th, 2015, 1:36pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Into The Unknown by Christian Vincent - Short, Sci Fi - Lost in space, a pilot forms an unlikely friendship with a wandering alien robot. 30 pages - pdf, format


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cloroxmartini
Posted: December 6th, 2015, 2:29pm Report to Moderator
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We ZOOM OUT slowly to show the PILOT, an bald man on the verge of his mid-life crisis, unconscious and drifting through the vacuum of space.

Empty darkness surrounds him. Nothing but the beeping red light on his helmet to offer comfort

Does this guy have a space suit on? If so, how do we know he is bald? How does drifting through space show he's on the verge of a mid-life crisis?
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cloroxmartini
Posted: December 7th, 2015, 11:33am Report to Moderator
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Read the rest. I think your physics are all wrong, making this quite cartoonish, like the pilot motoring in space like he's swimming...it's space...or gravity on an asteroid...it's space. Maybe that's what you're going for? How does the pilot breath so long?
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