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this one works for me. It reminds me of a story titled 'The Green Door' or Garden Door or something like that. In any case, this one works. If anything, you might find a way to ramp up her fascination and addiction to the girl's face. It doesn't happen the first time or maybe not the second, but as she researches the fence, the property, missing little girls, etc., her obsession grows. Until she joins the little girl. Works for me. Good job.
sorry, only just saw your reply -- no luck on the Dule Tree, a few bites here and there, but ultimately it's a tough one to film given the requirements. Let me know if you make any big changes to this and want a second look.
All the best,
Steve.
My short scripts can be found here on my new & improved budget website:
No, not tried Inktip yet -- I hear good things about it, though I just can't justify the $$ at the moment, least not for a short. Maybe somewhere down the road...
My short scripts can be found here on my new & improved budget website:
I just made up a bullshit registration number when I put a script in. I simply registered the script with myself. Easier and cheaper. Inktip never double checked.
I'll get to this story soon Anthony, mate. I'm a little ill atm, and Xmas this year has been very busy for me.
Thanks Dustin - did wonder if fake reg details would work, good to know. I use WriteVault as it seems to give me all the proof I'd need if someone did decided to rip off one of my scripts but at a lower cost than WGA etc...
And no worries re the read mate this time of year is insanely busy, and doesn't help if you are ill - get well soon mate.
First thing I've noted is the missing hyphen with cross-legged.
Code
a gate more cars.
Missing comma after 'gate'.
Code
GRADY
Now? It’s pitch black.
Nothing really wrong here... but I think the last sentence can be shown by a shot to the window, revealing the blackness of night. Perhaps his reflection stares back at him. But, like I said, there isn't anything wrong with how you've done it here either.
Code
GRADY
Dunno, it's dark, can't see much of
at all.
Missing word? Also mentioning that 'it's dark' mat be a bit overkill.
A ghost story... at least, I think that's what it is. A very sad ending though. Grady will probably get done for her murder, poor bugger. She could have written a note or something.
Not entirely sure what I'm supposed to take from this mate. I read one of your replies where you said this was for the Jameson thing.. and I know they want something uplifting, the question asked, what great things can happen when you allow good things in your life. Yes, this may be all well and dandy for Jodie, but what about poor Grady? Like I said, when people just disappear, sometimes murder investigations are launched, sometimes innocent people go to jail. Not such a happy ending.
As it stands, it's a decent story but lacks somewhat in that she seems to too easily walk intot he fence to become a part of this ghostly world. I think things should clearly fall apart in her life whilst this option is on the table, that she then takes up later on once the proverbial shit hits the fan.
Good luck with it. It's certainly worth putting some time in.