Steven,

You don't have to show her inside the wall.  The blood will work along with the call to 911.  we'll know it's not a rat.

Richard

Richard,

     True, but you and I know that some people expect everything spoon fed to them. I'm not including the visual of her inside of the wall, though.

Steven,

There were grammatical errors as the others have mentioned, which need fixing.

The script meanders quite a bit with not much going on. And I don't quite understand what is going on, this script feels incomplete. You say that his sister could be in his "head" but nothing in script suggests this.

If that was his wife would he call 911? Why doesn't he remember? Why is the woman hidden in the wall? Why did the neighbour think he saw the man when he only heard him?

If I were writing this, I would build and build the suspense that something other than a mouse is in the house and that the man is in danger and didn't get that feeling when reading this.