Christmas Spirit by Richard Russell - Short, Drama - A belated offering for Christmas.  A young man bent on crime listens to Charles Dickens. 6 pages - pdf, format

Filmed

Quite liked this cross between Christmas Carol and that Eminem song.

SPOILERS

The only issue I had was that the ending felt a little predictable, part of me... a very large dark part, wanted him to go through with it and use the extra info on the cop and live happily ever after that way... Just a thought.

Anthony

I liked the story.  I also like Anthony's idea.  

Sorry, that's probably not a lot of help.

Nolan

I liked this.

Well written with believable dialogue and good flow.

SPOILER ALERT

I did think the cop's  left hand was going to come into play. A bit like Anthony, I was all set for a gun fight. Maybe tomorrow night when he's not so tired.

Cheers
Chris

All,

Thank you for your thoughts.  This one actually forced me to,read Dickens for the first time.  I recommend it.  You make a point about the 'left handed' comment.  It should come into play and doesn't.  My bad.

Best
Richard

I loved Dickens as a kid. I read Great Expectations before ever watching it on TV... and when I did watch it, I enjoyed that too. One of my features is also a remix and modern mash-up of Oliver Twist, another book I read before seeing the film... but GE is and will always be my favourite.

Anyway, on to this...

Code Tim leans over to the passenger seat where a line of cocaine waits on a mirror. He snorts the coke and shakes his head. What a hit.

Have you ever snorted coke? I have. Hundreds of times. Not that I do it any more, but I used to take it regularly. I'd be too scared of a heart attack these days. See a lot of 40-year-olds succumb to heart attacks after snorting charlie. Anyway, what i wanted to say was that coke doesn't hit straight away when you snort it. It takes a couple of minutes to get into the blood stream. When guys do that on TV, they're overacting.

Code SANTA I told you, I’m you with any luck.

Missing comma after 'you'. I only point it out because I had to read the dialogue a few times to get it. It is a Sunday morning, though.

I feel cheated. There's only one ghost. This is only half a job, in fact, it's merely a third. You should finish it.

It was OK, but there isn't anything clever about it, which I thought there would be considering you've read the original material. Some clever nods to the original characters, etc, etc.

You shouldn't mention Dickens if you're not going to bring the smarts. Just my opinion. Good luck with it.

Dustin,

Thanks for the read and comments.  I don't think there's space in a short for all three spirits.  Going beyond that isn't in the cards at the moment.

Best
Richard

UPDATE

This one has been made.  Here is the Youtube link.

Richard

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=puPQaRcfn_Q

Congrats, looks well made.

Filmed

Excellent!

Hey,

I really loved your script. Your film was a bit different than I expected but good nonetheless. I do think that the dialogue's fluidity in the script didn't translate to screen so well with the actors. I think the volume was too low on the radio when Tim switched the station to Dickens. That holds the theme of your story so I think it needed to be more clear.

Really really liked your script though. I think some people above said it was predictable but I found it refreshing.

Hope I was helpful

W.K Sharah

Congrats!

I thought it was OK -- the filming was good, the only problem to me was the awful dialogue-- really, really bad.

Richard,

Congrats getting this made! Didn't read the script yet, but the film looked very well made. Nice little tale, though just not enough meat on the bones to really carry it or provide a satisfying arc.

Steve

Just read the script. Excellent. Still, I think it needed a bit more to carry it further and lend a good character arc. Would have loved to see a quick flashback/forward of your main and his future kids somewhere - a park in the summertime, having fun etc. But that's neither here nor there. It's made, and it does look good. Congrats again!

Nice job getting this filmed.

I actually didn't think the dialog was bad.  I just think the actor didn't deliver the dialog correctly.  The "future me" was solid.  But, IMO, the guy playing the "current me" was lacking.

He didn't act like someone who had just snorted coke.  People who snort coke are jumpy.  Nose runny.  He wasn't either.  He was also way too calm and collected for a guy who just snorted coke who was also about to rob a store.  

Lastly, the way the lines of coke were just "lined up" like that without any device, like a blade, in a car were a stretch for me.

Those are all minor things though, at least IMO.

I enjoyed it a lot.  Like the others, I thought he was gonna go in there and shoot the cop.

You know what you can do?  Dustin is correct, it does take a while for the drug to kick in.  Now, you can get away with it after a minute, IMO.  No one is gonna say it takes 3 or 4 min b/c we all have to assume time passes differently in a movie, and its script.

Why don't you have him fidget about after doing the line of coke.  Have him struggle, even if it is with monolog.  Or show him struggling in other ways.

It was a solid short and film.

Dan