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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Homecoming Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: February 9th, 2016, 5:41pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Homecoming by Gary Howell (Hawkeye) - Short, Romantic, Comedy - While in a study session for a test on Shakespeare, two students stumble upon a special reward for their efforts 6 pages - pdf, format


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Gary in Houston
Posted: February 9th, 2016, 5:54pm Report to Moderator
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Hey, Don, thanks for posting, as always!

Just a quick note from anyone expecting too much from this short:

This is a special project that I wrote upon request from my daughter, who noticed from reading scripts on this board and elsewhere that any high school students who are interested in filmmaking will be intimidated by the size and scope of even the short films, and won't have either the expertise in camera shots, lighting, sound, etc., or the ability to secure a lot of locations for a shoot.

So she asked: can you write a short film that a high schooler could make easily?  Yes, I said, and sat down and wrote this out in a couple of hours.  It's a one room location with just two teenage actors, no special effects, and a lot of dialogue for the actors to sink their teeth into.

This script obviously is aimed therefore at young filmmakers to get their feet wet by learning to block shots, using appropriate lighting, and so on, even if it's using an iPhone camera.  This is not going to be one of those scripts that I would option out to anyone.  Any high schooler (heck, middle schooler) is more than free to make this film. I'd love to see a bunch of them make it and see all the different results that come about.  All I ask is that you contact me (see the script cover page) and just give me your contact info so we can stay in touch and I can see the final product (oh, and just give a me a writing credit -- we writers do crave immortality, after all).

As for reviews, that's fine if you want to give them, but the more important thing for me is giving students an easy start into the filmmaking process.  Good luck!

Gary


Some of my scripts:

Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly
I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner
The Gambler (short) - OWC winner
Skip (short) - filmed
Country Road 12 (short) - filmed
The Family Man (short) - filmed
The Journeyers (feature) - optioned

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Reef Dreamer
Posted: February 10th, 2016, 2:58am Report to Moderator
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Hey Gary

Had a red then saw your post.

As first I thought I had read this before, as though it was on movie poet.

Personally I'm no slug police but I was thrown by the first one. I kept think are we to change rooms - just saying.

Strangely enough, for a Short simple story, it raises an suitable topic. Can girls and boys, men and women (think when Harry met Sally) be close friends?  

I could almost see several different endings contained in the script to make students think which is best for them, and why, rather than a single version.

I rather like this idea of student scripts.

All the best


My scripts  HERE

The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.  Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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cbead
Posted: February 10th, 2016, 4:13am Report to Moderator
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Hi Gary

Actually a cute story. I think for who and why it was written it was well on point... It was a bit annoying to me so it was probably exactly how two 17 year olds would converse

Cheers

Chris B


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RichardR
Posted: February 10th, 2016, 12:01pm Report to Moderator
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Gary,

Good luck with your project.  Only comment would be to get your daughter to feed you some more teen slang and shortcuts.  Scrub the dialogue and make it sound present day.

best
Richard
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Gary in Houston
Posted: February 10th, 2016, 1:46pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Reef Dreamer
Hey Gary

As first I thought I had read this before, as though it was on movie poet.

I could almost see several different endings contained in the script to make students think which is best for them, and why, rather than a single version.

I rather like this idea of student scripts.



Hey Bill, you're right -- when I wrote this for my daughter with the idea of maybe utilizing it for students, it was about the time MP shut down, and I decided to enter it in one of the final contests. I then set it aside as I had other things I started working on, and only recently decided to post it here as a project piece.

I would love students to come up with their own endings, or re-write some of it (as I note to Richard's comments below) to fit their own personal situations.  I mean, directors do that all the time when they option writer's works, so this shouldn't be any different.

I too like the idea of scripts for first timers.  In fact, it might even make for a great OWC, to create a script for first-time filmmakers that is simple in nature, few actors, few scene changes, and allows some flexibility to the maker. I think you'd get a lot of options out of a challenge like that. Maybe if we didn't have a challenge, perhaps we could all come up a script that would fit that criteria and post it to the shorts board as I did.


Quoted from cbead
Hi Gary

Actually a cute story. I think for who and why it was written it was well on point... It was a bit annoying to me so it was probably exactly how two 17 year olds would converse

Chris B


Ha!  Thanks, Chris! Appreciate the read!



Quoted from RichardR


Good luck with your project.  Only comment would be to get your daughter to feed you some more teen slang and shortcuts.  Scrub the dialogue and make it sound present day.



Thanks for looking at this, Richard!  I agree -- probably could use more "slang" in it -- especially if you had someone from another country like England making it.  So any teenager using this should feel free to incorporate whatever dialogue, slang, lingo, etc., to make it fit their situation.

Gary


Some of my scripts:

Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly
I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner
The Gambler (short) - OWC winner
Skip (short) - filmed
Country Road 12 (short) - filmed
The Family Man (short) - filmed
The Journeyers (feature) - optioned

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Gary in Houston
Posted: February 29th, 2016, 12:01am Report to Moderator
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Hey guys, just an update, I've given permission to three different young filmmakers to make this short and another to use it in a film pre-production class and to ultimately film.

I'm not stating that to boast, because as I mentioned, this wasn't designed for anything other than to give aspiring filmmakers a way to learn the filmmaking process.  The lesson here, I think, is that if you really want someone to make your short film, write something that will allow people to make it.  Budget is important to inspiring artists, and if you write a lot of locations and a big cast and special effects or things that make it difficult to film, your chances of it getting shot are slim unless the script is top drawer.

This script is five pages, in a single room, with a cast of two. It could be shot in a couple of hours, even with an iPhone. Could be done for less than $100. Maybe the end product isn't going to be Oscar worthy, but I don't care.  I'll get a lot more satisfaction from helping some aspiring filmmakers get started in doing what they love to do.

So write what you love and be happy in what you write. Make it great. And make it appeal to filmmakers. Good luck!!

Gary


Some of my scripts:

Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly
I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner
The Gambler (short) - OWC winner
Skip (short) - filmed
Country Road 12 (short) - filmed
The Family Man (short) - filmed
The Journeyers (feature) - optioned

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LC
Posted: February 29th, 2016, 12:38am Report to Moderator
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Gary, I don't quite know how this script was posted and got past me. Put up earlier this month and you've already a few takers. Interesting experiment your daughter inspired.

And well done, the script is lovely and quite obviously hitting the mark.

I have just one question: what does MUM stand for? I know what it is now after Googling, but being in Australia - Homecoming is a foreign concept and Mum is my dear mother.  

You've definitely given me food for thought when thinking about 'shorts' btw...

Congrats. I'm looking forward to seeing some of the resulting films too.


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Gary in Houston
Posted: February 29th, 2016, 8:51am Report to Moderator
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Hey Libby!

Thanks for the kinds words!  

Yeah, a mum is a BIG ass flower a girl wears off her shoulder to the homecoming football game and the dance afterwards. It's particularly big in Texas. Girls have even gotten to the point where they're attaching teddy bears and other objects to it, so you have to hang it around your neck instead of attaching it to your dress.

Here's a link to some pictures of some ghastly mums:

https://www.google.com/search?.....biw=1603&bih=971

I don't know why people make jokes about those of us that live here in Texas...

Gary


Some of my scripts:

Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly
I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner
The Gambler (short) - OWC winner
Skip (short) - filmed
Country Road 12 (short) - filmed
The Family Man (short) - filmed
The Journeyers (feature) - optioned

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W.K Sharah
Posted: February 29th, 2016, 6:38pm Report to Moderator
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Hey! I read your screenplay and I really enjoyed it. I'm actually a part of younger audience so I know for a fact your dialogue was spot on. I loved the setting! The library and them studying Shakespeare was so perfect. I'm sorry that I not very good at expressing my reactions but all I can say is I really enjoyed it. The entire piece. I think it was cool that she played along. And I like that we kind of saw deeper into their relationship within a couple of pages.

My only question is, if he didn't think she was going to homecoming, why did he plan on asking her and put the paper in the binder.

I'm not sure, I may have overlooked this.

Anyways great story!


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Gary in Houston
Posted: February 29th, 2016, 8:24pm Report to Moderator
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W.K., thanks for the read! Glad you liked it!  Good to hear that you felt the relationship and the dialogue rang true for you.

On your question about whether he thought she was going, in my mind, he asks whether she's going for two reasons: (1) because he needs to be certain no one else has asked her, but probably more importantly (2) he wants her to throw her off the scent and be totally surprised when he does ask.

But that's a good catch -- I could probably re-word that just a bit to give a little bit more of a hint on what he's doing there.

Thanks again!
Gary


Some of my scripts:

Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly
I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner
The Gambler (short) - OWC winner
Skip (short) - filmed
Country Road 12 (short) - filmed
The Family Man (short) - filmed
The Journeyers (feature) - optioned

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Warren
Posted: October 24th, 2017, 7:51pm Report to Moderator
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Hi, Gary (Now I know your name).


Quoted Text
HANNAH, 17, the proverbial girl next door. Welcoming smile.
Exudes self-confidence. Across from her is--
MAX, 17. An everyman that blends effortlessly into a crowd or
a wall, if needed. A guy girls would be attracted to if he
had Hannah’s confidence.


Although these character descriptions read really well, I personally am not sure how you would film that information. I have recently been told that apparently professionals prefer this sort of description so there you go.

Well written, flows really well. Definitely no issues there.

Great little short, surprised it hasn’t been picked up as it would be super easy to film. It did give me a smile and a warm fuzzy feeling inside at the end.

Nice one.


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Gary in Houston
Posted: October 27th, 2017, 9:18am Report to Moderator
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Warren, sorry I just saw your comments!  I don’t have notifications turned on and had essentially forgotten I even had this posted, so apologies for not replying sooner.

I think the descriptions of Hannah and Max are more for the director to think about in terms of the type of person they want to fill the role. I tend to write with a lot of asides and this is another case of that!

Thanks for the kind words— had numerous requests to be allowed to film this by aspiring students, but haven’t actually seen a final product. Originally the idea was to write an easy to film piece, but as I think about it, I might write up five or six more of these and try to make a small web series out of it, maybe Homecoming is where they finally end up together.

Thanks for the read (and for knowing my name!)!

Gary


Some of my scripts:

Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly
I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner
The Gambler (short) - OWC winner
Skip (short) - filmed
Country Road 12 (short) - filmed
The Family Man (short) - filmed
The Journeyers (feature) - optioned

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