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Speaking Test - Filmed! (currently 4612 views) |
Don |
Posted: March 3rd, 2016, 9:09pm |
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AdministratorAdministrator So, what are you writing?
LocationVirginia Posts16381 Posts Per Day 1.94 |
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| Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.
------------- You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take. - Wayne Gretzky
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Revision History (4 edits; 1 reasons shown) |
Don - September 8th, 2016, 11:18am | | |
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Nolan |
Posted: March 4th, 2016, 8:35am |
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Posts175 Posts Per Day 0.06 |
Hi Manolis,
I really liked this. I had a good chuckle reading their conversation. I don't know what ethnicity Safeer is by his name, but I couldn't help but read his lines in a Russian accent!
Nolan |
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Reply: 1 - 42 |
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RichardR |
Posted: March 4th, 2016, 9:44am |
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Posts889 Posts Per Day 0.26 |
Manolis,
Some notes.
Nice job. The examiner discovers that knowing the language isn't all there is to being a P.I. The dialogue sounded real, and the reactions worked.
Best Richard |
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cloroxmartini |
Posted: March 5th, 2016, 3:59am |
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Been Around
LocationYou know what a saguaro is? Posts803 Posts Per Day 0.14 |
Nice irony however I see no connection between Safeed being a candidate and Safeed having motive to investigate Colton. |
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Reply: 3 - 42 |
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spesh2k |
Posted: March 5th, 2016, 4:34am |
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January Project Group
LocationHarlem USA Posts1186 Posts Per Day 0.20 |
This was fantastic! Very low budget, easy to film. Just a room and two actors. Nice. Really liked the irony at the end, there. And the writing was competent. Dialogue natural. I pictured Borat a little bit mixed with Balky from that 80s sitcom "Perfect Strangers".
@ Cloroxmartini -- Safeed's motive to investigate Colton was because Colton laughed at him. I do think maybe there should be a shot of Colton stamping a piece of paper with the word DENIED in bold red to really drive it home -- adding injury (denying him his candidacy) to insult (laughing at the poor guy).
-- Michael |
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Reply: 4 - 42 |
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DustinBowcot |
Posted: March 5th, 2016, 4:48am |
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Yep... nice work Manolis. This one should definitely get picked up. |
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Athenian |
Posted: March 5th, 2016, 7:37am |
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January Project Group
Posts203 Posts Per Day 0.06 |
Thanks for the comments, everyone! - Hi Nolan, glad you liked it! Safeer, as far as I know, is a Pakistani name. I had in mind someone like Peter Sellers in "The Party", but the guy could be from another country, of course. - Hey, Richard, glad this one worked for you. Thanks for the read and your time! - Thank you for the read, cloroxmartini! Safeer just wanted to get back at Colton for disrespecting him at the exam. - Wow, Michael, thanks! I certainly don't mind receiving compliments from writers like you. As for your suggestion, it makes sense, but I don't think the candidates are supposed to see the results before they are officially available. - Hi Dustin, thanks for your kind words! I also hope some producer reads and likes the script. Manolis |
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Revision History (1 edits) |
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SAC |
Posted: March 5th, 2016, 7:57am |
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Of The Ancients … but some dreams do
LocationUpstate NY Posts3201 Posts Per Day 0.79 |
Manolis,
Hahaha! Awesome short. Great job on this. Not much else to say -- a home run! Someone make this, please.
Steve |
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Reply: 7 - 42 |
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Athenian |
Posted: March 5th, 2016, 8:05am |
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January Project Group
Posts203 Posts Per Day 0.06 |
Manolis,
Hahaha! Awesome short. Great job on this. Not much else to say -- a home run! Someone make this, please.
Steve |
Let's hope so, Steve. Glad you found it funny, thanks for your kind words! Manolis |
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stevemiles |
Posted: March 5th, 2016, 1:29pm |
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January Project Group
Posts745 Posts Per Day 0.16 |
Love that final action line...
Quick and to the point -- genuinely funny too. I'd echo others in that you could give Safeer more of a motive in going after Colton. Unless I missed something he passed the test -- having Colton deny him (cause Colton's a dick) gives you that angle.
Steve |
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LC |
Posted: March 7th, 2016, 4:20am |
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Administrator
LocationThe Great Southern Land Posts7581 Posts Per Day 1.34 |
Manolis, as per usual you have a special talent for this snappy short 'short' comedic routine with a great punchline. Very well done, and enjoyable. Btw, I loved Peter Sellers in The Party and Being There - now I'll read it again and imagine him playing the role. I'll also just add I think I'd go a more sophisticated route with the logline, but that's just me. I'd love to see this on screen. Good luck with it. |
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Athenian |
Posted: March 9th, 2016, 10:24am |
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January Project Group
Posts203 Posts Per Day 0.06 |
- Hi, Steve, thank you for the comment! No, Safeer doesn't pass the test – I tried to make that clearer in the rewrite (see below). But glad you liked the script, overall. - Thanks for the read and the kind words, Libby! You're right about the logline – too lazy. I’ll try to come up with a better one. Thanks again! |
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Reply: 11 - 42 |
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Athenian |
Posted: March 9th, 2016, 10:26am |
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January Project Group
Posts203 Posts Per Day 0.06 |
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Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown) |
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LC |
Posted: March 31st, 2016, 7:51pm |
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Administrator
LocationThe Great Southern Land Posts7581 Posts Per Day 1.34 |
Manolis, how's it going?
FYI, Link Not Found 404, with your updated dropbox. ? |
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Athenian |
Posted: March 31st, 2016, 8:35pm |
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January Project Group
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SAC |
Posted: March 31st, 2016, 9:11pm |
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Of The Ancients … but some dreams do
LocationUpstate NY Posts3201 Posts Per Day 0.79 |
Manolis,
Again, very good. Can't say I remember every detail of your original, but the interview seemed a little smoother this time around. Also, did you actually have the wife appear at the end of the last draft? I'd consider adding her -- I think it would add that extra "oomph" that this story may need. A glare from her as she hands Colton the photo? It might work. Your story, though. Either way I still love this.
Steve |
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Athenian |
Posted: April 2nd, 2016, 2:31am |
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January Project Group
Posts203 Posts Per Day 0.06 |
Thanks for re-reading, Steve! I did consider using the wife, but since it would be just for a few seconds I thought it better to keep the script down to two characters. Glad you still liked it, though.
Manolis |
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eldave1 |
Posted: April 2nd, 2016, 10:58am |
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January Project Group
LocationSouthern California Posts6874 Posts Per Day 1.95 |
Well done, Squire.
Quick - believable - funny.
A few moments after finishing I thought it would be interesting if Safeer - rejected by the PD, became a private detective. I could see a feature with him.
Just musing - anyway - really well done |
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Athenian |
Posted: April 4th, 2016, 8:15am |
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January Project Group
Posts203 Posts Per Day 0.06 |
Glad you liked it, David! I currently have a few other ideas for features, but in the future... who knows? Thank you for the read! Manolis |
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khamanna |
Posted: April 4th, 2016, 10:12am |
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January Project Group
Posts4194 Posts Per Day 0.79 |
Hey, Magnolis, that was a lot of fun. First of, he sounded quite funny and reminds me of many many people I know. Many many many many.
And the ending is very satisfactory and laughing out loud funny. Great job! |
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alffy |
Posted: April 4th, 2016, 2:39pm |
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Old Timer
LocationThe bleak North East, England Posts2187 Posts Per Day 0.34 |
Hey Manolis
I thought, like many, this was very funny. It's a great little story with a perfect pay off. |
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Athenian |
Posted: April 6th, 2016, 8:07am |
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January Project Group
Posts203 Posts Per Day 0.06 |
Thanks, Khamanna, glad you enjoyed it! Yes, many non-native speakers do sound like Safeer. I don't exactly sound like an Oxford graduate myself. Hi, alffy, glad you liked the story and the pay off. Thank you for the read! Manolis |
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Athenian |
Posted: July 31st, 2016, 5:13pm |
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January Project Group
Posts203 Posts Per Day 0.06 |
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Warren |
Posted: July 31st, 2016, 6:08pm |
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Of The Ancients A man who has taught his mind to misbehave
LocationSydney, Australia Posts3897 Posts Per Day 1.36 |
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AnthonyCawood |
Posted: July 31st, 2016, 7:56pm |
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January Project Group
LocationUK Posts4319 Posts Per Day 1.14 |
Congrats, when will the full version be available? |
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Grandma Bear |
Posted: July 31st, 2016, 8:19pm |
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Administrator
LocationThe Swamp... Posts7961 Posts Per Day 1.36 |
Awesome! I actually read that one and thought it was great! Congrats!!! |
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Athenian |
Posted: August 1st, 2016, 2:53am |
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January Project Group
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DustinBowcot |
Posted: August 1st, 2016, 3:59am |
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This one has been produced by Melbourne-based director Fook Ngo.
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Fook 'n' Go. Great ice breaker. Well done Manolis. Hopefully it does well at the festivals. |
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Reply: 27 - 42 |
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MarkRenshaw |
Posted: August 1st, 2016, 5:38am |
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January Project Group
LocationUK Posts2335 Posts Per Day 0.59 |
Congratulations and best of luck at the festivals. Superb name for the director lol! |
| For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK |
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Reply: 28 - 42 |
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irish eyes |
Posted: August 1st, 2016, 9:47pm |
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January Project Group There`s too much blood in my alcohol
LocationUpstate New York Posts1865 Posts Per Day 0.37 |
Congrats !!! All the best with the festivals |
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Athenian |
Posted: August 2nd, 2016, 1:09am |
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January Project Group
Posts203 Posts Per Day 0.06 |
Dustin, Mark and Mark (irish eyes), thank you all!
The director's name is Vietnamese. Actually, he wanted to film this script partly because of his own experiences as an "ethnic" Australian.
Manolis |
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Athenian |
Posted: September 8th, 2016, 1:24am |
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January Project Group
Posts203 Posts Per Day 0.06 |
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LC |
Posted: September 8th, 2016, 2:35am |
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Administrator
LocationThe Great Southern Land Posts7581 Posts Per Day 1.34 |
Love it! Brilliant. Did they recut this, Manolis? Made me giggle throughout. You must get Don to post this on the 'link to my film' section, see top right-hand side on home page. You should be be very proud of this one. Casting is great. They did a bang up job of it. |
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Warren |
Posted: September 8th, 2016, 3:35am |
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Of The Ancients A man who has taught his mind to misbehave
LocationSydney, Australia Posts3897 Posts Per Day 1.36 |
Well done.
Much better ending. |
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Athenian |
Posted: September 8th, 2016, 5:04am |
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January Project Group
Posts203 Posts Per Day 0.06 |
Love it! Brilliant. Did they recut this, Manolis? Made me giggle throughout. You must get Don to post this on the 'link to my film' section, see top right-hand side on home page. You should be be very proud of this one. Casting is great. They did a bang up job of it. |
Thanks, Libby, glad you liked it! I asked the director to change a couple of things (the misspelled word too) and he did so. It was a good collaboration. I've already sent Don a message, thanks. (BTW, I've read "Mollycoddled", but I'll comment on it in a couple of days. Busy week. ) |
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Athenian |
Posted: September 8th, 2016, 5:08am |
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January Project Group
Posts203 Posts Per Day 0.06 |
Well done.
Much better ending. |
Thanks, Warren! |
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SAC |
Posted: September 8th, 2016, 6:17am |
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Of The Ancients … but some dreams do
LocationUpstate NY Posts3201 Posts Per Day 0.79 |
Manolis,
Awesome! Congrats on getting this made. Funny and fun little film. (Still like your script better though!)
Steve |
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BenL |
Posted: September 8th, 2016, 7:02am |
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Congrats, but I must admit I liked the script better than the film. Especially the ending with the picture could have been done much better... |
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eldave1 |
Posted: September 8th, 2016, 10:05am |
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January Project Group
LocationSouthern California Posts6874 Posts Per Day 1.95 |
This was really well done- congrats |
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RichardR |
Posted: September 8th, 2016, 11:40am |
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AnthonyCawood |
Posted: September 8th, 2016, 3:22pm |
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January Project Group
LocationUK Posts4319 Posts Per Day 1.14 |
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Fausto |
Posted: September 9th, 2016, 4:50pm |
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New
LocationNew Jersey Posts193 Posts Per Day 0.06 |
Excellent job Manolis! Funny and at the same time deep...as an old philosopher said "the brain has no accent" My best, Fausto |
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Athenian |
Posted: September 12th, 2016, 10:47pm |
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January Project Group
Posts203 Posts Per Day 0.06 |
Steve, Ben, Dave, Richard, Anthony and Fausto, Thanks for watching and commenting! Manolis |
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Revision History (1 edits) |
Athenian - September 12th, 2016, 11:34pm | | |
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