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Hahahaha!! Great! Dialogue is pretty loose, but I enjoyed the story. Script mechanics will likely have a field day with it, so be ready to learn something, other than that, good job.
It's a joke I have heard before just written in screenplay format so I knew the punchline.
Got me thinking how many jokes you could apply this to. Not that I think it's how you should approach screenwriting. (personally I don't and can't write comedy).
Hmm, bit of a dodge way of writing a script, really. I've heard this joke numerous times.
Screenplay wise you did a pretty good job bringing the joke/story to life but I think you might need to be a little less ambitious with your choice of, let's say, set pieces.. For a 'short' it would need a fair ol' budget with the helicopter, not to mention a flood which reaches the height of a church rooftop?! Bit of fun to read and picture in my head.
It's well written for the most part. Just don't see the point of writing out a joke into a different medium that keeps the joke identical. Maybe have the helicopter rescuer tell out the joke and this convinces Father Joe to finally give in and accept rescue. Then when he's pulled up into the helicopter it's suddenly God's hand he's holding, all part of the test, and God goes "Ye of little faith" and shoves him back out of the helicopter.
Yep. I know the joke. Wouldn't have minded a little more from God . . . "Joe, I sent a car, a boat, I even sent a helicopter. But NooooOOOOoooo. Too simple for you. Exactly what kind of miracle were you looking for?" I don't know. Something along those lines.
Thank you for reading and reviewing, Just to add: I did mention this was based on a joke I had heard on the submission form, the box which states "anything else you would like to add?", so I expected that to accompany the logline. Oh well.
Well written, but pretty elaborate stuff for a few pages. If shot, would probably go down as the most expensive single joke ever put to film.
When - Hero moves to drag priest aboard, but the survivors grab him -- I would change to -- the survivors pull the Hero back into the dinghy -- as I wasn't sure who was being grabbed.
Also a "heated conversation takes place" We assume we know what they're saying, but I think a few lines would help here, before the crack of lightning.
The expense thing -- I don't think it's asking too much that a rewrite can't fix.
I spoke to a producer earlier today and the only difficulty they found would be the dinghy scene in flowing water, the rest is not a problem.
We'll see how this goes, but it's cool to have feedback and I appreciate your help.
Example: We would not see the helicopter, we would hear the chopper approaching, the ladder falls down in front of the priest, a spotligjht falls on him. That saves the expense of having a helicopter.
I'd never heard the joke before so it got a giggle from myself, that being said if it's already well known I guess this is just purely a formalised visual take on an already established piece of work. This of course is not necessarily a bad thing as it's been done loads before (Passion of the Christ and so on).
As an ex-Christian I was hoping for more. If this was a writing exercise then so be it. From a technical standpoint, it's just fine. That being said I've heard this "joke" numerous times. I was hoping it was going to be something different, but nope.
Anyways, I would encourage you to write something original next time. This doesn't mean you can't borrow themes from other works. Just apply those themes differently and give us something unique. Because if you're just going to turn cliched jokes into screenplays, then what's the point?
Stuart, a good, simple script. However, I think you will have a production problem with the water and the roof of the church. Unless the scenes are done artificially (computer). Good job! Fausto