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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Toilet Horror Moderators: bert
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  Author    Toilet Horror  (currently 3010 views)
Cameron
Posted: July 24th, 2016, 3:35pm Report to Moderator
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Hey James,

Pretty good, I wondered if the Skinny Man was going to be a ghost, haunting the toilets (pretty depressing thought), but the alien toilet beast works too.

Kept me going, and overall a decent effort.

Cam
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RonH
Posted: July 24th, 2016, 8:57pm Report to Moderator
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Hi James,

I'm normally not a fan of scatological humor, but I really liked it. Many people have so called "Bathroom Issues", and I love the idea of taking such a premise, and pushing things to the extreme. Yes, it's gross and disgusting, but also quite funny and gripping, and never to the point of being a turn off.

I was also a bit confused by the ending, but that bit of mystery was fine, as I'm sure a second read would make things more clear.

One bit -- I would make a point to mention that Spencer isn't urinating at the stall. once he zips down, and faces the stall, I assumed he was going. It's only once the Fat Man enters, you realize he's just been standing there.

Ron
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Fausto
Posted: July 31st, 2016, 10:41am Report to Moderator
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James, good premise! Could you explain the presence of the Skinny Man in the evolution of the story? Maybe, he's important but I don't understand it.
I love the ending...my interpretation is that the tentacles/Fat Man episode was only in Spencer's mind.
I liked your descriptive writing style...but a little too expensive to produce.
My best,
Fausto
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MarkItZero
Posted: July 31st, 2016, 12:32pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks all for the reads!

Fausto -- The ending was meant to be ambiguous. I was trying to create doubt as to whether Spencer survived the beginnings of an alien creature invasion or the whole ordeal was made up in his head.

It was not meant to be confusing in the sense of people asking "Why is the therapist standing in front of a mirror blinking?". Glad it worked for you, but I'm gonna try and re-work it a bit cuz some people had trouble with it.

As for Skinny Man, he exists mainly to establish the signs of someone being body-snatched (lack of facial expression and alien eye blinking). That way, when Fat Man looks in the mirror and displays similar traits it becomes clear something is "taking over" these people.


That rug really tied the room together.
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