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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  First Kiss - Filmed Moderators: bert
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  Author    First Kiss - Filmed  (currently 8224 views)
Don
Posted: September 24th, 2016, 8:09am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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First Kiss by Anthony Cawood - Short, Horror, Drama - YouTube is a great place to find all sorts of training videos, but not everyone wants to learn news things.  2 pages - pdf, format




First Kiss - A Short Film from Justin Stearns on Vimeo.



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

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Revision History (6 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  March 12th, 2017, 11:18pm
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RichardR
Posted: September 24th, 2016, 9:03am Report to Moderator
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Anthony,

Some notes.

This one races to the macabre.  I like it, and I wish there was a bit more--perhaps turning the computer for her to watch with him.  

The ending works for me, although you might consider setting up the scarf in some fashion.  perhaps by a video.

in any case, good job.  

Best
Richard
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Jeremiah Johnson
Posted: September 24th, 2016, 9:25am Report to Moderator
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Anthony,
Ok, guess I wasn't ready for that!  Writing is good and not bad for a one pager.  Easy to film.  Wonder if this was for an assignment?  Going to film it yourself?  If so, easy to do except for getting some kid to off his sis!😀

Your logline has a mistake.  Think you meant "new" not "news"

Good luck with this.  Should get made.


My Scripts:
SHORTS
Bed Bugs
I Got The Shaft
No Clowning Around
Fool's Gold
Five Days for Redemption

TELEVISION
Father, Forgive Me
Sheriff of Nowhere
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Warren
Posted: September 24th, 2016, 4:20pm Report to Moderator
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Just my sort of thing. I liked it, made me think of Dead Girl.

I see no reason why this won't get made.


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AnthonyCawood
Posted: September 24th, 2016, 5:34pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks Don for getting this up so quickly!

This was written for a 1 page challenge sort of thing, ultimately didn't enter it as I thought it was a bit too dark for the brief. So thought I'd post and get some opinions from my fellow SS writers...

Richard - glad you liked, like the idea of him turning the computer for her to watch, will include that in a revision.

Jeremiah - Damn loglines! (glad you liked!)

Warren - Tx, loved Dead Girl, saw it at a film fest knowing nothing about it and was like WTF!

Anthony



Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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Nolan
Posted: September 24th, 2016, 7:57pm Report to Moderator
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This was really horrible.... in a good way!!!  

Nolan
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LC
Posted: September 24th, 2016, 8:37pm Report to Moderator
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No offense Anthony, but I think it's really horrible in an ewww way.

Which is mission accomplished, I suppose.


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MarkItZero
Posted: September 24th, 2016, 9:30pm Report to Moderator
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For a one-pager, this was great. So many crazy reveals in so little time. Nice job.

Was the original contest for a family friendly teen drama? Cuz if so you should've submitted this just for the chance at giving someone a stroke.


That rug really tied the room together.
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Warren
Posted: September 24th, 2016, 9:52pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted Text
Was the original contest for a family friendly teen drama?



Hahaha


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BSaunders
Posted: September 25th, 2016, 2:27am Report to Moderator
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C'mon sis!

The fuuuuuuuck!?!
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: September 25th, 2016, 4:00pm Report to Moderator
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Nolan - many thanks

Libby - exactly, thanks

Mark - thanks, and no, but that would have been funny!

Brandon - thanks, I think


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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Stumpzian
Posted: September 25th, 2016, 5:37pm Report to Moderator
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Anthony,
Perfectly set up, followed by TWO nasty punches, then out. That's how you knock 'em dead in one round. In this case, one page. Kudos.
Henry



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JakeJon
Posted: September 25th, 2016, 7:20pm Report to Moderator
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Wow!  I'm getting old.  Readably creepy.

When should the audience come to the realization that poor Cassie is dead?  The first time we see her staring back dispassionately or at the end with the scarf and blue lips.

I hate to admit that I'd like more info. on this kid.
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BSaunders
Posted: September 25th, 2016, 7:28pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from AnthonyCawood

Brandon - thanks, I think

You thought right. I was shocked, but I loved it!
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stevemiles
Posted: September 26th, 2016, 1:20pm Report to Moderator
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Anthony,

First time round I thought there was more of a connection between the videos and the asphyxiation which threw me for a moment - like perhaps a ‘game’ had gone wrong and he just didn’t know any better.  Well, like AlsoBen’s short it’s dark - one for shock value I suppose and probably effective.  The use of google lends it an interesting angle, maybe underused even..?  This is what happens round here when the nights start to draw in - guess we’ll have to wait till Xmas for some happy endings...

All the best,

Steve


My short scripts can be found here on my new & improved budget website:


http://stevemiles80.wixsite.com/sjmilesscripts
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Reef Dreamer
Posted: September 26th, 2016, 2:36pm Report to Moderator
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Excellent - one page. I love those!

Back to script...

This will be filmed, many times in years to come I suspect. Some of which you will approve

Overall, this is an excellent one pager.

Best of luck


My scripts  HERE

The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.  Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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Fausto
Posted: September 26th, 2016, 3:28pm Report to Moderator
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Anthony, good job ...really horrific and sick. However, I would improve the drama by inserting a longer conversation with the cadaver. Did he kill his sis? Why? To practice kissing? This can be explained with another page of dialogue. Maybe, he can also caress her body for added impact.
Good job.
Fausto
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: September 26th, 2016, 6:40pm Report to Moderator
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Stump - many thanks, glad you liked.

Jake - You are supposed to get a clure from the staring but confirmation at the end.

Steve - 89 days to go, then again there's Halloween in the way, could get darker first

Bill - thanks, glad you liked it, hopefully they'll ask me before filming it

Fausto - Glad you liked, after I decided not to enter the one page challenge I did think of expanding it, but decided against it can kept it nice and lean, see if anyone picks it up.

Thanks all

Anthony


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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khamanna
Posted: September 27th, 2016, 2:44am Report to Moderator
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Woah. I just read another one about the mother covering up the abuse of her son... and woah, I get this one right after. The shorts are getting darker...
And I just heard of Pazolini and his Salo or 120 Days of Sodom. It's a dark streak for me or something.

Well yours is certainly mind-bending and kind of gross. Will someone let his child participate in the shoot though - I don't know. I wouldn't.
Well, you have a very strong reaction from me to this so I'm thinking that's what you wanted and therefore you excelled with the short.
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Fausto
Posted: September 27th, 2016, 1:58pm Report to Moderator
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Anthony, just a quick question...did the brother asphyxiate his sister and then kissed her?
Thank you and good luck.
Fausto
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spesh2k
Posted: September 27th, 2016, 2:37pm Report to Moderator
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Good God, this was dark as fuck. Nice work. Very creepy. As if the sister angle was bad enough. I could see this as a gut-punch of an opening scene for a serial killer feature.

-- Michael


THE SUICIDE THEORY (Amazon Prime, 79% Rotten Tomatoes) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2517300/?ref_=nm_knf_i1
RAGE (Coming Feb. 2021) https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8874764/?ref_=nm_knf_i2

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AnthonyCawood
Posted: September 27th, 2016, 3:51pm Report to Moderator
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khamanna - Many thanks, if someone will allow their children to be in it... good question, guess only time will tell, here's hoping.

Fausto - we enter the story late, he's already tried to kiss his sister, she's reacted, he's killed her and then gone to the internet to prove he was right about the tongues... he is after all both a child and mad!

Michael - Thank you very much ... and yep could be a great opening scene, would certainly set a tone!

Anthony


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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Fausto
Posted: September 28th, 2016, 10:47am Report to Moderator
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Anthony,
absolutely genial! An insane child killing his sis for a kiss.  If a producer is looking for a horror short, THIS IS IT!
My best,
Fausto
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: September 29th, 2016, 4:10pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks Fausto - hopefully a producer will agree with you!


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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Demento
Posted: September 29th, 2016, 9:30pm Report to Moderator
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I hope to see this filmed. But I would imagine, producers, filmmakers might have a problem in getting this one done as it involves kids. And that means it will involve parents who will have to agree to have their kids on film doing this. Which would later be seen by family, friends and so on.
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James McClung
Posted: September 29th, 2016, 9:56pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Anthony,

I'm split on this one. I didn't find it nearly as dark as others. Everything felt calculated so as to shock/gross out an audience with no deeper context (I'm using the phrase lightly here, not looking for a "meaning" or anything), which I think would've made it more sinister (as of now, I find it sorta campy). At the same time, as shock/gross out, it is entirely effective, and perhaps the simplicity of it makes it more aberrant.

I'm also split on the ending. A part of me wants more detail when it comes to the scarf. You've provided some in your response to Fausto, but it's not entirely clear in the script itself. I suppose you could argue that it's inferred, but the fact that it's a garment in question and not, say, an electrical chord, it could also be inferred that it's an accident, Ewan's perverse behavior notwithstanding. But similar to my previous comment, the ambiguity might work in the script's favor.

Like I said. Split. What I'm not split on is you do a lot with one page. That can't possibly be a bad thing.

In regards to child actors, I thought about Todd Solondz' films. He works with children a lot and gets away with a lot doing so, clearly with the blessing of the parents. However, it is 2016. Surely, you can't get away with as much these days.


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AnthonyCawood
Posted: September 30th, 2016, 8:45am Report to Moderator
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Hey James - thanks for taking a look...

The scarf... hmm, you could be right... I have an idea about an alternative, may try and re-work...

Shock... yep that's the intention

Cheers

Anthony


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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Gum
Posted: September 30th, 2016, 10:47am Report to Moderator
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Not sure why you would want this produced IMO… strictly shock value, perhaps.

I’m noticing a celebration of death, or ‘hurt’ culture floating about this board lately, involving kids too. I’m not sure where it all stems from either. Outside of a select few entries it (pedophilia, murder, incest, slasher themes, home invasion, etc) appears to be the flavor of the month… so weird. Maybe cause Halloween is just around the corner?

I don’t know. Tie a ‘Hogwarts’ scarf around her neck and prop her up against ‘The Hunt of the Unicorn’ tapestry.  Art for art’s sake… that whole chestnut.
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AlsoBen
Posted: September 30th, 2016, 11:02am Report to Moderator
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Hi Anthony,

What I found unsatisfying about this is that it's shocking, without a buildup. It's like porn with only the last three seconds.

At the moment, it's like a youtube sketch due to it's length.

A few things:

"EWAN, 10, scrawny with bad skin" - a 10 year old with acne? He's REALLY unlucky.

"He taps away on his tablet, solely intent on the screen.
INSERT: Laptop screen"

Laptop or tablet? It's a little thing but you can't distract a reader with only one page.

Although there is oppurtunity here, if filmed, for a director or actors (child actors!) to show skills, it's hard to convince a crew to put in a good effort with less than a minute of film time. If this were produced, I imagine the team doig so would ask you to expand on it anyway (or else they're not in a position to produce anything longer than a minute in which case the film will be of a low quality).

Just some thoughts.


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AnthonyCawood
Posted: September 30th, 2016, 3:27pm Report to Moderator
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Canis/Ben - thanks for taking a read, appreciated.

Canis - I tend to write darker fare all year round (check out Stuffed), and wrote this a couple of months ago before putting it up, so not a Halloween thing. But it's certainly not a celebration of his actions, hurting kids or anything else... but sometimes what we write reflects life, and life can be shocking.

Ben - It was written for a 1 page competition, have expanded ever so slightly but it's length came from that originally. I quite like trying to get a story into 1 page, it's a little like writing a haiku, imho of course. So I feel this works as a micro-short - but some may not and that's fine too.
My daughter developed bad skin when she was 9, a few dermatologist visits later and all fine, but it's not that unusual apparently. Laptop screen, good catch, agree and will change.
1 minute films being low quality... don't think I agree... not sure how length is an indicator of quality - unless we're back to porn analogies
(My other 1 page script, Flowers, was filmed and subsequently won an award).

Just on the subject of the scripts themes... The idea for this came from the proliferation of YouTube instruction videos and me wondering what harm could such videos do in the wrong hands... and there's thousands of them on how to kiss 'properly'.

Anthony


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1

Revision History (1 edits)
AnthonyCawood  -  September 30th, 2016, 3:37pm
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: October 18th, 2016, 6:57am Report to Moderator
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First Kiss, has been bought by Stearns Media Group - Atlanta, for production in next few months.


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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Stumpzian
Posted: October 18th, 2016, 7:04am Report to Moderator
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Congrats. Thought First Kiss was a winner.



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MarkRenshaw
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Brilliant!


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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Grandma Bear
Posted: October 18th, 2016, 10:09am Report to Moderator
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Congratulations! SS is the best place to get your scripts discovered! I've always said that. How many is that now, 20?  


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AnthonyCawood
Posted: October 18th, 2016, 10:33am Report to Moderator
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Thanks all!

Pia - 18 so far from SS/STS

Inktip is a distant second on 6.


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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Reef Dreamer
Posted: October 18th, 2016, 10:57am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Reef Dreamer
Excellent - one page. I love those!

Back to script...

This will be filmed, many times in years to come I suspect. Some of which you will approve

Overall, this is an excellent one pager.

Best of luck


No surprise there then

Well done



My scripts  HERE

The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.  Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: October 18th, 2016, 4:28pm Report to Moderator
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Almost psychic Bill


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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Warren
Posted: October 18th, 2016, 4:32pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


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Congrats, Anthony.

I really enjoyed this and look forward to seeing it.


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AnthonyCawood
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Tx Warren


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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eldave1
Posted: October 19th, 2016, 9:29am Report to Moderator
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Fabulous - great news!


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Nolan
Posted: October 21st, 2016, 7:38am Report to Moderator
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Congrats Anthony!
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Nomad
Posted: October 21st, 2016, 9:19am Report to Moderator
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Anthony,

You disgust me!

I've NEVER been so repulsed by a script in all my life!

WELL DONE!!!

If eliciting emotion is the name of the game, you just won.
I wanted to reach through my monitor and wring that scrawny kid's neck.

For a one pager you sure pack a punch.

I miss one pagers.  They are so poetic.

Congrats on the sell.  I look forward to not watching it.

Jordan


Read my scripts here:
SOCIAL EXPERIMENT 8pg-Drama
THE BRIDGE 8pg-Horror
SCHEISSE 6pg-Horror/Comedy
MADE FOR EACH OTHER-FILMED
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: October 21st, 2016, 11:18pm Report to Moderator
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Dave, Nolan, Jordan - many thanks !


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
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Mr. Blonde
Posted: October 22nd, 2016, 7:10am Report to Moderator
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Big congratulations, Anthony. I can't believe you've gotten 18 so far. That's so cool. This is just another one to throw on the proverbial pile, while you churn out another dozen successes. You're off to bigger and better things. =)


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AnthonyCawood
Posted: October 22nd, 2016, 8:17am Report to Moderator
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Tx Mr Blonde - always great to sell/option another short, just wish they all ended up getting filmed!


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: November 5th, 2016, 7:21am Report to Moderator
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This is scheduled to shoot at the end of November, film maker is hoping to release pre-Xmas...


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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Nomad
Posted: November 5th, 2016, 9:57pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from AnthonyCawood
...film maker is hoping to release pre-Xmas...


'Cause nothing says "Christmas", like incestuous soroicide.

Jordan


Read my scripts here:
SOCIAL EXPERIMENT 8pg-Drama
THE BRIDGE 8pg-Horror
SCHEISSE 6pg-Horror/Comedy
MADE FOR EACH OTHER-FILMED
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: November 6th, 2016, 4:05am Report to Moderator
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Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: November 7th, 2016, 4:18am Report to Moderator
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Nice one!


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: November 25th, 2016, 8:19pm Report to Moderator
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Shooting tomorrow and just heard that they've tweaked it... now sisters!


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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LC
Posted: November 26th, 2016, 12:38am Report to Moderator
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Ooh, curious why the did that. Did they tell you why? Is it the incestuous angle which would come across even if sisters.

Perhaps they should be twins - nice twin/evil twin.

Or, just friends on a play-date. That way they could be male and female, female and female, male and male..

I'm exausting myself with the possibilities now.  


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Demento
Posted: November 26th, 2016, 1:00am Report to Moderator
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Interested to see how this one comes off.

What makes me most happy is that there's a "sold" next to the thread title. I want to see more of that.
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: November 26th, 2016, 4:47am Report to Moderator
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Apparently they got better talent with the girls that auditioned... interesting twist though

I like the Sold label too, have someone circling Teddy Bear at the moment, so fingers crossed.


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: January 18th, 2017, 7:30pm Report to Moderator
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And here's the film = https://vimeo.com/193438078

Anthony


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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Don
Posted: January 18th, 2017, 7:44pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

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- Wayne Gretzky
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Grandma Bear
Posted: January 18th, 2017, 7:49pm Report to Moderator
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That looked great! Congrats!

However, I think the filmmakers failed to deliver the punchline that worked so well in the script.


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Don
Posted: January 18th, 2017, 10:14pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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I was almost afraid to watch this. I think the execution was very, very good, however I have to agree with Pia. Everything spot on. Actresses great, stunning, lighting, sound, perfect. I think the reveal was a little too soon. However, if you haven't read the script, you wouldn't know.

Don


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

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Zack
Posted: January 18th, 2017, 10:24pm Report to Moderator
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Haven't read the script (yet!), but did give the film a go. Like Pia and Don said, technically it's very well made. Really enjoyed the cinematography. Unfortunately the ending didn't have the impact I think it was meant to. It seems like the "twist" is given away almost immediately. Maybe it works better in the script... Either way, congrats on getting it filmed.

* Well damn, it seems the script has been removed.
*Don's edit - the script is still available at: https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/35583122/First%20Kiss.pdf

~Zack~

Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  January 19th, 2017, 10:29am
added script link
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: January 19th, 2017, 6:54am Report to Moderator
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Hi Pia/Don/Zack

Thanks for having a watch... I think the reveal may be more obvious if you've read the script, though Zack saw it early too, it's also a very short short so that might make it more difficult.

But overall I think the production values are great, the acting is really good and the switch to two girls has added an extra dimension.

I'm really pleased with this one given I almost didn't put it out in the world!

Zack, script is still up on my website - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/first-kiss/4593064844

Have another, called Grandma, which should see the light of day in next month or so.

Anthony


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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Nolan
Posted: January 19th, 2017, 3:18pm Report to Moderator
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Looks great!  

Nolan
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: January 19th, 2017, 3:45pm Report to Moderator
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Congratulations on getting this filmed. Great production value, good acting and she was very creepy! Love the choice of music in the titles.

I have to say I think they gave away the fact that the sister was dead way too early. From my reading of the script this is two young siblings experimenting with kissing and then it goes that extra WTF moment at the end when you realise she's kissing someone who's dead!

That element is lost here and it gives the audience too long to ask questions.

However, that's just my personal opinion. It's still awesome!

-Mark


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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khamanna
Posted: January 19th, 2017, 4:02pm Report to Moderator
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Oh, they made quite a few changes to it but the story hasn't changed. Her being a girl - even creepier this way.
I really liked the kiss talk at the beginning - Mom says we have to try things together - I remember that at the beginning of the script.
But great job either way. Nice acting too.
Congrats.
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: January 19th, 2017, 6:30pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks Khamanna - agree, two girls is def creepier and works really well!


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
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Zack
Posted: January 19th, 2017, 7:19pm Report to Moderator
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Read the script, though now that it's been produced I'm not sure how much weight this review will hold. Personally, I think the screenplay is far superior to the finished product. Definitely has more punch. As for the gender swap, I could take it or leave it. It's creepy as hell either way. Good stuff Anthony.

~Zack~
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: January 20th, 2017, 3:34pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks Mark/Zack

Mark, yep possibly so, but what ya gonna do

Zack - thanks, and glad you liked the script!

Anthony


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: January 20th, 2017, 3:35pm Report to Moderator
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And thanks Nolan!

(I got my responses out of order!)


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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