Dave

This was an amusing read, got some laughs out of it. I particularly liked when Theresa (how perfect of a nun name is that?) talked about Vatican 2. This was news to me as well. Also, Max’s interjections provided some good comedy.

I suspect others saw the twist coming, I didn’t, so in that respect it worked rather nicely.

Also, and I assume this wasn’t your intention as you’re mainly going for amusement here but I felt a certain sadness around these two characters. Kimberley’s blasé talk about her profession felt like an act, putting on a brave face, affecting that carefree “I love to fuck so I may as well get paid for it” attitude that screams just that, an affectation to hide her pain. Especially when she said how she hated men. I mean, how horrible would your job be if it required you to be intimate with something you hated? That was a glimpse into, perhaps, a damaging, traumatic past...or maybe I’m projecting my own assumptions onto women who go into that trade. Some do it for the reasons Kimberley expressed for others it’s altogether more complicated.  Either way, on the basis of what Theresa’s dad is paying her, she’s at least getting well compensated financially.

Another line that gave me that pang of “Oh, poor girl” is when she says how she doesn’t usually share a taxi with anyone. Again, I could be reading way too much into it but this tells me Kimberley is very lonely, eluded to via a seemingly throwaway remark...or not.

In terms of Theresa, and this is more to do with my distrust of organised religion but anyone who would want to be a nun in a modern, first world country probably feels very alienated and at odds with people and their environment. It suggests repression, fear and an inability to engage with today’s society. Or not, she is a true believer who wants to do good, simple as that. She could feel more in tune with who she is than most of us.

However, even though she puts up a tough demeanour by suggesting they confront her dad together it’s got to be very embarrassing for her. Who knows, maybe he was a factor that contributed to her decision in entering the nunhood? The nunnery? I dunno.  

Again, I’m projecting the shit of it here and you’re probably saying “Jesus, man, I wrote it for a laugh and here you are getting all serious on me, lighten up” and you’d be right. This was just another angle I got from the script. It’s that fine line between humour and tragedy. A few tweaks here and there and this is a hard hitting drama, a scathing indictment of our culture, gender relations, modernity, abuse, sexuality...the list goes on

Col.

Thanks for the read, mate.

Towards your thoughts:

This was in fact originally written as a drama for the OWC challenge that required all characters to be females (in that one, MAX the taxi driver was a female).

I was not entirely happy with that so wrote a different short for the OWC ("Meeting The Other Woman"_ - also a drama. After the competition I decided to go back to this one and try it as a light comedy - which I liked.

A very long winded way of saying is that I am kind of glad you found a potential dramatic angle to it as that was how it was originally birthed.

Too lazy to get to it right now, but have also thought of it as a potential theme for a dramady based series (a Nun, excommunicated for publicly protesting for woman priests forced to share an apartment with a paroled hooker struggling to stay on the straight and narrow). Started it then thought it was too odd couple-ish. May revisit.

Again - thanks for your thoughts.

Quoted from eldave1 A very long winded way of saying is that I am kind of glad you found a potential dramatic angle to it as that was how it was originally birthed.

-Ok, cool, I wasn't too far off then.

Quoted from eldave1 Too lazy to get to it right now, but have also thought of it as a potential theme for a dramady based series (a Nun, excommunicated for publicly protesting for woman priests forced to share an apartment with a paroled hooker struggling to stay on the straight and narrow). Started it then thought it was too odd couple-ish. May revisit.

- Ha, that does sound very Sitcom 101 alright. Which is what you want when creating one. Whatever about playing around with film formula, sitcom parameters appear to be even more restrictive.

Quoted from Colkurtz8 - Ha, that does sound very Sitcom 101 alright. Which is what you want when creating one. Whatever about playing around with film formula, sitcom parameters appear to be even more restrictive.

If the Odd Couple hadn't already been made - I would have a go at it.

Neil Simon classic... Don't think it could be same without Lemmon and Matthau.

Quoted from HyperMatt Neil Simon classic... Don't think it could be same without Lemmon and Matthau.

yup

I read NUN TOO SOON and enjoyed it!  The idea of sticking a nun and hooker together in an Uber is great idea -- and I also liked the interaction with the driver.  Not only is the premise excellent, but the writer delivered in his execution.  The descriptions are spot on and the dialogue is snappy and moves the scene/story right along.  Very nice job!

Quoted from LarryP I read NUN TOO SOON and enjoyed it!  The idea of sticking a nun and hooker together in an Uber is great idea -- and I also liked the interaction with the driver.  Not only is the premise excellent, but the writer delivered in his execution.  The descriptions are spot on and the dialogue is snappy and moves the scene/story right along.  Very nice job!

Thanks, Larry - glad you enjoyed it.

Wait, is this the short version of the feature I just read? I assume so -- I like to write shorts with intentions of making it feature length, too. If the short's produced, you can always use it as a proof of concept. I haven't checked this out yet, but I'll definitely give it a read -- it kinda gives me a glimpse of your process a little bit RE: Nun the Wiser.

-- Michael

Quoted from spesh2k Wait, is this the short version of the feature I just read? I assume so -- I like to write shorts with intentions of making it feature length, too. If the short's produced, you can always use it as a proof of concept. I haven't checked this out yet, but I'll definitely give it a read -- it kinda gives me a glimpse of your process a little bit RE: Nun the Wiser. -- Michael

Yes - this is the short that the feature is based on.

Hi Dave

Very well written (as all your work is). A good story with a "surprise" ending    

Quoted from BarryJohn Hi Dave Very well written (as all your work is). A good story with a "surprise" ending

Thanks!

Dave, very nice but I didn't get what Theresa said that he's going to pay but not get the service. He'll come downstairs and pay and then see his daughter - that's how he won't get the service, is that right?

Other than that this was amusing.

Quoted from khamanna Dave, very nice but I didn't get what Theresa said that he's going to pay but not get the service. He'll come downstairs and pay and then see his daughter - that's how he won't get the service, is that right? Other than that this was amusing.

Kham - he's going to pay by buying them both an expensive dinner

Glad you liked it.