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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Comedy Scripts  ›  Nycha
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  Author    Nycha  (currently 815 views)
Don
Posted: February 7th, 2018, 10:19am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Nycha by Roberto Negron - Short, Comedy - A boy living in New York City public housing feels that he's outgrown the window guards in his bedroom, so he defies NYCHA rules and takes them down, only to learn that little babies falling to their deaths is not the only reason why NYCHA asks tenants to keep their window guards up at all times, no matter what.  5 pages

contest: Finalist in the latest Just4shorts screenplay competition. - pdf format

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Revision History (5 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  October 22nd, 2019, 5:00pm
revised draft
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HyperMatt
Posted: May 27th, 2018, 4:32pm Report to Moderator
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Your logline is basically the synopsis of the script, save the street fight.
They're are a couple of amusing lines, and the whole things seem to be about frustrations of living in a tenement.

The script is well formatted, but you have to introduce all your characters with CAPS. I would lose the birds in the first scene, makes it too complicated.
I would like a bit more description about those two kids fighting. I had no idea that Street Kid#1 was white and Street kid#2 was black until Street kid#1 mentioned it.
Didn't feel it really paid off, felt it should have been longer. I did not get the relevance of 'Nycha', a character mentions that he wishes Nycha would take the window guards, but that's it.


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