Good stuff Pia  I enjoyed the laugh.

The ending came up short though maybe have Viicky introduce them all.

VICKY
It's my lucky day.
This guy likes to  suck , this guy likes balls in his mouth and this guy is my ass sore husband.
Have fun coming out of the closet.

I like this one.  It reminds me of an old style comedy.

The ending was great.  I can see this one being made.

Hey guys, thanks for reading! Makes me happy to see you like this one. I usually don't do comedy. In fact, I've been told more than once that I'm just not funny enough.  

Mark, that is actually hilarious!  

Not sure when I will be able to get back to this one and re-work the ending. I've been very busy lately. Not so much with writing stuff, but life stuff. Good stuff though. Got two more grandkids coming in the spring. That makes it four and five!!

I did work on a sequel for Trust Me though. This was a script I was sure would not get produced because, well, it just wasn't that great, but amazingly enough, two different directors made it into a film and the first one that did it, the one posted here at SS, wanted a sequel! Who would've thunk? It ended up being a 20 script and he's supposed to shoot it later this fall. This was pretty hard since the first script was not written to have a sequel.

Thanks again, everyone.  

Enjoyed this read. The characters were great, distinct with some good funny dialogue - I especially liked at the beginning when Brad literally said that his company sucked lol

Brad played the part of the unnaturally chirpy but pushy salesman really well. Although, I must say that having the third man  in the wardrobe was predictable

As others have said, the chlorine confused me. It seems chucked in as an excuse for Brad to get naked and doesn't fit the rest of the story. When he flee's for the window, the vacuum is still plugged in right? So when he runs out of cord, he could fall, causing the vacuum to turn on, sucking off his trousers (After all the whole story he boasts about its sucking power) - Or is that a little too slapstick?

As for the end, again as others have said, ends too abruptly. The whole story is about Brad trying to sell his vacuum, so I would end it with that - When the closet opens revealing them all, after an awkward pause I would then have Brad trying to sell the vacuum to the husband in his chirpy oblivious way

That's my opinion anyway.

Thank you for an enjoyable read

Hey Matt,

thanks for taking a look and also for offering up something that would make this end better. Simple solution that would take no more than one line or so.

There's still that issue with the chlorine. Something that would definitely be something that would have to be solved if someone wanted to shoot this. I don't really see anyone wanting to though. It's just a bit of short fun.

Thanks again for the read. Glad you enjoyed it.