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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Comedy Scripts  ›  Donald Trump: Self-Esteem Booster - Optioned
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  Author    Donald Trump: Self-Esteem Booster - Optioned  (currently 691 views)
Don
Posted: August 25th, 2018, 10:06am Report to Moderator
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Donald Trump: Self-Esteem Booster by Oscar Moreno - Short, Comedy, Sketch - In order to live a better life, a young man seeks the moral support of President Trump but soon can't get rid of him. 6 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
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Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  February 19th, 2019, 4:37pm
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ajr
Posted: August 25th, 2018, 5:10pm Report to Moderator
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Okay, I'll bite...

You ticked off all the boxes, for sure. The wall part was amusing. But Trump is such an easy target for satire, that this didn't hit the mark for me, because everything was too obvious. There has to be similar material on thousands of computers. You need something very close to reality, yet exaggerated, which with Trump, may be impossible. I think it's impossible to satirize him.

So I'll be super-nitpicky - how does Trump appear out of thin air? He's not dead. All the satire depends on him being the current, incompetent leader.

And the theme of the story - which mirrors life - is that Trump pumps you up until you turn on him. Jeff is not shown as a MAGA-ite; he's just a guy with a small schween who wants to score. So what is Trump's motivation to help him?

Would be interested to know what others think.

AJR


Click HERE to read JOHN LENNON'S HEAVEN https://preview.tinyurl.com/John-Lennon-s-Heaven-110-pgs/
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OscarM
Posted: August 26th, 2018, 5:37pm Report to Moderator
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Hi AJR,
Thanks for reading and for your feedback! I think you may be on to something with having to show Jeff a bit more as a MAGA-ite. I was hoping the hat would be enough but I could push that regardless.
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Dustin
Posted: August 27th, 2018, 4:06am Report to Moderator
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I've Googled and I still can't figure out what MAGA-ite means. Must be an American thing.

I can't cut n paste from your script. I got to the 'off-screen' penis part and I wonder why you felt it necessary to write 'off-screen'? Is the idea of your readers visualising an actual penis something that should be avoided? I don't understand the necessity.

Emperor.

Yeah, I'm getting a left-wing political vibe from this that I don't like. In your mind that will likely make me a Trump supporter. Black and white... no shades of grey. That is how I see followers of the right and left.

Democracy is a charade.

The fact is there is an evil on this planet, and it is us. Not that I give an eff about that either, mind.


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OscarM
Posted: August 27th, 2018, 4:08pm Report to Moderator
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MAGA-ite is basically a Trump fan. You may have a point about the off-screen penis, but it was partly a production consideration, just making sure that it wasn't necessary to show it as there are actors and filmmakers out there about showing nudity and I also didn't think it would bring anything to the scene. It is "Emporer", it's just something I've heard Trumpsters say and decided to put it in.

Sorry that it's not your cup of tea. I do find it ironic that you don't like the idea of me seeing you as a Trump supporter but quickly lump me in as an absolute follower of the left just because you're getting that vibe off the script. There are worse things to be lumped in with I suppose.
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Dustin
Posted: August 28th, 2018, 2:04am Report to Moderator
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I did get that it meant he was a Trump fan... what I don't get is why it means that. What does MAGA stand for? Why is it in uppercase... what does it mean?

Good point regarding me lumping you in with the absolute left, but if you're going to jump on the left wing bandwagon and write a script for those guys to enjoy... then why would you be anything else?


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jayrex
Posted: August 28th, 2018, 4:02am Report to Moderator
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Cut to three weeks earlier

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Quoted from Dustin
I did get that it meant he was a Trump fan... what I don't get is why it means that. What does MAGA stand for? Why is it in uppercase... what does it mean?

Good point regarding me lumping you in with the absolute left, but if you're going to jump on the left wing bandwagon and write a script for those guys to enjoy... then why would you be anything else?


Stands for Make America Great Again.  Never going to happen under Trump.

You may remember those red baseball caps he wore on the campaign trail.


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OscarM
Posted: August 28th, 2018, 8:46am Report to Moderator
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Dustin - There are quite a few people on the right that don't like Trump and his supporters. I don't really want to get too personal, but although my politics do tend to lean left I'm not fully devoted to any side of the political spectrum.
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Dustin
Posted: August 28th, 2018, 9:13am Report to Moderator
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Make America Great Again... of course! Thank you. I feel now that I really should have guessed that.

Oscar, that's just the thing with sides... there really is only one side. Doesn't matter which side we believe are in charge, everything stays the same. Presidents are in place to push things past the people we probably wouldn't agree to if asked directly (like blowing up Syria for example), they're also there to stop us revolting.

History has shown that if the people get pissed off enough, they will cut off the head, quite literally, of the guys/gals we put in charge. The president is a handy figurehead we can blame for everything. Get rid of that guy and we get another one who does exactly the same thing in a different way... only this guy smiles all the time and is super nice.

It's a shameless charade that we all play a part in and help feed. We do it to hide our own guilt. We benefit from causing war and turmoil throughout the world. We pretend to care, but really, all we care about is what we don't have, and what we want. Everything else is bullshit.

Personally, I would prefer the time when we had no shame in conquering other nations. It is what it is. We're still cavemen... pretending we're not doesn't change it.


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OscarM
Posted: August 28th, 2018, 9:43am Report to Moderator
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Dustin,
I'm from Mexico so I can't say I have any faith in politics.  But when there's a leader who risks or is already dismantling systems that keep people safe, healthy and educated, I say that's when it's important to participate in democracy. Things don't even have to go that far to participate. Not doing so makes it easier to take away the power from the people. It's a messed up game, that's for sure, only fitting because humanity is messed up as it is but I can't say it's irrelevant when I've seen how it directly impacts people.
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Angry Bear
Posted: August 28th, 2018, 10:22am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dustin

We're still cavemen... pretending we're not doesn't change it.

But.. but... we're sophisticated nowadays. We have the internet!  


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Dustin
Posted: August 28th, 2018, 11:43am Report to Moderator
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Action speaks louder...

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Quoted from OscarM
Dustin,
I'm from Mexico so I can't say I have any faith in politics.  But when there's a leader who risks or is already dismantling systems that keep people safe, healthy and educated, I say that's when it's important to participate in democracy. Things don't even have to go that far to participate. Not doing so makes it easier to take away the power from the people. It's a messed up game, that's for sure, only fitting because humanity is messed up as it is but I can't say it's irrelevant when I've seen how it directly impacts people.


It's lost on you. Unfortunate as it is, this is the case with most people. Democracy is a sham. Trump didn't actually beat Hilary Clinton. He was outvoted, yet he's still in... why? The reason he is in power is because he's the best guy to push through what needs pushing through. He's the best guy to take the blame for all the shit we are about to do... you and I are not directly involved, however, we benefit from the trickle down.

It means we can continue throwing 50% of our food in the bin while 50% of the world starves. People want more and more... this comes at the cost of more human lives, yet still we want more. The fact that it costs human lives is brushed under the carpet. We don't think about it. We just pretend to care and find people to blame.


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OscarM
Posted: August 28th, 2018, 2:09pm Report to Moderator
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Dustin - We look at the world in similar yet different ways. That's fine but I'm no longer going to discuss this as it's not directly relevant to the script anymore. Thank you.
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Don
Posted: February 19th, 2019, 4:38pm Report to Moderator
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Has been optioned for production.


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.


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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
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eldave1
Posted: February 20th, 2019, 12:24am Report to Moderator
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Nice


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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FrankM
Posted: February 20th, 2019, 12:48am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Don
Has been optioned for production.


Optioned the same day Bernie Sanders declares his candidacy. Suspicious


Family feature: Who Wants to Be a Princess? Latest draft (6/2019)
Horror anthology/feature: Glass House Latest draft (2/2019)
Sci-Fi short trilogy: Timmy
Comedy short: Feedback
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OscarM
Posted: February 20th, 2019, 1:03am Report to Moderator
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Hahah, I'm not associated with Senator Sanders in any shape, way or form. Thanks, guys!
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Matthew Taylor
Posted: February 20th, 2019, 5:19am Report to Moderator
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Well done. Did they find the script here on SS or elsewhere?


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OscarM
Posted: February 24th, 2019, 2:52pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Matthew Taylor
Well done. Did they find the script here on SS or elsewhere?


Thanks! And yes, they found it here.
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Philostrate
Posted: February 24th, 2019, 3:26pm Report to Moderator
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Congrats, Oscar.

It's remarkable the number of scripts that get discovered on SS.


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Andrew
Posted: February 24th, 2019, 6:15pm Report to Moderator
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This was fun. With the right direction and casting, it could be very funny. I do think the end needs some work. It falls a little flat for me, as is, but the script itself is well-written and flows nicely.

RE: the satire, I think a strong directoral vision could give it some ooomph in that department (maybe with the visual of Trump), and the same with Jack and his leanings toward Trump and MAGA (or not).

Overall, I think there is room for some subversion of how Trump is viewed here (is there any humour to be had in him having a moment of self-reflection, for example?); that may not be the direction you want to take it in, but just a thought.

Look forward to seeing the final cut! Good luck.


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OscarM
Posted: February 25th, 2019, 12:44pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Philostrate
Congrats, Oscar.

It's remarkable the number of scripts that get discovered on SS.


Thanks! I hope there's more to be discovered in the future, mine and everyone's!  
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OscarM
Posted: February 25th, 2019, 12:45pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Andrew
This was fun. With the right direction and casting, it could be very funny. I do think the end needs some work. It falls a little flat for me, as is, but the script itself is well-written and flows nicely.

RE: the satire, I think a strong directoral vision could give it some ooomph in that department (maybe with the visual of Trump), and the same with Jack and his leanings toward Trump and MAGA (or not).

Overall, I think there is room for some subversion of how Trump is viewed here (is there any humour to be had in him having a moment of self-reflection, for example?); that may not be the direction you want to take it in, but just a thought.

Look forward to seeing the final cut! Good luck.


Thanks for the feedback, Andrew! I'm glad you found it fun!
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