Now that I think about it... Why not cut the opening at the house, start with a cold open in the interrogation room. Throw us right into it. Then you could extend the end a bit and still keep this under 4 pages.

Quoted from SAC Anyways, just got an email about this script, so let's see if anything happens.

Congrats, Dude!

Ahahaha Steven. Granny porn ahaha. I wish there was more of the weird funny convo though, too much fun here.
And def you created room for more! Like who writes about granny porn? Let them dig deeper.  Let Chad start suspecting Me Orange is interested in granny porn. Let Orange confess in his issues with his grandma!
Now I’m angry! You didn’t see it through.

But seriously funny little story. It does end somewhat fast, could be a punchier ending. A bit more is needed I think. It still delivered big time.

Quoted from khamanna Ahahaha Steven. Granny porn ahaha. I wish there was more of the weird funny convo though, too much fun here. And def you created room for more! Like who writes about granny porn? Let them dig deeper.  Let Chad start suspecting Me Orange is interested in granny porn. Let Orange confess in his issues with his grandma! Now I’m angry! You didn’t see it through. But seriously funny little story. It does end somewhat fast, could be a punchier ending. A bit more is needed I think. It still delivered big time.

Hey Kham, thanks for reading. I'm glad you got a chuckle out of this. All points you made I agree with. I've now gotten two emails on this script so maybe someone will make it and add on more. Fingers crossed.

And granny porn. What's so funny about granny porn? Er, I mean, granny porn! Hahahahahahaha!

"Agent Orange!" Did a spit take on my computer screen over that one! Thanks...I think.

Not much more to add. I like it a lot, but agree with some of the others that it ended too soon.

Quoted from JohnMcCarthy "Agent Orange!" Did a spit take on my computer screen over that one! Thanks...I think. Not much more to add. I like it a lot, but agree with some of the others that it ended too soon.

I'm glad you liked that one, John. Names and dialogue misdirection is where a lot of my humor energy is spent.

Lengthening or shortening scenes is something I've always struggled with so your comment comes as no surprise. Supposedly this is being filmed somewhere (forget where at the moment) and they mentioned lengthening it as well. So, I guess I gave them something to build off of, at least.

Thanks for the read!

Steve

Just notified today this has been filmed. Guy made a few changes, he said. He’s gonna enter it in a few festivals and send me a link later this month, so maybe something to see then!

With or without your concent?

Regardless, congrats!  

With.

Congrats on another one in the bag!

Nice little script this one. Congrats, Stevo!
Look forward to watching it.

Thanks all. When I get something I’ll post it.

Hi all! So, here’s the final product. Not too shabby. The director gave himself a co writing credit as he added a lot more to this. My original clocked in around three pages, so… anyway —

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ypho2Kp6XI0

Having a look...  

Quoted from Zack Now that I think about it... Why not cut the opening at the house, start with a cold open in the interrogation room. Throw us right into it. Then you could extend the end a bit and still keep this under 4 pages. Congrats, Dude!

Dude. That’s exactly what they did!

Great casting, (a bit of a Ryan Gosling thing happening with the main character - which is nice   )  and the vibe is spot on. I laughed out loud in a few places.

I think your punchline was a bit lost in this longer version with the GF's death but it was very entertaining nonetheless.