Reverse Psychology by Michael Kospiah - Short, Comedy - A marriage counselor uses reverse psychology to help fix a couples turbulent relationship. 9 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hi Michael. Funny, I saw your name and kept waiting for the blood and guts.

Nice departure for you with a comedy.

Some whip-smart dialogue and I could really picture this very easily.

My favourite piece of dialogue, this one:

Doc smacks down on his desk as they continue bickering:
DOC
(explodes)
For Christ sake, SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Silence. Scott and Diane stare at Doc stunned.
DOC (CONT’D)
Holy shit, you people are fucking
miserable!
DIANE
(to Scott)
Did he just say, “fuck”?
SCOTT
(under his breath)
A little unprofessional...

This is the moment I thought this will translate to film very well.

Nice reversal for a change with Hubby on the overweight side, instead of the stereotypically frumpy wife. Good choice, especially in this #metoo era.

Your opening had just one niggle for me:

Sitting behind his desk, DOC, early 30s, dressed business-
casual, taps his fingers on his desk, studying an OS couple.

I don't know why but the OS thing made me think at first that the therapy was taking place remotely e.g., on Skype or FaceTime, or equiv. Perhaps intro a couch or chairs? That might be just my reading, so see what others think about the flow there.

I didn't expect the twist and really thought he was just an eccentric 'cutting edge' Doc.

Based on this dialogue:

DOC
Oh, I’m not your grandma’s marriage
counselor, that’s for sure. I’m
cutting edge. I’m a loose cannon. I
think outside of the box, I go
AGAINST the grain, ya dig? My
methods are changing the way
marriage counseling’s fucking done.
You see this shit?

- I really should have twigged.

Very enjoyable, Michael.
I can see this being snapped up. One easy location, four actors... Let us know how you get on.

Michael,

Love it! Like Libby says, a little uncharacteristic to see a comedy from you, but then again, it's so like you. I enjoyed the read, bro. Funny dialogue, well placed, old time phrases like "like it or lump it." Dude, how old are you?? My mother used to say that to me!

Anyway, a very fun read. Thanks for sharing.

Steve

Hey, thanks Libby & Steve. Maybe I should write comedy more hehe. I actually wrote this like 8 years ago when a producer friend of mine was asking for comedy sketches on short notice. I wrote like 5 of them within a few hours and sent them to him, but never heard anything back. Cut to 8 years later and I ran into said producer friend and he mentioned this script, which I had forgotten about. So, I opened the document, read it and thought it had some potential. Gave it a rewrite, tightened the dialogue up and people seem to like it. Though, at 9 pages, it seems long for a comedy sketch. But, it reads much faster as the dialogue is meant to be rapid fire.

Quoted Text Love it! Like Libby says, a little uncharacteristic to see a comedy from you, but then again, it's so like you. I enjoyed the read, bro. Funny dialogue, well placed, old time phrases like "like it or lump it." Dude, how old are you?? My mother used to say that to me!

Thanks, it's a nice change of pace from the darker subject matter I'm used to writing, but I still keep the dialogue dark. Glad to hear you say that it's "so like me"... means I have a distinct style and voice, I suppose. Had a play produced a few years ago and my friends were saying that some of the characters sounded like me - not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Also, in regards to "like it or lump it" - I'm 37. My grandmother used say corny shit like that all the time. But, even more influential, I used to watch A LOT of old-timey cartoons as a child, most of them made in the 50s and before (some of it was shockingly racist now that I look back on a lot of it). Looney Tunes and especially Popeye. Also, think I heard it on The Simpsons before, too.

Quoted Text Hi Michael. Funny, I saw your name and kept waiting for the blood and guts.

Oh, trust me, it was awfully tempting once I had Doc pull the gun out, lol. Think my hands were shaking as I was typing lol. But I figured I'd keep it light.

Quoted Text Nice reversal for a change with Hubby on the overweight side, instead of the stereotypically frumpy wife. Good choice, especially in this #metoo era.

As I mentioned, I did write this 8 years ago. And this was something I kept the same through the recent rewrites. So I guess I was ahead of my time before it was cool to treat women with dignity and respect, lol.

Quoted Text Your opening had just one niggle for me: Sitting behind his desk, DOC, early 30s, dressed business- casual, taps his fingers on his desk, studying an OS couple. I don't know why but the OS thing made me think at first that the therapy was taking place remotely e.g., on Skype or FaceTime, or equiv. Perhaps intro a couch or chairs? That might be just my reading, so see what others think about the flow there.

Yeah, I guess I could have just said, "... studying a couple sitting across from him."

Quoted Text I didn't expect the twist and really thought he was just an eccentric 'cutting edge' Doc.

Oh, cool, thanks. Guess I hid the twist well then. This is actually a fairly common comedy trope you see often in sketch comedy where the wise character guiding the story for other characters isn't actually who the other characters thought they were - you'll see it on SNL where the psychiatrist is actually a mental patient, or on the Chappelle Show where the stereotypical magical black dude showing the jaded main character an alternate reality to teach him lessons about life is actually just a janitor on shrooms, etc.

Quoted Text Based on this dialogue: DOC Oh, I’m not your grandma’s marriage counselor, that’s for sure. I’m cutting edge. I’m a loose cannon. I think outside of the box, I go AGAINST the grain, ya dig? My methods are changing the way marriage counseling’s fucking done. You see this shit? - I really should have twigged.

Not sure what twigged means, but it sounds good.

Quoted Text Very enjoyable, Michael. I can see this being snapped up. One easy location, four actors... Let us know how you get on.

Thanks. I've built a nice little niche for myself with darker stuff (my new feature film "Rage", I was hired to write specifically because of my background writing darker material). But I've really wanted to take on comedy writing for a while. I'll try applying for comedy writing gigs but I really don't have any comedy films to show them. Now, I do infuse bits of it into the darker stuff, but it's not something I can show anybody to snag a comedy gig. Working in comedy clubs hasn't really been a big selling point in terms of getting comedy writing gigs, either. So, hopefully this gets picked up and I have something to show people. Would be super easy to shoot.

Thanks again for reading, guys!

-- Michael

Aha!
FYI - Brit & Oz origin:
https://www.dictionary.com/browse/twigged

I suppose now I think about it, it's bad anyway using weight as a weapon I.e., you've let yourself go etc., but political correctness aside it's a reality in the war of the sexes, and in comedic writing this type of slanging match is par for the course, least far as I'm concerned. Yes, you must be ahead of your time. I liked seeing it reversed.

Again, good luck, Michael, and let us know if you get any takers. Horror's a given, comedy not as much.

P.S. Just in case:
https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/slanging-match

Very interesting... is "twigged" more British or more Australian? If it's Australian, I should be ashamed of myself -- both my feature films are Aussie productions (different companies, also have an Aussie horror short) and I should really be more hip to the Aussie slang.

Quoted Text I suppose now I think about it, it's bad anyway using weight as a weapon I.e., you've let yourself go etc., but political correctness aside it's a reality in the war of the sexes, and in comedic writing this type of slanging match is par for the course, least far as I'm concerned. Yes, you must be ahead of your time. I liked seeing it reversed.

I periodically go through weight fluctuations, so that slanging match is a conversation I've had with myself a few times, inside my head haha. And yes, body shaming these days shouldn't be used as a weapon, but it is. I mean, who doesn't love a good, "Yo mama is so fat" joke? Also, I had the character acknowledge that it was body-shaming to defend himself... so I guess it's okay?

Quoted Text Again, good luck, Michael, and let us know if you get any takers. Horror's a given, comedy not as much.

Thanks again. Yes, horror is a proven seller, but I think it's just as subjective as comedy is, at least when it comes to people's opinions on my previous work. Then again, any art, in general, is subjective.

-- Michael

Hello Michael,

Just a quickie as it's beddy bos time.

I had some comments but I'd feel like Salieri following Mozart. Thx Libby.

My one substantive comment is I reviewed a script recently, couldn’t understand why he would censor his own dialogue.  Anyhoo- glad to see you didn’t censor yours -- because you should write those words out in your spec/short as they appear in real life, not like a comic book with $%^&&.

I thought it was good, funny - all that stuff.  The humorous twist with the doc, wasn't expecting that.  And, something else stands out as I was reading this...it reminds me of Seinfeld.  I mean, the characters are people we can relate to, who get put in awkward situations with people who have exaggerated characteristics.  Like the Doc.   Well me thinks so.  A good formula if your storyline is equally as strong.  If that makes since.

As always I'm just offering my opinion, I'm not a comedy writer, so take the above with a pinch of cream cheese. G’luck with this--Andrea

Thanks for reading and commenting, Andrea.

Seinfeld is probably one of my top 5 favorite shows of all time! Though I didn't use it as inspiration for this, glad it reminded you of that show.

Thanks again!

-- Michael

I write and read mainly horror, so this was a nice change of pace for me, just to keep myself busy during these hard times at the moment. Really glad I opened this one up.

It was funny, loved the dialgoue. I can definitely see it being rapid-fire with quick cutting back and forth between the characters. Definitely will be less than 9 minutes (if we're going with the 1 page = 1 minute formula).

Everyone was goofy and over-the-top. Loved it all. Great work!

Sean

Quite enjoyed this - several laughs and smiles.

Love the twist at the end but do think you can cut it down by half - once the reveal come it loses steam.

Nice effort here

Quoted Text I write and read mainly horror, so this was a nice change of pace for me, just to keep myself busy during these hard times at the moment. Really glad I opened this one up. It was funny, loved the dialgoue. I can definitely see it being rapid-fire with quick cutting back and forth between the characters. Definitely will be less than 9 minutes (if we're going with the 1 page = 1 minute formula). Everyone was goofy and over-the-top. Loved it all. Great work! Sean

Thanks for reading, Sean. Funny, I normally write horror when it comes to shorts, or feature length thriller/dramas, so this was a slight departure for me, although I used the same absurdist way of going about it as I do with my recent horror shorts.

It's fun to be silly sometimes, even if its void of gore and murder

Quoted Text Quite enjoyed this - several laughs and smiles. Love the twist at the end but do think you can cut it down by half - once the reveal come it loses steam. Nice effort here

Thanks, Dave. I suppose I can, but the page count is probably deceiving since this is like 98 percent dialogue, probably times out at closer to 6 minutes. And it's really only a page left after the reveal, if that. Definitely worth considering.

-- Michael

I read this through once, and wasn't crazy for it as a whole, I just couldn't figure out why.

So, I read through the comments and gave it another go. Realized after I read...

Quoted from ghost and_ghostie gal And, something else stands out as I was reading this...it reminds me of Seinfeld.  I mean, the characters are people we can relate to, who get put in awkward situations with people who have exaggerated characteristics.

...I knew what it was. This comment was a great observation, but it made me pay attention to the biggest difference between this and an episode of Seinfeld. The profanity. I think clever/witty innuendo would serve itself much better here than straight profanity. I understand the couple is supposed to be miserable and hate each other, but hatred is much more comical when it is nuanced and not just straight shotgun blasted emotion. If that makes any sense...

Speaking of guns...the gun was a bit over the top for me as well, or maybe not over the top enough? I just pictured him taking an antique musket off the wall and firing it into the ceiling and it made me giggle.

That's just how I feel about it, and I'm certainly in the minority, but it was a joy to read!  

Thanks for reading, heyDaddyStudios!

I think it's a matter of taste. I believe profanity-laced dialogue can be just as clever and witty as innuendo. I personally hate innuendo. Mainly because most people don't talk in innuendos, at least not in my profane little bubble lol. I love Seinfeld. But I love Curb Your Enthusiasm even more. And I believe the "hatred" you're talking about can be just as comical in real life. I like my dialogue to be as real and natural as possible, whether it's my dialogue that I write or dialogue in things I watch. IMO, when people have arguments, they say what they feel. And rarely, in the heat of the moment, does anyone think, "What's some really cutting, clever innuendo I can say to win this argument?"  or "I'm gonna try not to curse because it's not as clever". That's just my opinion, though.

Nothing makes me laugh more than when Suzie (in Curb Your Enthusiasm) calls Larry a "four-eyed fuck" or tells him, "Get the fuck outta my house, Larry!"

Thanks again for the read!

-- Michael

Would like to clarify, my post was absolutely all opinion-based, and I didn't mean to come across as the authority on comedy. All things suggested were purely just me stating my personal tastes.

Didn't hope to try and change the script with my CC, I only wanted to offer a different perspective.

That all being said, my favorite line of dialogue I've ever heard in my life was, "Well, you look like a respectable piece of shit."

Profanity definitely can be beautiful and witty, in the same way that I though Midsommar used gore in a really beautiful way. The purpose was there in full power, examining the classic relationship with death and rebirth in a way that was intentionally realistic and "in your face".

I guess I just had a hard time finding purpose in all the profanity in your script, not that a short comedy needs to be filled with purpose like it was a goddamn Greek epic, but it didn't sit right with me. {edit: I understand your purpose was to make it natural and realistic, but like you said, comedy is influenced by opinion and taste, and I couldn't find the purpose for my taste. Not that it matters, just an outside perspective.}

As I said before, all a matter of taste and opinion and sorry if I made it seem like more than that!

Just sold this one to director/producer Troy Heard of Table 8 Productions/Majestic Repertory Theatre in Las Vegas!

Big fan of this one. Congrats, Michael!

Quoted Text Big fan of this one. Congrats, Michael!

Thanks, Libby! My sense of humor can seem a tad juvenile for some tastes, though I try to heighten it the best I can. Glad what makes me laugh made you laugh! Cheers!

-- Michael

Well Michael, that was sure a surprise from a horror guy, I might say.

Although, I'm no comedy expert(so not much from my side) and as a matter of fact I seldom read comedies but surely this was a sweet little story to read.

My favorite dialog:

Quoted Text DOC That's right, I bleed blue and gold, motherfucker. Panthers for life.

Can't pinpoint the exact reason but read it twice. It was amazing.

As I said not much from my side. But definitely a good read.

And oh yeah, congrats for the script been sold.  

Good luck.    
  

Fabulous!