Skullduggery by William David Glenn IV - Short, Comedy - An argument between two archeologist over who deserves credit for their recent find turns into a bloody fight for survival. 5 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hi, William,

This one's a nice piece to read. Especially, the ending. This helps in conveying the fact of ignorance and pride of a person who's up his ass. Wonderfully done.

Although, there were no laughs from my side during the read. I think the visuals were more enticing than the dialogs.

Anyways, good luck.

Different - nice. "Dogs fighting over bone"

I second Yuvraz. No real laughs = drama.

Action writing was very visual.

Introduced your characters to us. For all in a dialog driven script. Sam and Jensen spoke and fought like kids in... sand - dirt - tent. Only after you introduced overseer, did I know they adults.

All the best    

William,

Concept and setting feels fresh enough, and probably not all that tough to film for the main part.  I like the idea of two rival archaeologists fighting over a discovery I’m just not so sure how your central point—as per that last line—would register with the viewer.

‘Below the earth there are a plethora of bones. A graveyard of man’s ignorance.’

Are we meant to be seeing this ‘plethora of bones’ beneath the surface?  For me it wasn’t clear if this was somehow onscreen or an aside.  Either way, would the viewer make that connection for themselves or just see two guys fighting over a bone?  Is there another way to make this point?

There’s something to be said for the idea, but as it is, the ending misses the mark for me.

Steve