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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Comedy Scripts  ›  Rise of the Plutonians
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  Author    Rise of the Plutonians  (currently 267 views)
Don
Posted: August 26th, 2020, 4:38pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Rise of the Plutonians by Jason K. Allen - Short, Comedy - The Plutonians are a secret club that promotes and restores honor to those things that get no respect or have gone out of style: yo-yos, paper airplanes, VCR's, gluten, Pluto, and more. Albert wants to join, but he faces a difficult initiation process. 10 pages - pdf format

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Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  September 12th, 2021, 9:28am
revised draft
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Fais85
Posted: August 27th, 2020, 2:35am Report to Moderator
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Jason,

This was hilarious. Well written.

I loved Albert and even the random characters at the meeting hall.

The sock puppet was a nice touch.

in the end, all he cares about is his free t-shirt. While I agree that in comedy, a lot of things happen just fr the sake of comedy, still what you can do is make "that" thing Albert's characteristic. Make Albert more interested in free things. In the opening scene, when he asks for the burger with gluten, his priority is probably the free cookie or something that they give with burgers.

Just my two cents. I loved this script, though.
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