Something for the Weekend by Anthony Cawood - Short, Comedy - A desperate driver has to jump through hoops to get his car back. 10 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Man...Stan is a hard ass. Didn't let Ben get away with anything! I cracked up when he said he hadn't been funny since 1983.

This was an enjoyable, easy read. My 2 cents are maybe trim a little since nothing major happens, which is fine since this is a dialog piece, but felt like it took a little bit longer than it should to get to Stan's punchline at the end. Maybe just a half page.

I like that with his woman, Stan can't get a word in edgewise, just as he was with Ben.

Pg. 1 – Ben says – Let me ‘the’ in.
Pg. 8 – Stan says “crook” twice.

Would be a super easy script to film. Nice job Ant!!

Aha! Here 'tis, and worth the wait
Ant, a very nice breezy read with some choice dialogue.

I like that you distinguished the character's dialogue - made Stan use words such as ilk and ergo.

My fav bit:

STAN
Yes, I do. You were going to try to
justify your choice of vehicle.

BEN
Well, yes, because --

STAN
You are not an agriculturalist, you
don't have a job that involves land
management, livestock or, anything of
that ilk.

BEN
But --

STAN
You don't climb mountains, hand-
glide, surf or, any other adventurous
hobby that justifies this vehicle.

Love the commentary. Very current with the city status symbol gas-guzzlers.

Marnie picked out a couple of typos and there's this one on the last line:
this team to
avoid squeals time.

If I had any criticism it's that this is light on plot but the dialogue kept my interest and there was a nice touché moment with Stan at the end. I wondered if he was just stringing Ben along - did he suddenly get the bright idea at the end or is this his usual modus operandi?

I'd say, if I had to choose Connected is more of a crowd-pleaser, least for me, cause I love those types of scripts and you write them very well.

Good decision not to even attempt turning Ben and Stan's interaction into a RomCom btw. Would have been interesting to say the least.  

Ahoy Anthony,

Overall, I thought this was entertaining. Great job. Nothing to nitpick. My one substantive comment is in reference to your dialogue; maintaining the funny without getting repetitive or lame is really tough, but you managed to pull it off.  So hats off.

That said, I enjoyed 'Connected' more.  Sorry.   Short and sweet. -A

Thanks Marnie, Libby, Ghost, for taking a read.

Typos fixed, many thanks, amazing how they slip through even after a few reads.

Marnie - yep I agree, dialogue heavy talking heads, and comedy, isn't really my bag and this does feel a little long, will take the pruning shears to it. But glad it made you laugh.

Libby - again, glad it tickled the funny bone, comedy is the genre I'm least comfortable in! And yes, Connected is very much more of a 'me' script and glad you liked that one too. Tx again for running the OWC and getting me to write 2 new scripts!

Ghost - Yep, as above, Connected is more in my normal wheelhouse, but glad this one worked for you too.

Thanks again

Very enjoyable read - nice job!