Deer Friends by Bryce Smink - Short, Comedy - A teenage boy wants nothing more than to live out the rest of his life out in the woods as a Deer...but his Deer-hunting Father isn't so accepting of his son's new life style and a wild man-hunt ensues. 9 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Just wanted to pop in and say how much I loved this script. It's essentially one long chase. And as bizarre and odd the premise is, there's so much humanity and heart in this story that by the end, the premise really doesn't feel that bizarre at all. And your writing continues to get stronger... I shot you an email about reviewing it for the home page!

-- Michael

Not sure if this is a tongue in cheek look at how idiotic our culture has become or not. I may be reading into it too much.

Either way, an enjoyable read. Lots of issues with the writing though. It's really passive. I personally don't like all caps in dialogue at all, but here you just go overboard. There is an extra space between dialogue on page 8. Never been a fan of "we hear" or "we see", personal preference, but I think there is generally a better way to keep the read engaging. This double question marks in brackets needs to go, in my opinion.

This is a small one, but eliminating it will make it read better. On the next edit have a look at how many time you say someone "just" does something, completely unnecessary and would be a better read without it.

The dialogue is generally good but at times felt a little forced.

Overall this is a good effort, I think with a bit of work on the writing in general it would be great.

Ahaha, that was very funny. Funny and good.
It needs something there at the end. Not sure what. Maybe some kind of resolution or something. But it doesn't need it badly.
It's like this is very good, but I'm still missing something.
But still very good.
Unexpected and fun.