Wrinkles and Wishes by Alexander Luis Rodriguez - Short, Comedy - Residents of a retirement home, Maggie and Alfred, don't believe in wishes. 4 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hello, Alexander. Gave this one a read.

The writing itself is actually pretty good, but there is a bit of an issue here. You need to introduce new characters in all caps. Also, way too many transitions on page 5. You can lose pretty much all of the CUT TO's.

I like the characters. Your dialog is very good and has a natural flow to it. The story itself didn't quite land with me. Not sure I understand how the ending is connected to the rest. Are you implying that Alfred and Maggie are dreaming about each other in their own separate rooms?

Not a bad effort by any means.

So yeah this was purely for comic relief - a quick little sketch as it were. And yes the idea is that Maggie and Alfred secretly lust after each other. It does take away from the natural flow when there's too many CUT TO's, so I'll bear that in mind in future, thanks. Also maybe Leo and Pearl weren't needed? I may create another story focusing on those two.
I'm fairy new to SimplyScripts and have posted other screenplays, but I'm not entirely sure how to add links to them here in the discussion board? If you could advise I'd appreciate it.

Don't know if you can find them if I list them below but here they are...

* Fur and No Whiskers (Comedy, Animation)

* Piecing Together (Horror)

* Teeth, Terror and Toby (Comedy)

* Unboxing (Horror)

* Pink Primate (Psychological Horror)

Quoted from AlexanderLR I'm fairy new to SimplyScripts and have posted other screenplays, but I'm not entirely sure how to add links to them here in the discussion board? If you could advise I'd appreciate it.

What do you mean by posting links? Do you mean submitting scripts? Or do you mean posting a link to one of your scripts in your signature, like I have with my Bizarrely Droll script? I can help you with either one.

Here is where you submit your script - https://www.simplyscripts.com/submit_your_script_new.html

As long as the scripts are here on SS, I can help you with the links. I'll get them together and send them to you through PM. Once you've got the links, you simply need to copy them from my message and then past it into your signature.

BTW, welcome to SimplyScripts! You're gonna love it here.

Check your PMs, Alexander. I've sent you a message that should help explain how to share clickable links.

cheers

No problem. If you still have any questions, just let me know and I'll try to my best to help you out.