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This is the best of of the urn in a restroom comedies that I've read so far. Some good humor and banter. As others mentioned, close on Bobby Joe's portrait like the opener except now it's defaced with black eye, mustache, and missing tooth?
Written very well and very funny. Loved the brothers. Dialog was great. But...the ending with Darlene's line...kind of a let down. Beef up that last quarter page and someone will film this.
Great title. Though, I think FUCK YOU, BOBBY JOE would also work well.
I really like the setup. The payoff wasn't quite there, but it's real close. I don't think you need to complicate matters with the spoon, glass and bowl. But, you got a few chuckles out of it, so I'm probably wrong there.
Only nit for me... I couldn't get over the idea that you could dish out this volume of ashes. How big was this guy? I won't score down because of it, of course, but that's a LOT of ashes.
Thanks for sharing!
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Thought I was all done and found this. Pretty good. Pretty good story, though I’d think with a premise like this you had a chance to up the comedy levels to greater heights. But good as is. Nice work.
I like it. Smoothly written with a fun concept. Seeing the guests queuing up to take turns dumping the ashes for Bobby Joe’s wrongs might be better re-worked as the final payoff but all in all a solid little comedy to work with. Good work.
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ROFL... one of the comedy points in this film were absolutely genius; the opening. Oh my gosh, I literally laughed my butt off. In hindsight - I should've seen that coming. Went back and took a look at the script. I see they made a few changes. Um, not sure which ending I liked better. Oh yea I do.
Overall very good quality storytelling, good lighting, good editing and excellent buildup! Enjoyed it. It'll be interesting to compare this one with the other two when all is said and done.
Yep, echoing what my learned scribe, Andrea said with the ROFL, and I also re-read the script (after I watched this). The opening was a shock, but pretty funny too, and it works. However...* Overall this was a class act. Great casting, and the acting was terrific, as was the all-round vibe.
* I still prefer your ending, Dave. That said, I'm now keen to see what the other guys do with your script. I doubt somehow that this one can be topped but you never know.
I imagine you'd be pretty pleased with this effort I sure would be.