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Abra Cadaver by Luke Mepham - Short, Comedy, Horror - After a night of partying, a married couple come across the body of a dead woman. Will they be able to figure out where she came from or will they have other plans for her? - pdf format
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I love dark comedy/horror - Addams Family, Idle Hands, Braindead, so this was right up my street! Just a few improvements e.g.
JOHN I think I got a bit wasted after, though and didn't we bring people back here?
The comma should be after the word 'though'.
Maybe get rid of 'John notices her.' It's enough just to have the dialogue...
JOHN What is it? Are you okay?
Try to cut words out, the action will flow quicker, e.g.
* He kneels down, turns her over.
* John stands next to Holly, she's nervous, they tower over the body.
* John shifts forward, shakes her shoulder, backs off, disturbed.
Hopefully you see how it makes a difference?
I loved the idea of the body being used as a foot stool, you have a great sense of humour. What costumes do John and Holly wear for halloween? You could have fun with it and go really silly, dress them as Woody and Bo Peep! I dunno, John talking about cutting them up and scattering them in the sea while dressed as Woody seems hysterical to me!
'Along with various other limbs not belonging to them'.
Very wise choice of words to end with, like it a lot.