Heaps better, Warren.

Thanks for all your help, LC.

I can see the difference it makes.

This is an outstanding concept you have working here.  I really appreciate the angle and the reasons you give for creating such obviously rigid characters.  I would liken the script in its current form to that of listening to Beethoven's 5th being played on a plastic ukulele.  The melody is absolutely there, but the symphony is not.  Find your symphony and you have a real gem in this story.  I am not trying to be harsh in any way.  I am saying take what you have, which is good, and really push yourself to your limits and make it great.  

Quoted from BenL Page 1:  First slugline is "INT. HOUSE - EMILY’S ROOM - DAY". I've never seen it in this order. Shouldn't this be "INT. EMILY’S ROOM, HOUSE - DAY"?

No, incorrect.

Always start with the "bigger" location, as Warren correctly did here.  Break it down from biggest to smallest.

Looks like you're not only having a ton of success, Warren, but you're also getting a ton of interest here on SS.  Very impressive.

I will be reading and commenting on this one shortly.

Totally baffled after reading.  I read through all the feedback and see your "reveal", but it doesn't work for me, sorry to say.

SPOILERS     SPOILERS     SPOILERS     SPOILERS     SPOILERS

If everyone except for Oliver is "imaginary", this doesn't really make alot of sense, IMO.

On Page 2, you have Danny walking down the hall by himself, not in Oliver's view - this is beyond imaginary.

On Page 3 and 4, Kate is cooking - again, beyond imaginary.

I think if you pull out these 2 things and have the gun clearly in Oliver's hand at the end, it would be a bit more clear.

Overall, it reads pretty ell and is engaging, but as a few pointed out, Danny is a bit cliched in his portrayal of the classic horrible father.

Quoted from Dreamscale No, incorrect. Always start with the "bigger" location, as Warren correctly did here.  Break it down from biggest to smallest.

Never heard of that before but seems you're right, I've just found an article that says exactly the same.

Well, a LOT of people are doing it wrong then, including me.

Thanks for the read, TheSecond and Dreamscale.

The great thing about SS is that if you are lucky you are given lots of advise and varying opinions on everything. Then you can choose to do with it what you will.

TheSecond, without me actually knowning what you think the downfalls of the script are, I can't really use your comment in any constructive way other than to say thank you for the compliment.

Dreamscale, I agree that Danny can't be walking down the hall and will intro him as he enters the room.

I never planned in changing my slugs as that's the way I know to do them.

Will have a think about the other suggestions but I think I will pretty much leave it as is.

Thanks again

Its the simple things really that make for a great story.  Using things like random police officers for the final reveal is lazy writing.  I see it constantly, across all mediums, and it cheapens the art in my opinion.  

* spoiler *

Is Emily a mental projection of Oliver in female form?  Or is she a separate entity all together?  

      

Seemed like the logical way to go as cops would respond to a gunshots fired. I thought about a neighbor but they wouldn't really enter the house.

Anything else would change the story completely, I imagine, so I'm not sure what you had in mind for the reveal unfortunately.

She is a bit of both. She has taken Oliver's spot amongst his family (all imagined of course), but she also acts as his 'imaginary friend'.

Warren, while I ain't the format police I'm puzzled why you use a mini slug for EMILY'S ROOM, p.2, but choose not to for KITCHEN, LIVING ROOM etc apart from your opening slug of course.

And further to The Second's comment perhaps you should be more generic and just call it CHILD'S BEDROOM, or simply BEDROOM. Seems some people are still not getting it. Again, on screen it'll hopefully be clear.

OK, I'll duck out now; said enough.

G'luck with this one Warren.

LC, I only use mini slugs if the action literally flows from one room to another. If I'm starting a new scene I go back to a full slug.

This is my understanding of how to use them so that's how I do it and why.

Will have another read and see if I can make it more clear.

Thanks

LATEST AND I'D SAY FINAL VERSION OF THIS IS UP NOW.

Extremely happy to announce that My Imaginary Friend has been picked up for production.

This is even more exciting as this was picked up by a film crew in Miami currently shooting a feature. They have some time between filming and want to make this short. Production is expected to start as soon as next week.

So I will have a full crew,  with their director and equipment including red epics.

It's a good day

Oh and my STS review for Hannah's Demons went up today, feel free to check it out.

Unreal!  Dude, you da man!!!

It's a good story although at the beginning I thought that Danny was a bit too abusive for my tastes. There's just one side to him I thought.

Then you pulled me in - but the story was simple. It was on the page which is good, just I read something like this sometime in the past.

Then came the ending - I'm not sure how to interpret it, but I think it gives the story completely different angle. Oliver is real! But do explain please, what really happened.
I'm thinking it's a very interesting story, with a good ending. You just think to clear it up for us at the end, I think.

Thanks, Dreamscale.

Thanks for the read and comments, Khamanna.

As this will be getting produced I won't be making any changes.

Danny is meant to be overly abusive, so much so that he drives his son to kill himself in the end.

Have been many stories made where what you see is not what you get, this is however my take on that.

Yes Oliver is real, Emily is the imaginary friend.

The end is left slightly ambiguous. I think on screen it will be easier to get.

Thanks