Hey Steve,

Very powerful piece this one. Been meaning to get around to reading and commenting, noticed you dropped in on mine and then thought, ooh, time for payback.  

Overall I love it. I wasn't quite sure, other than for cinematic purposes why the two don't go into the house and shower - the amount of blood, I suspect, and it is far more visually dramatic.

This line below felt a bit writery/contrived to me. Btw, shouldn't that be 'lying' on top of me?

I just got finished pretending I was
dead with two corpses lying on top of
me. So, no, I'm not okay.

This line below, really great, touched me.

I'm sorry. It's just that... I don't
know. It'd be kinda nice to feel
afraid of losing someone's love once
in a while

And finally, sorry to say, cause you use it twice, the father and the diaper analogy seemed a bit out of place to me, but this is description so... it's artistic license. Just cause I found it a little odd doesn't mean anything. No comments read by me prior to posting, btw, so...

A very powerful and impacting piece. Good choice you didn't overdo it with the father's reaction too and left him rather mute in reaction. Old habits are going to die hard I suspect, or rather homophobia, so it's far more realistic.

Congrats on the STS spot too. Any bites yet? I wish you all the best in getting this picked up. Festivals and Directors of a certain ilk would be clamouring for something like this, I would think.

Very nicely done.

Frank,

Thanks for the read and the call out on the "he regrets this..." line.  It felt kinda funny when I write it, and I don't normally write lines like that. Guess I know why now, huh?

Libby,

Thanks for your thoughts. There seems to be a consensus on that first line you mentioned, so I might change it or think of a way to tone it down a bit. And that second line you mentioned... Yeah, I liked that one a lot myself. Thanks for noticing that.

The ending came about in a quick rewrite that was suggested to me, and I kept it minimal. Glad it worked for you. Most seem to like it anyway.

Steve

Congrats on the option.

I knew it wouldn’t take long.

Aha! Well done. Looking forward to seeing it.

Thanks for all the help you guys have me with this. Especially Warren, who helped put the finishing touch on this.

A production company, Sinister 7, contacted me on this and they're throwing this right into pre-production. And they're also very receptive to keeping me involved with the whole process, which is kinda cool (and rare) for a writer. Will let you know when this starts filming.

Well, that was fast. Can't wait to see it filmed. Congrats!

Quoted Text Thanks for all the help you guys have me with this. Especially Warren, who helped put the finishing touch on this.

Thanks for the mention, means a lot.

I can't wait to see this. I'm sure it's going to go far.

Stills and a clip from Silence, Eventually which is currently in post production. (click on the images to embiggen).

Silence, Eventually by Steven Clark - Short, Drama - Two young men suffer an eventful first date at a night club, but that's neither the beginning, or the end, of their personal struggles. 11 pages - pdf, format

looking forward to it

Yes, yes, yes!! Bring it.

I literally can not wait to see this.

Fantastic.

Quoted from Don (click on the images to embiggen).

.  
Congrats Steve! Look forward to it.

Thanks, Don, for posting this so quickly!

Glad you're all looking forward to it! I should mention a couple things - this script was discovered literally about an hour after I posted it in a Facebook short filmmaking group. So, it's always good to promote your stuff in different places. And the other thing - it was such a pleasure working with Sinister 7 (the prodco). They kept me involved every step of the way - from group phone conversations to texts and whatnot. They loved the script, but just as important to them, they constantly wanted my input so they could really get a feel for the characters, why I wrote this, what movie was I thinking about when I wrote it and where my head was at. These guys were great! Every screenwriter should have a crew like this working with them.

Quick note about the video clip - its more a behind the scenes thing, and note that they put red cellophane on a car headlight to get a police car light effect. Pretty tricksy. Don't know when this'll be ready, but I'm sure it'll be posted once it is. Thanks again!

Steve

Congrats Steve

It's alway great to get a script produced.

Thanks Mark. It is nice getting your work produced...especially when it's done well!

Hi Steven,
   OMG that was crazy intense.  I almost wish you started it a bit earlier with him hiding.  But, that's me.

What a fast moving story.  I can see why this got picked up and I wouldn't be shocked if you win an award for that.  

I don't think it's OTN the fact that he pulled 2 corpses on top of him.  I mean, he did that and was just describing it.  OTN, to me, is more about feelings and talking around stuff.  You merely explained how he survived.

Of course, in the last OWC I entered in, someone said that in my desire to avoid OTN for one situation, I actually was OTN for another situation, so, it is almost impossible to not have some dialog that is OTN in one way or another...  Cue the blonde song, sorry, old people music.

Congrats on getting it made.  Can't wait to see it.

Dan