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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  Our Kind
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  Author    Our Kind  (currently 1104 views)
Don
Posted: October 28th, 2016, 4:19pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Our Kind by Richard Russell - Short, Drama - Selecting the members of the next pledge class is not always easy. 8 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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AnthonyCawood
Posted: October 29th, 2016, 10:06pm Report to Moderator
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Super easy read Richard, and I liked the reveal... suspected something along those lines but enjoyed it non the less.

The bits that I struggled with may well be cultural because I'm a Brit so don;t really know about sororities and how they work... do they have black only ones?

If the witch angle isn't skin colour related then why don't they have a white, or asian etc sister?

I might be over thinking it

Anyway, fun read, worked for me.


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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JakeJon
Posted: October 31st, 2016, 3:27pm Report to Moderator
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RR,
Smooth!  Had me totally fooled. Interestingly volatile. Thought I would be commending you on a courageous choice, regardless of the outcome.
Nicely done.
JJ
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Nolan
Posted: November 1st, 2016, 4:08pm Report to Moderator
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Not much for me to say other than I liked it.  I had no idea what was going on until the reveal, so good on that!  

Nice one.

Nolan
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Gary Manson
Posted: November 5th, 2016, 7:42am Report to Moderator
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Hi Richard, Just to say I like this, loved the reveal. Now I am new to script writing so I do have a question.

Where you write:

Siemone stands and walks out.
TAMIKA
(looking at application)
This shouldn’t take long.

Shouldn't the (looking at application) be an action line or is it acceptable to put it where you have done?

Cheers

Gary
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RichardR
Posted: November 8th, 2016, 8:16am Report to Moderator
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Gary,

I think you can use a parenthetical as you need to.  For something as short as this, I think it works.  A wrylie isn't just for how to deliver a line.  Use it for action as you need to.  It keeps the work a bit shorter.  Just don't get into writing some complex action into a parenthetical.

Best
Richard
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