Unmasked by Luis Anthony Garza - Short, Drama, Horror - This isn't your traditional High School setting.  2 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hi Luis,

Not really sure what to make of this one. I think the writing is great with some fantastic imagery.

I kept reading because I really wanted to know how it played out, but in the end I'm not sure I really got it.

I feel like it has a deeper meaning that is lost on me.

I'd love to know what others thoughts are on this.

Sorry, but this was lost on me. Didn't get it.

I read until the end and, I was hoping to understand the red, blue, purple masks thing. I didn't but still, I liked the reading.

Thank you guys for your comments!!

Yeah, so I feel like this needs some background

For my final project in film class I was assigned to write a 1-2 page silent film that had some kind of political undertones, this is what I wrote.

This is quite experimental as this is my first time wirting something absent of dialogue and something  prominent in social commentary

All comments are appreciated.

I'd love to know what the political undertones and social commentary are.

Well... The masks are supposed to represent race/religion. I didn't want to make it too obvious and I decided to use the masks. The red masks are the white race and the blue masks are the African American race. The more detail they have on the mask, the more privileged they are, that's why the girl who slits her wrists has a plain mask. The idea of the officer is catapulting off the controversial cases of police brutality towards the African American race. The nearly naked woman with the purple mask is a Muslim. I saw this upsetting video were a Muslim woman was forced to leave a place because they didn't allow hijabs, and she refused to take it out. I thought that she must have felt naked without her hijab,, so the girl with the purple mask is a hyperbole of that.

I feel that the script is harder to understand when it's being read, however, I feel like a visual would be much better.

This is my first stab at something like this, so maybe it's not as well realized as I would hope. I just didn't want to make it too on the nose, maybe I focused more on that and I made it too confusing instead. But I don't know, comments are so very appreciated!

Hi Luis,
As many of the experts here says. You first need to seduce the reader before anything. )
The premises, after you explained is an interesting and contemporaneous subject that could be represented somehow with the classroom and masks setup.
But you will have to figure out how to show this in motion and not to be too much on the nose, as you said.
best luck with your project,