Quoted from Spqr Sorry, but I can't think of anything that would improve this story. Well done.

Great helpful feedback.  Thank you for your effort here.

It's weird. I seem to think almost half the scripts I've read deal with not wanting to be in contact with other human beings. Us writers are a predictable lot!

I liked the story, but I think more could have been done with the Nathan character. It seems it shows his phobia, a doctor tells him about abuse (and for a dude who knows 7 languages and hasn't heard about his specific phobia) and then it shows him being over his phobia because of the doctor's "helpful" advice.

I think if the script just focused on one, or maybe two examples of Nathan's phobia and actually got into Nathan's character outside the phobia it would have more impact. Right now it seems like it's just a bunch of scenes leading to Nathan's revenge. Kind of like a joke with a punchline. I want to know the Nathan character a bit more so I care about what he does.

Good job though! An interesting take on getting over a phobia.

From the start its an interestingly crafted world.
I actually like this one although sometimes the therapist can come off accusatory rather than helpful which I'm assuming is what a therapist should be. Unless that was your intention, disregard if it was.
The twist was enjoyed and welcomed.
Nothing but kudos to you.

This one kept me interested throughout. It zipped along and was an easy read. I only have two complaints/suggestions. I think Nathan got over his phobia way too quick. Instead of showing him being all normal at the end, why not have him doubt his feelings a little more? Sort of trying things out more carefully. Not really sure if he's beaten his phobia or not. Small steps as he learns he might be over it.

Also, I wish you hadn't gone down the cliche' road of a priest abusing little boys. Sure it has happened, but as movies goes, it has been done to death, IMHO. I was waiting for you to throw a surprise at us for something different. A twist. Maybe instead of it being sexual abuse, why not something else? What if the priest used some other kind of touching as punishment whenever the boys do something wrong?

Anyway, a good read that could be great if it doesn't go down this wornout path. Surprise us with something different.  

Good polished read, except for that notably unfortunate missing comma on page 3: "FATHER O’NEIL (70), clad in a black vestment and a YOUNG BOY..."

I think the script is doing this already, but I do think it needs to be clearer that the therapist doesn't want to suggest strong courses of action when meeting this person for the first time. The story as I see it is more about Nathan grabbing on to one specific off-hand suggestion and misusing it, and it would feel less like he works through his trauma absurdly quickly if there was more of a hint that Nathan was just a potentially dangerous person in general.

I also kinda think this would work better if Nathan had been seeing Anderson with some regularity and then something changed that forced this conversation out. This would allow for smoother exposition and less of a feeling that we're being hurried through a ton of character beats, in my view.

The phobia itself, and the work you've done with it in the first half, is more interesting than the straightforward revenge tale that follows. I felt a bit like the irrational aspect of phobia was missing here; he was inappropriately touched, so he fears touch...kinda blah. I think I gotta throw in with a lot of other commenters and say that the priest storyline is an unsatisfying element, for me only because it seems to deny the messiness and strangeness of real-life reactions to trauma by setting us up for a pat revenge tale. At the very least, I'm on board with Pia's suggestion above that he certainly shouldn't be normal at the end.

Anyway, this is obviously solid, well-written work. I think its strongest element is its first half, and I think it'd benefit from a major rewrite with a different story for the second half. But it's solid as is.

***

The best available evidence seems to suggest at this point that Catholic priests are not more or less likely to commit sexual abuse than the average man. At the same time, the institution of the Catholic Church, as a whole, has clearly been guilty of cover-ups/turning a blind eye to predatory behaviour and sexual abuse, up to the level of the Holy See (or so the U.N. has it: http://documents.latimes.com/un-human-rights-committee-report-vatican-policies-toward-sex-abuse/). Scripts that wade into this territory should take care with where they place their blame, in my view -- the predatory priest character might be about due for a retirement, except for scripts that intend to take a broader view of the issue.

And from a dramatic standpoint, anyway, it's very predictable -- not always bad, but bad in the case of this script, I think.

Just started the re-write of this and wanted to thank all that posted comments.

- Going to fix all the mentioned typos
- Solid advice from many on the turnaround coming too quick for the Protag.
- After careful consideration, not changing anything related to the priest as the abuser. The story is based on a real life incident (other than the murder at the end).  The Protag was a childhood friend of mine (we were altar boys together) that suffered the abuse and the affliction he ended up with was real - though not to the same extent as in the story. I know it may be a tired topic to some but is meaningful to me.
- Debating whether to keep the RIP requirement

Not looking for re-reads (old draft still up) but did want to take time to appreciate the reviewers.

PS - Warren - will fix the OS -  OC thing.  This error seems to ne my signature. Somehow I have it stuck in my mind that:

OS - should be Out of Scene (like from the next room)
OC - should be Off Camera (i.e., in the scene but not shown on the camera)
VO - should be not in the scene, not off camera

Wouldn't that be delightful? Anyway - ain't the way is is - will correct.

Thanks again all.